Sometimes I Write

I made my decision and I feel really good about it. I have felt peace in my heart about this and I know I’m in God’s will. That won’t stop nasty things being said about me by some in my family who won’t agree with my decision. Oh well…I’m not living my life to please them, and I know I’m doing the right thing. Thanks so much for the comments, emails, and prayers. You’re so good to me!

This morning I had the opportunity to right a wrong from my past. I jumped on it as fast as I could, trying not to worry what this person would think about getting an email from me all these years later. I don’t know what his reaction will be, but I had to try to make things right. It’s funny (strange) how things like this happen. Satan does his best to screw up our lives and we help him right along, yet God calls us back to Him, offers us total forgiveness and then gives us healing and restoration. What an awesome God! I hope my old friend understands…

I’ve been thinking a lot about spiritual warfare lately. I know people who don’t believe in it and that just amazes me. Benny and I talked about what is spiritual war in our lives, and what is just us and the decisions we’ve made and the consequences of those decisions. I think Satan is present all the time, maybe not himself, but one or more of his army, just watching, reporting, and trying to find ways to render us ineffective in God’s plan. God’s word tells us that Satan is roaming around like a lion looking for someone to devour. And that’s just one verse out of hundreds. How can anyone NOT believe in a spiritual war? I read a book by Joe Beam called, Seeing The Unseen (available for $8.00 on eBay). It’s incredible, and if you’ve not read it, I highly recommend it. I lent it to a friend, but I think I need to get it back and reread it. That is after I finish the other two I’m reading now. I see spiritual war not just in my own life, but I witness it on the streets of Denver. I see it in the lives of the street kids and even the former street kids. I’ll share more thoughts on this another time, I just wanted to say that it’s been on my mind this week.

On a lighter note, a new friend gave me a bunch of puzzles, games, and Discovery Toys for me to use in our homeschooling. What a blessing, and she saved me a lot of money. Yeah! The kids are enjoying the puzzles right now as I type away. I’m glad learning is fun for them. I hope that never changes!

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Thank you for the kind words and well wishes sent my way. I’m feeling much better today! 🙂

One of the things I hate about being an adult is having to make hard decisions. It’s funny to me that I feel that way since that is precisely one of the things I looked forward to when I was a kid. I felt that I could make harder choices than I was allowed to make. Never mind that I didn’t always make wise decisions and sometimes my screw-ups were big and public.

Well, the time has come for me to make some tough decisions. I’m knee deep in emotional turmoil over them. These are not childhood dilemmas, yet I wish I could have someone else decide for me and just tell me what to do. (Like it would do any good – I’d end up doing what I want to do anyway.) I wrote a whole blog post about it, then deleted it when I decided I didn’t want everyone in cyberspace knowing that much about me and my family. For those of you who know me personally and would like more information, please email or call me and I’d be happy to fill you in and solicit your prayers. For those of you who are part of my blog family: Please, please, please pray that my decisions are based on what God has told me to do and what is best for me and my family. Just so you’re not freaked out…It involves my extended family and broken/abusive /dysfunctional relationships within it. This has been a REALLY hard week for me in this area.

So I take this moment to thank God for my spiritual family. He has blessed me beyond belief with Godly men and women to come alongside me and show me what a family is supposed to look like, act like, love like, and be.

Holy Father, I will praise you through this storm in my life. I will lean on you and wait for your wisdom to guide me. I place no blame on you for this painful time, and I seek healing and restoration from you and through those you have placed in my life. Please speak to me so loudly I cannot doubt that it is you. Thank you for your compassion and mercy and please help me show the same to others. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.

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I spent the whole day yesterday in bed. No children, no cleaning, no errands to run. I just slept and read, and watched t.v. To you mothers out there, this sounds glorious doesn’t it? Well, it would have been if it hadn’t been accompanied by nausea, and other body functions gone wrong. It was not the day of rest that I daydream about, but it was rest. Benny was awesome keeping the kids busy so I could be sick. He periodically brought me peppermint tea in my favorite cup, and I think I ate about 6 saltines all day. YUK! I was just thankful they weren’t paired with 7up, those are the “sick foods” of my childhood, and I’d rather just starve for the day.

It’s amazing what a day in bed can do for your thought process. I read a bit in my newest book, The Naked Christian, which was very thought provoking and challenging. I’m not even halfway through it yet, but I know it’s one I’ll be recommending when I’m finished. I also had plenty of time to think more on the movies I saw this weekend – Elizabethtown & Luther. I know I mentioned the first one in my Jennifer post. Saturday night she and Jonathan – her husband- came over to watch Luther with us. What a great movie!!! There’s a lot I didn’t know about Martin Luther, but what a man! He had qualities that I want to be known for. Conviction, honesty about his doubts, determination to do the right thing against all popular opinions are just a few characteristics this man held to tightly. There were so many scenes I found myself tearing up and identifying with him in the things I felt and believed. It’s a powerful movie about the beginning of faith away from the corruption of the Catholic church and it’s dominance and mistreatment of the people and rulers of that day. I’m probably one of the last people to see this movie, but if you haven’t seen it either, you need to. It’s REALLY good!

My favorite lesson from Elizabethtown was that just when you think it’s the end of life as you know it, another chapter begins. The main character is Drew, played by Orlando Bloom, (I still like him better as Legolas). He screws up his professional life in a big way and decides to end his life. Then he gets a phone call from his sister telling him his dad has died, and they need him to pick up the body in Kentucky and bring him back to Oregon. He encounters a young woman on the plane to KY and his new purpose and adventure begins. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and realizations about himself and his family. I’ve been thinking about so many points of this movie and how they apply to my life. Here are just a few:

I will never truly know my parents the way other people see them.

Life is a journey and I have to take the time to think things through and enjoy the experience, not just rush from birth to death.

Failure is o.k. It’s just the present absence of success. It’s not final.

When meeting a stranger, I never know how that person may impact my life. Case in point – read my last post about Jennifer.

Grief is meant to be shared.

There is more to life than just reaching my destination, it’s about all the people and the stops along the way. What does God have to teach me? How is he teaching others through me?

Love is a great companion for the journey.

I love watching movies! It’s just one more way God speaks to me, and for that I am extremely thankful! I’m also thankful that I’m feeling a little better today. I’m still spending most of the day in bed resting, but I’m over the nausea – praise God! Have I mentioned how great my husband is? He just took all three kids with him to run his errands for the day. I have to be healed by tomorrow, Wednesdays are busy DB days. So I’m off to watch a few more movies and maybe do some reading. Oh, and another online meeting for a camp I’m not sure I’ll be a part of this summer. More on that another time.

Please pray for fast healing and renewed energy for my tired aching body. Go see Elizabethtown and rent Luther and let me know what you think.

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Wednesday Jennifer and I took the kids to the Museum of Nature and Science. Our favorite exhibit was called Grossology: The impolite science of the human body. It was all about phlegm, boogers, passing gas, and all the other gross stuff you can think of. Max loved it! There was a giant nose game that had two cannon guns. The players had to shoot small white balls into the nostrils then periodically the nose would make a sneezing noise and shoot the balls back down into the shoot that loaded the cannon guns. Another favorite was the giant “operation” game. Do you remember that game? The tweezers that you use to get the bones out were a pair of silver tongs. It was cool. They had a giant slide where the steps were a replica of an esophogus, then you slid down into the stomach. Just below that was a tunnel to climb through. It looked like intestines. Along the walls and hanging from the ceiling were little known bodily function facts like: On average it takes a man 45 seconds to pee, a sneeze can be equal to 170 mile per hour winds which is why you sneeze with your eyes closed, and in some countries mothers suck the snot out of their baby’s nose. Have I totally grossed you out yet? It was pretty educational. There were booths that explained digestion and how our body deals with gas – yes going both ways. There was also the skin crawling climbing wall that told about bacteria and what happens when we get a cut or scrape. Benny wants to take Max back there to check it out himself. Go figure. LOL

Today we had a Jennifer/Niki date. We started with a trip to a bagel shop, then the ARC store (Colorado’s version of Goodwill) for their half price day…we always find the best books there. Then we went to see Elizabethtown. It was good,funny, and very thought provoking. Orlando Bloom is always fun to look at AND I think he’s a pretty good actor. Though the circumstances were not something I hope for, it made me want to go on a roadtrip. After the movie we went back to my house and she and Jonathan stayed for supper. Bob and Cheeto (former street kids) came over to eat with us and hang out for a few hours. We all had a good time, and everyone loved my chicken fried steak.

Spending time with Jennifer is always fun and I really enjoy our differences as well as our common interests. Our friendship is proof that first impressions aren’t everything – She couldn’t stand me when we first met. I was the mean head counselor and she was a camper. She later interned for Shaun, one of Benny’s best friends, and we became friends at Zenith. Then we all met again through Dry Bones. Our lives have been intertwined off and on for 12 years. She has been such a blessing to me since we moved here. It’s amazing how God keeps providing a friend for me as we get settled into a new home, and sad that He then moves them away. I’m thankful for the time we have had together, and sad that they’ll be moving to Texas a few days before Christmas. I’m going to enjoy her as much as possible while I can, and I know in my heart, and from lots of experience that good friendships don’t end because of distance. It’s awesome how much our friendship had grown in the past 5 months. She’s great and I’ll miss her.

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John is the only one of the twelve who was
at the cross. He came to say good-bye.

By his own admission he hadn’t quite put
the pieces together yet. But that didn’t
really matter. As far as he was concerned,
his closest friend was in trouble and he came
to help….

John teaches us that the….greatest webs of
loyalty are spun, not with airtight theologies
or foolproof philosophies, but with friendships;
stubborn, selfless, joyful friendships.

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