Sometimes I Write

If you haven’t been reading Benny’s blog, I hope you do soon. He doesn’t update very often, so I’ll point you in his direction when he does.

Zoe is officially potty trained…it’s been 6 days since her last accident and we’re celebrating!! 🙂

I tend not to blog as much when I’m struggling through tough and annoying questions and thoughts. Here are a few that have been on my mind lately:

Why was I born into the family that I was? Does God have a special job for me with them? Or did He have a special job for them in regards to what I need to learn and not learn about family? Some days I feel like the only white sheep in a family of black ones. That’s exaggerating a bit, I’m just not sure how else to share that I just don’t fit in with them. I don’t feel like I ever have. Sure I lived their lifestyle for years, I was a kid – I had no choice. But as an adult, I do, and I live my life very different than the rest of my family…With a few exceptions. I love them, but I don’t mind living several states away.

Why is it that I’m surrounded by people that prefer King James over any other translation of the Bible? I just don’t get it. Maybe my lack of affection for that particular translation comes from being told for years that it was the ONLY true version of scripture. At this point, I don’t even care to pick one up, though there is one in my personal library. Along that note, why is that the translation most churches give babies and their parents on dedication day, or as rewards for VBS? Like they can understand that better than any other version. Further more, why is our own preference for a certain translation worthy of debate at all? (I like the NLT, but most of the scripture I have memorized is from the NIV). Does God care what translation I use to study His word, or look to for comfort and healing, or even to use to help others fall in love with Him? Can we not trust God to lead us to truth when we ask Him to? Why does it have to be an argument over the exegesis of a particular word, and contextual obligation explaining why one view point is superior to another….blah blah blah. I think I’m getting a headache. BTW, this paragraph has nothing to do with the next one.

I love BSF. I do. But I’ve really struggled this year so far. My teaching leader is new and she reads from a script. It must be nervewracking to stand up in front of that many women and teach on passage after passage. It’s hard for me because in Indy and Wichita I had a seasoned teaching leader that not only knew the material well because they’ve been teaching it for years, but they knew so much historical background, and applications for today, and spoke with such passion and love for the word that I couldn’t scribble my notes down fast enough. It was like having a conversation it felt so natural. My leader here is obviously a great lady, I’m just having a hard time because the two before her (in my life) set the bar pretty high. And my discussion groups in both cities were amazing, especially Wichita. Those of you who have been reading here since the beginning may remember my praise for that group of women that brought me through an awkward and difficult stage of my life. My group here doesn’t have that bonded feeling that I’ve experienced before. Is it my fault? I often have very different answers than the other women. I definitely think differently than they do. One of the reasons for having a discussion group is so we can all bring our different thoughts, beliefs, and scriptural knowledge to the table and learn from each other. There have been times that I’ve shared what I had learned from a particular part of our study, and I get blank stares back at me. I admit that I have found relief and satisfaction to see what I had pointed out written in the lesson. Maybe too much satisfaction, like “Ha! See? I did put some thought into this and I’m not out of my mind.” It just hasn’t been very comfortable. Ha Ha like it’s supposed to be! And what should I do when I strongly disagree with something that is taught? That happened just today. I guess I’ll study the lesson more and ask God to clarify for me what I’m supposed to believe. Still, it feels wierd to be sitting in a room with 200 or more other women who are nodding their heads in agreement and I’m sitting there with my eyebrows raised biting my lip. What’s a girl to do?

I saw a commercial on t.v. lastnight (during LOST ofcourse) that made a pretty good point. Sometimes we can learn more from those who have different view points that those who share the one we have. There is benefit to looking at a situation with “new eyes” and trying to understand it from an unfamiliar perspective. That doesn’t mean we will always change our own thinking, but sometimes we will. Maybe I need to apply this to the above situations. What do you think?

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It was raining when we woke up this morning. Benny loaded up the kids to run errands, and a few minutes after they left, he called to say it was snowing. Sure enough, I looked out the window and what before my wondering eyes should appear? Giant snowflakes falling to the earth. I couldn’t believe it! Was our first big snowfall really here? Nope. It lasted about thirty minutes, and two hours later the sun was shining and the temperatures had risen atleast ten degrees. Thank you God! I’m not quite ready for Fall to be over yet. I’m a sweater and jeans kind of gal…not a snowboots and parka kind of gal.

It turned out to be a beautiful and fairly relaxing day for us. My hope is that tomorrow will be the same, but without the snow. It’s Creative Sunday at our church, and Max and Benny have worked hard to create a slideshow of Max’s art work to display on Benny’s laptop. Max is also going to create a one of a kind shirt in the morning to wear for the special occasion-possibly the first in a long line of art shows for him? 🙂 My oldest is extremely artistic, and I’m loving watching his excitement at sharing his art with our church family.

After Creative Sunday, we’re all (the whole church) having a fellowship at the Rock Bottom Brewery. I hear it’s a really great restaurant, and very popular in Denver. I don’t know if it’s a national chain or not, all I know is it’s going to be fun hanging out with everyone for a couple of hours. THEN, (this is very exciting for me) Benny and the kids – all 3 – are driving up to Laramie so Benny can hear his brother speak at his church for the first time. I would be going too, but I need to stay here and facilitate our discussion group for our Financial Peace University class. I’ll have the whole afternoon and most of the evening to myself. They’re spending the night in WY, and coming home in the morning. I’m probably way more excited than I should be that my family is going to be gone overnight. It’s just that I’ve been needing some Niki time. Now I have to decide how I’m going to spend that time…

I can take a long soak in the bathtub without a baby watching me saying, “Mommy, doing?”. I can paint my toenails without my son asking if I’ll paint his too. I can make a cup of tea and drink the whole thing by myself without the kids asking for just a sip. I can read more than one or two pages in my book at a time. I can watch a chick flick and cry my eyes out without being teased about being such a girl. I can write a letter. I can spend two hours straight blogging. I can do my BSF homework without procrastinating and saving it until the night before it has to be done. I can talk on the phone all night. I can get all of my homeschooling prep work for next week done in one sitting. The possibilities are endless…Ahhhhhh. What to do? RELAX…I’m going to relax.

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I received the following in my inbox today. I love the emails and reminders I get from Flylady. I hope you enjoy her thoughts on getting in the holiday spirit.

Dear Friends,
My heart is breaking right now. I have received a few emails from our members that just were not in the spirit of the season because they had no money for presents. In fact they were not even going to put up a tree because they had no presents to go under it. I am not upset because of feeling sorry because of their money problems. I am hurt because they feel that Christmas has to do with STUFF!

Stuff has robbed us of our lives, home and now the love that is part of this season. The very best gift you can give is you! It doesn’t take money to spend time with a friend. To tell the truth I don’t remember much about the gifts that I have given that were just more STUFF. I remember the ones that I gave when I didn’t have the money to give more clutter! So what if you don’t have money for gifts. If you will get out of this ole poor me attitude and realize that you have all you will ever need right inside of you. Love is the gift that keeps on giving! Even if you have money for gifts: stop giving the easy gift(the one you buy with money) and give you! Make up gift certificates for Date nights with your children or as some of us have done: Turn off your computer! Give your children a simple board game gift certificate and have family fun night once a week. There are lots of things you can do! Use your imagination! Life is too short to ruin the spirit of the holiday season because of a lack of money!

I remember one year my mother was so bummed out over marital problems that she didn’t even put up a tree! We were little children: I was the oldest at 9 years old. So instead of doing what she could with what we had, she chose to do nothing. She always loved going all out for the holidays. But this year she was wallowing in self-pity because her marriage was falling apart. I have always felt bad when I think about this: but now I realize that I had to know this feeling to be able to share it with you. Just so you know right now I am very thankful for this awful Christmas and I have great big tears rolling down my face because I have finally forgiven her. If you are feeling this kind of despair then step out and pretend to be in the holiday spirit. Go to a nursing home and volunteer for a day. Volunteer at a food bank putting together and delivering boxes to needy families. If you will just look you will find there are many people out there that are in worse shape than you are. If this holiday season brings back bad memories: then forget about them! My mother died on Christmas eve. I don’t let that pull me down, because it was her favorite time of year. Find something to be thankful for and celebrate the joy in living and touching others with your love!

Rita Davenport taught me many years ago that if money will fix it! It is not a problem. I want you to think very long and hard about this phrase. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something that will help others. That is the fastest way to get into the spirit of the season. If you give love you will receive it in return. I want for you what I have; Peace and this peace came from letting go material possessions and reaching inside of me to find the love that I can give to others. {{{HUGS}}} I love you all!FlyLady

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Some days I don’t feel like I have anything important to say, and other days I feel like I could far surpass my allotted words for the day. What is that statistic again? Women need to speak like 10,000 words a day while men only need about 3,000? I don’t know, but it’s fairly accurate at the Nowell house. (And words like “go potty” and “don’t eat your boogers” don’t count.) Thank God for girlfriends!!!

Monday night Benny and I attended a fall festival with a ninja, a very pretty princess, and an adorable roaring lion. I’ll be posting pictures soon. It was fun as far as church festivals go. It was puzzling to me to see a giant balloon sculpture with the head of a scary devil in the main fellowship room where the festivities were underway. Why on earth would you have that at a party for little kids??? Idiots. Somehow (thankfully) Zoe didn’t see it. She would have freaked!

Halloween is always a fun topic this time of the year. (insert sarcastic cough) Like JettyBetty, I have long been a fence rider on the subject. I love the idea of children playing dress up and people giving each other treats, but trick-or-treating makes absolutely no sense to me. Why would you send your kids out in local neighborhoods to collect whatever total strangers want to give them? Any other night of the year you would think that’s insane, so why on Halloween do people all of a sudden trust their fellow man to do what is best for their children? It’s crazy. I’m not anti-Halloween, just anti-trick-or-treating…Unless you know the people whose house you’re getting treats from. I wonder what Jetty Betty was handing out? 🙂 Something tells me lots of chocolate. She’s sweet like that.

My discussion group for BSF discussed Halloween at our last fellowship. It seems that I alone liked Halloween. I’m sure it won’t be the last time I stand alone in my opinions. I do think it’s interesting what and how some Christians decide to take a stand on issues like this one. I wish we’d all take a huge stand against poverty and starvation like we do on holidays and whether or not it’s a sin to celebrate them. I think our good intentions are sometimes misplaced and look a little self-righteous and stupid to those who don’t belong to the club. As always, my finger pointing includes myself (remember there’s four fingers pointing back at me) I can’t believe I’ve wasted so much of my life missing the point. The pious, perfectionistic, high and mighty mask is scarier than any mask I saw Monday night.

Are you Pro? Anti? Or Indifferent? I’ll love you anyway. Just please people, think! The Halloween issue reminds me of the issue in the NT of whether or not it was o.k. to eat meat sacrificed to idols.
Romans 14 says this:

“Those who think it is all right to eat anything must not look down on those who won’t. And those who won’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn God’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord’s power will help them do as they should.” Romans 14:3-4, NLT

The meat wasn’t the issue, the condemning of other believers was. The celebrating of Halloween has been a divisive topic for so long. Can’t we all just get along? Why is it we feel the need to not only make sure others know what we believe, but then try to persuade everyone to join us in our camp? I love my BSF sisters in spite of their thinking I’m nuts, but I recognized an area that could have turned a lovely discussion quite ugly and I managed to keep my tongue in check, and not take things they said personally. The result? A harmonious lunch. Thank you and hold the onions.

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The following is a daily prayer we have begun praying for ourselves and our children. Today we also begin praying on the armor of God with them every morning.

Lord Jesus,
I surrender to you now any sin in my life that permits satan a foothold or influence over me. In the name of the Lord Jesus I call now to account all entities of the enemy that have any form of hold in or over me. Lord Jesus, bind all these entities for this day and forbid them from interfering with me or my subconscious. By your greater power, cut off all their ability or right to bring retaliation or threat against me for any reason, today and permanently. I place a shield of Jesus’ blood between all of them and me. In Jesus’ name I cancel all plans satan and his army have made against me. Lord Jesus, place a seal of your blood on my sub-conscious, blocking all demonic contact today so that no new agreements can be made and bless my sub-conscious with safety, knowledge of the truth, courage, and healing. Jesus, fill me with your presence and your Holy Spirit, and bring glory to God in my life this day.
Amen.

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