Sometimes I Write

My Health. I’ve spent the better part of the last two weeks in bed sick, and I’m finally getting back to my old self. I’ve missed you all!

My husband. He was awesome taking care of things when I couldn’t function. He really did a great job taking care of me as well. You rock honey!

My kids. They loved on me when they could, but let me rest and heal. They want to cuddle with me even when I look and feel terrible. That’s awesome.

Dr. Zack. He is a big part of our family’s health plan, and he takes care of us physically and encourages us spiritually.

My friends. I get encouragement from many different places around the globe – from Vancouver to Brazil to Australia to Canada to Texas and many, many more. If our wealth is measured by those we love and love us, I’m a very rich woman indeed!

My material blessings. My favorite fuzzy pink blanket that keeps me cozy when I read or when I’m sick. My minivan that gets me where I need to go. My Willow Tree collection. The books that line my shelves. Our big king size bed with the t-shirt quilt I made on it. My computer. This may sound funny, but I recognize that none of these things is a need. They are all wants and luxuries that I have been blessed with.

My growing faith. Growth is sometimes painful, but is always necessary. I pray God keeps stretching me and pulling me back into Him when I start to drift.

You. I appreciate people thinking enough of me and my thoughts and feelings to keep coming back here.

I heard muffled giggling through the phone line as I read the back of the book to my friend.

“Faster than a speeding minivan, able to leap piles of laundry in a single bound, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, It’s…Supermom! Becky Miller is a young mom who wants to do Big Things for God. Her vivid daydreams help her cope with the pressure to be a Wonderful Wife and Marvelous Mother. Yet the tape going through her mind continues to play:

Your Mission: support your husband when he loses his job, nurture an eccentric circle of friends, raise perfect Christian children, cook delicious meals in a spotless kitchen, lead the women’s ministry at church, and live a life filled with Meaning and Purpose.

How does this supermom react when her grand plans start to fall apart? What will it take for her to turn off the tape and listen to God’s voice instead?”

I paused and asked, “So what do you think?” My friend answered, “Who is this woman and why did she write a book about you?” That was a month ago. I had been invited to take part in a blog tour to promote Sharon Hinck’s new book, Renovating Becky Miller. As excited as I was, I hadn’t even read the first book yet. So off to Family Christian I went to buy one of the last three copies available. As I read about this woman I could relate to so well, God began to speak to my heart about some things in my life. Things I have in common with Becky Miller. Like my tendency to be driven and push through when circumstances are bleak. I knew all too well her unspoken creed of “Never let them see you sweat”. Becky doesn’t know how to say “No” even when her plate is overflowing and her family starts to feel the strains of her overcommitments. She wants people to like her and think she’s fabulous at everything she does. Ouch. That one hurt God!

I laughed as I saw some of myself and my friends in Becky’s close circle of friends. Heather, the warm, loving and eccentric hippie who serves wheatgrass and healthy fare to houseguests. Doreen, the sleek and driven former corporate exec with the struggling marriage. Lori, the conservative, organized homeschooler and spiritually wise bestfriend. And Sally, the platitude spouting but good intentioned blond, bubbly, church secretary. An unlikely group tied together with Love.

“The one drawback of an honest, intimate circle of women was that on any issue you could name opinions ranged far and wide. Living stones, indeed. God was working with a pile of rocks. All different shapes, sizes, and textures.

The next hour was an oasis. Splashing in a wealth of spiritual refreshment. A ridiculous bounty of water compared to the miles of parched landscape beyond our cloistered evening. Enough to drink, enough to immerse ourselves in. Enough to wash over the dry places in our souls so we could face another week of trudging through hot sands.”

This book reminded me to seek out what is important – God’s rest and wisdom, marital unity, loving parenting, and the blessing that is a bonded group of women. Women who will lift each other in prayer, lend a hand in times of need, laugh and tease, and gently help us down from the pedestals we sometimes place ourselves on. I love Sharon’s style and witty humor. I loved the book and couldn’t wait to read the sequel.

Becky Miller believes in fixing things: children, friends, mother-in-law, sister, church . . . and her husband. So renovating a run-down farmhouse is right up her alley–the perfect antidote for the pressures of modern life. But Becky’s pursuit of the simple life is soon threatened. Her mother-in-law moves in, her son finds trouble at school, her sister arrives for a visit, her best friend is acting weird, all while work stresses mount. Worst of all, her marriage is in need of some major remodeling of its own. Cinematic daydreams provide Becky with heroic drama. Maybe that’s why she escapes into the scenes so often. In real life, everything is a muddled mess. Who knew one old house could lead them to the brink of bankruptcy? Or that Becky’s physical handicap could threaten to steal their dream? Can Becky stop fixing everyone else and let God renovate her heart so she can find her own happy ending?

Two years have passed, the children are older, Becky and her circle of friends have been there for each other through some tough times, and her husband’s new job is going well. So why does life seem harder than ever? Hadn’t she learned the hard lessons yet? Hadn’t God been telling her to slow down? It seems Becky still thinks if she doesn’t do things, they won’t get done right. Boy does that sound familiar. Once again I related to some of the struggles Becky and her friends go through and I found myself imitating my friend who talks back to movie screens. “No! Don’t do that! What are you crazy? Have you learned nothing? Bad choice! Good girl! Way to go and stand your ground!” I found myself trying to be Becky’s Jiminy Cricket. 🙂

I felt Becky’s frustrations as she dealt with not living up to someone else’s expectations. I laughed when their friend Harry bounds into their remodeling project and keeps Grandma Rose on her toes and feeling feisty. I grimaced as Becky’s co-worker got caught up in the numbers game with a “perfect formula of basic math” translating into X amount of dollars spent on media outreach means X amount of souls saved. Poor Becky. I too have walked that tightrope of church work where there is always one more thing to do, and after this one activity, project, etc. I’ll have more time, more energy, and more (you fill in the blank). True to real life, when Becky finally takes some time out to pray and talk to God about her life, a thousand things interrupt their time together. I found myself cheering on this heroine as she and those she loves get more than they bargained for in the renovating phase of life. As I closed the book with a smile on my face, I began to talk to God about the renovating going on in my own life.

Learn more about Sharon and her books at http://www.sharonhinck.com/ There’s even a quiz to see which “friend” you are. Sharon is alot of fun! She found a loyal reader in me when she said:

“Life is a grand adventure, and even the small choices we make each day can be heroic.”

As I type this, I’m thinking back to when this blogging journey began. Who was I then compared to who I am now? Why does it seem significant to me to mark every 100 posts as if that’s a great milestone in my life? Is it? I know I’m ever changing and growing, but so much more happens in my life than I post here. That’s not necessarily a complaint. There is a certain freedom lost when I know there are people popping over here that are watching our every move, but it’s more than that. It seems I’m still on the quest for purpose when it comes to blogging. I started out just wanting to share my thoughts on things. This was a place to vent. God has used this place to bring some wonderful people into my life via the web. He’s also used it to bring challenge and healing to some special people, some of which I barely know and a few of whom I dearly love. It has served as a bonding tool between me, yoda, Robey, and many other YM friends. It has been a catalyst to an intercessory prayer team. Yes, I’m still growing and the purposes for blogging are many.

One of the changes in my life since Day 1 in the blogosphere is that I am once again taking the time to read just for the FUN of reading. I got lost under a mountain of How-To books as I was initiated into the worlds of parenting and youth ministry simultaneously. I could have completed a Masters Thesis on both topics with all that I’ve read and learned, yet still I remain a non-expert opinion outside of my own brain. But back to my point…reading for fun. Somehow I think I had convinced myself that I didn’t have time for such foolish luxuries as reading fiction. Those days would reappear after my youngest leaves home and I could have long leisurely afternoons curled up with a great book and a hot cup of chai. I would savor the words, flavors and aromas as I found rest and relaxation in a world someone else had created. O.K. you don’t have to worry – I pinched myself and jumped back to reality. The truth is, I need days like that right now – not some unknown date in the distant future. My youngest is 3…I can’t wait that long.

After Music, God speaks to me through books. Sometimes it’s a loud voice calling me to a place of acknowledgement, repentance, or thankfulness. Sometimes it’s a small whisper gently healing my broken places and applying a balm to those that remain raw. Sometimes it just a reminder that God invented laughter and wants me to experience it in large doses. I learn through stories as I see myself or people I know in characters and characteristics of those who live in fictional worlds. Then there are those books that seem to blur the lines between fiction and reality. I’ve read a few of those lately. I’m reviewing one such book here tomorrow. I look forward to sharing my thoughts on two books by Sharon Hinck: The Secret Life of Becky Miller and Renovating Becky Miller. So, see you here tomorrow!

This is my friend Chris Luther. He’s the Athletic Director at York College, where we both graduated in the early 90’s. He was recently named Midlands Collegiate Athletic Conference Athletic Director of the Year for his conference. Later, he was chosen for the same honor for his region (a four state area), making him one of 12 A.D.s in the country to receive the award. As a result of this award, Luther is now on the ballot at the national level. The National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics Athletic Director of the Year will be chosen at their annual convention in March in Kansas City. Read the rest of the article about my friend here.

Oh the stories I could share about this man! 😉 His sweet wife Annahleise was my friend at York as well. They have two beautiful children and still live in the little Norman Rockwellish city of York, Nebraska. I’m proud of Chris and what he has done with the athletic program at York over the last few years. I was able to visit with him and his family last summer when I went to my college choir reunion. I watched him love on and care for his children and I was impressed. You can just tell when it’s an act and when it’s real. He’s a good Dad. Of course Annahleise is a fabulous mother as well. They are one of those families that I wish I lived near so we could hang out as families. I just wanted to honor him here and promote the legacy he’s creating with his family and his athletic program. Way to go Chris!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What a weekend I had! Friday night I had the pleasure of having dinner with my friends Paula and JettyBetty, both leave comments here and are linked on my sidebar. It was a wonderful time of sharing and we could have sat there for hours if not on a time schedule to meet husbands. JB’s husband had meetings here in CO and she was able to come along for the trip. She and Paula had never met so I thought it would be great for us all to get together. Here’s the funny part of the story. A few months ago I noticed that JB had left a comment on Paula’s blog. I assumed she found Paula through my blog. When I commented to Paula about it, she said that JB had been blogging there for a few years and she thought JB had found my blog through hers. I told her that JB had been with my blog since it’s beginning in late 2004 – when I still lived in KS and hadn’t met Paula yet. Sounds like we’re fighting over her, huh? haha So, we figured out that JB had found and befriended both of us separately, then Paula and I found each other last year on our own. Well, with a little help from Michael, our pastor. We got to tell JB the story over dinner and she was surprised to learn that Paula and I go to church together and are a part of the same homeschooling group. She thought we were just blogging friends that connected. It wasn’t until after we were friends that we discovered that we were both bloggers. Just another example of the www bringing people together. 😉 (deep breath) Anyway, they are both spiritually mature women have have loved me through some tough times. I encourage you to check out their blogs. They are both wonderful and I am blessed to be their friend!

After leaving Paula and JettyBetty, I went home to call my friend Linda. That morning during Friday school I got a sudden and STRONG urge to go to Buena Vista to visit my friend Linda. Most of you have heard me talk about her before. She is one of my closest friends and I consider her my spiritual mentor. She’s a fabulous lady and I can’t say enough about her – I love her so much. I worked out the details with Benny to drive to B.V. next weekend to spend Saturday with her, then called my Father-in-law to see if I could spend the night at their house while there. I just needed to call Linda to make sure she was available.

Well, the day was so full that it was 8 p.m. before I could call her. She answered the phone with a tired voice. We talked for a few minutes and the short version of the story is that she spent 3 days last week in the hospital for Congestive Heart Failure. She is 64 and has had many health issues over the past several years, including a previous heart surgery. BUT, she’s the spunkiest, most energetic and fun 64 year old I’ve ever met. I told her my plan to come next weekend, and she said she was glad because she needed to see me. The more we talked, the more I got the feeling that things are REALLY bad. She said she’d give me more details when I get there and we can talk more freely. She was so tired today she couldn’t even put a load of laundry in the washer. She’s on 7 different meds right now. There is more.

I hung up the phone and burst into tears telling Benny the whole story. He told me to go immediately and not wait until next weekend. I calmed down a bit and called her back and told her the change of plans and she thanked me for coming sooner. Something was terribly wrong. She’s never talked to me like that in all of our years of friendship, and I was scared. I was hoping she was just feeling really down and needed to see a friendly face she rarely gets to see.

So I left early Saturday morning to drive up there. I got to the top of Kenosha Pass (1 1/2 hours from my house) and the road was closed due to “adverse road conditions”. I was really upset and backtracked to try a different route – which also ended with a road closure. I called my MIL to call road conditions for me and she said my only other route wasn’t closed, but was reported “dangerous conditions” and was pretty far out of my way – it could be closed by the time I got there. So I drove home in tears. I tried. I called Linda back and we chatted. She told me she didn’t want me to worry about her and that she would be fine. She updated me on her condition and said that she’d love to see me next weekend. She has a team of people visiting her and taking care of her. She is waiting for all the meds to do what they are supposed to do and if they don’t, she doesn’t know what will happen next. She is scheduled for an EKG tomorrow. Please pray for her. She’s not the type to just sit at home and right now she can’t do anything but that. It must be so frustrating for her.

As much as I don’t like it, it was probably best for me to be at home anyway. I’ve had a sinus infection for about a week and can’t seem to get my groove back. Some days it’s easier to push through the fatigue than others. Friday was a good day, but Saturday after my failed attempt to get to B.V., I went to a movie (great distraction from all the emotions), then spent the rest of the day on the couch feeling lousy. Benny had taken the kids to Colorado Springs to a motorcycle show, so I had peace and quiet for a few hours. Sunday I spent the whole day on the couch and in bed, sneezing and coughing up green stuff. (yeah – gross – I know) Today I’m not much better. I at least have the energy to blog and maybe get some reading done. I couldn’t concentrate enough yesterday to do ANYTHING. Even the t.v. was a bit of a fog.

Today is supposed to be my cleaning day, but I’m more interested in resting than having a clean house. Don’t come over for a visit! 😉 The kids have free reign to explore their imaginations in their rooms. It’s almost lunch time, then nap time and Max’s school work, then a lazy afternoon. I’m so tired. So once again I ask for your prayers for restored health. I’ll still be blogging this week…with a book review on Friday. Thanks for stopping by! I’m off to make more tea…

So Angi, my art loving friend, recognized the woman depicted on my blog and did a little research. It turns out the template was designed from a Botticelli painting of the goddess Venus. I love art too, but I’ve never studied it and I’m not very familiar with some of the “masterpieces” other artsy people are so fond of. And yes, Jared was correct – she is naked. No worries – you will never see bare breasts on this blog. So at first I was bothered by this little fact of a “pagan” painting being my inspiration for a beautiful blog background. How does that mesh with my faith? Isn’t it just a painting? Should I change it? Will it give the wrong impression to people who stop by here and don’t really know me? Yeah, I tend to overthink things a lot. I need to get over myself sometimes.

Here’s what I think…

She is incredibly beautiful…and fictional. I do not believe in Greek gods and goddesses and therefore to me she is a symbol of what is important to me. To me she is free, soft, and wild, and I see in her a strength and deep love. My husband saw it first and said, “You should use this one, it’s more ‘you'”. He knows that I appreciate beauty in many forms and the fact that he associated this woman with my tastes is very flattering. She exudes a gentle beauty with her wild hair waving in the breeze, a soft expression on her face, and her hand over her heart as if she’s captivated by whatever she’s looking at and her breath is caught. It’s what and who I want to be…who I was made to be. Free, soft, wild, strong and overflowing with love. That may sound a bit cheesey to you and that’s o.k. I said yesterday that I aim to be “nakedly open and honest” here. It’s how I choose to live my life. Sometimes it’s easier than others. So she stays.

The writing beside her is symbolic as well. I have a story to tell. I’m part of a great adventure. The writing is not always clear to me, but it is there. It is still unfinished and I’m adding my own pen strokes to the parchment, in my own style – the one given to me by my Heavenly Father. Some days the lines flow gracefully in an orderly row and some the ink falls in scratches and blotches across the paper. It’s all a part of the story that is mine. Oh yes, this template is me alright. Still unfinished, imperfect, but beautiful all the same. Did I mention she has red hair? 😉