Sometimes I Write

“I’m just trying to keep my head above water”…“I feel like all I’ve been doing is treading water, trying to stay afloat”…“I’m sinking fast”. All negative images. Water vs. man (woman). I’ve heard them all and more and I’ve said them all myself- maybe even to you. When did that happen? When did the water become the enemy…or something to conquer? Has it always been that way and my little girl imagination just didn’t get it? Is it a fear of the unknown? There are so many water movies that I found incredibly cool, yet a little scary. The Abyss comes to mind. Even the word “abyss” con notates danger. But that’s not really my focus here.

How about something a little more light hearted like say… The Little Mermaid? Sebastian sang in the catchy tune “Under The Sea”, The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake…words so true. Every girl that sang along with Ariel when she lamented wanting to be “part of that world” knows what I’m talking about when I speak of longing for something more than I already have and know. Sometimes the sacrifices to get what we long for are huge. Unlike Ariel, I would never give up my voice. I wouldn’t be me anymore. I related more to her daughter Melody in The Little Mermaid II. She pretended to have fins…and she didn’t know about her heritage. It was kept from her in the name of protection. Boy this could go deep…no pun intended.

I have seen no less than 4 movies in the last year that have to do with mermaids. Yes, I still cling to the mermaid fantasy. It’s not that I want to go live with the fishes, and it’s not that I want to escape and leave everything I know behind for a new life. As a child it was about escape. As an adult I know it’s that I want to be special, unique, mysterious, legendary. Mermaid movies resonate with me for many reasons:

1. I know I was not meant to live in this world. I’m an alien here. (A mermaid)
2. I’m so often misunderstood…Aren’t we all?
3. I do long for greener seaweed, uh…grass.
4. Sometimes I get lost and wander into waters that are dangerous for me…and I need rescuing or at least help getting back to where I belong.
5. Sometimes I swim towards dangerous waters intentionally.
6. I have faithful friends that will journey with me (like Flounder and Sebastian), but sometimes I choose to go it alone (like Madison in Splash)
7. All of those movies are about one thing…relationships. And THAT is the meaning of life…relationships.

I guess I am living the mermaid life. But occasionally I still catch myself holding my breath until it burns.

Yesterday Benny and I celebrated our 14th Anniversary! We celebrated with dinner and a movie. That’s not too original, but it’s what we enjoy. We went to BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse and the food was so-so. The atmosphere was cool though. We probably won’t eat there again, but we’re glad we tried it. After dinner we went to see Spiderman 3. I don’t know if we’re just getting old (34 & 37 haha) and cranky or what, but we were slightly annoyed with the huge crowd. Thankfully I had bought our tickets online in the afternoon. The show was sold out. When we got to the theater we had to wait in a HUGE line to get to our particular theater. It was loud, crowded, and hot. I think we’ve been spoiled by going to matinee showings during the week when there aren’t very many people and the prices are a lot lower. 😉 That’s one of the benefits of being a homeschooling/ministry family that I enjoy. Anyway, I was with the man I love and as we talked and laughed I was very grateful we made it past those first few rocky years. Here we are celebrating 14 years of marriage and going strong. My friend Shay said with a grin, “Wow Niki, that’s a long time for him to put up with you!” No kidding! lol

We liked the movie. There were too many story lines crammed in, but we’re suckers for superheroes. Spiderman is not our favorite hero, but we enjoyed the movie anyway. It was too scary for little kids – which there were several there. I wanted to slap some parents upside their heads. I know not everyone shares my movie criteria, but come on people! Venom was way too scary! There were some good lessons to be learned from the movie. I liked the whole Spidey struggling with his darker side. I also like the message of forgiveness that played out between the Sandman and Spiderman. Friendship was the other great theme. I can forgive the overcrowding of plots. I would have written it a little differently, but then again, no one asked me. 😉 I’m sure there will be a Spiderman 4 – regardless of what the critics are saying about 3. My guess is we should be expecting another installment of Batman as well.

Speaking of movies, this is the summer of the sequels! Fantastic 4, Pirates of the Caribbean, Rush Hour 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Harry Potter. Lots of choices. I’m looking forward to a few movies coming out on DVD this month: Music and Lyrics, Catch and Release, and Because I Said So to name a few. All chick flicks!

Worship was really good this morning and afterward my friend Kristi (Captivating Kristi) took all three of our kids for the afternoon. Benny and I had lunch together and now he’s home working on his motorcycle while I’m enjoying a little free wi-fi at Atlanta Bread Company. It’s a nice way to start my week. Especially after all that happened last week. We went to Colorado Springs to see some friends, played at the Focus on the Family visitor’s center, took pictures with Flat Stanley at the north entrance of the Air Force Academy, had a yard sale, and a long list of other activities. This week will be busy too, but we start our new schedule tomorrow so it should be a regularly paced and planned week compared to the chaotic breakneck speed we’ve been living with lately. I need structure and a plan. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. 😉

My friend Paula is an excellent writer. (bottom left) She published an article this month in The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, a publication for homeschooling families. Her article is titled, Orange Sherbet Friendship, and she mentions me and the rest of our Captivating Women group in her article. I wish I could link you to it, but it’s not published on the web. It’s too bad, but I can show you the picture that accompanied the article. Nope, it’s not this nicely posed first picture…it’s the second one.
Kristi and I were leaning over the back of the bench and I suddenly realized I didn’t want to chance a cleavage shot so I stood up to adjust myself. I told them I didn’t want to “expose the girls” which made us all laugh. That’s when Paul snapped the picture. I was a bit horrified when she told me which picture the mag had chosen for the article. Do I hurt Abi’s husband Paul for taking it, Abi for mailing it to Paula, or Paula for submitting it (among others) to the magazine? 😉 Paula said, “No one will know what you’re doing Niki, and besides, it shows us having a good time and laughing with each other.” I told her the story was too funny NOT to tell and that I’d blog about it.

My first appearance in a national magazine and it’s a picture of me adjusting myself. Lovely. 😉

Oh well, If we can’t laugh at ourselves once in awhile we have no business laughing at others. Wait. That’s not right. I meant we need to be able to laugh at ourselves once in a while. 😉 It really is a stress reliever. I take myself way too seriously most of the time. These women help me lighten up. Paula’s article was about the seasons of friendships she’s enjoyed and the barren months of loneliness in between those seasons. Different seasons of our lives sometimes call forth different friendships as well. She talks about the ways she is blessed by her friends. She so often speaks to my heart, but she hit the spot when she said:

“God Himself models community for us by living in perfect harmony as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. One of Jesus’ prayers for us in scripture is that we will be one as He and the Father are one. While this passage has to do with harmony among brethren, I also believe it addresses our need for intimacy with each other. The Lord knows we need meaningful relationships to help us along life’s journey. If you haven’t made friendships a priority in your life, take a moment to ask the Lord what He has for you in this area. Pray that He’ll show you how to be a good friend and open doors for the community He wants you to have. It may look different than you expect, but it will be just right for what God is doing in your life.”

The title of the article came from an experience Paula had a few months ago. When she was a little girl, her mother would take Paula to her grandparents house when she was sick so she could manage her work schedule. Her beloved grandpa would drive to town and bring her back a carton of orange sherbet to cheer her up. A few months ago Paula spent a few weeks in bed VERY sick. I brought her a pot of chicken soup, and Wendy brought her a carton of Orange Sherbet. Both were things that she had wanted but not asked for and somehow Wendy and I knew what to bring. God is so good like that; giving us a nudge in the direction we need to go. He used us to minister not only to Paula’s body as she was ill, but to her spirit. What an awesome reminder that He knows the intimate details of our lives and loves us deeply enough to provide for our needs, yes, but our wants as well. The article was great and I’m so proud anytime her writings are published.

Who are your Orange Sherbet Friends? Have you told them lately how much they mean to you or how God has used them to minister to your spirit? Now may be a good time to do that. 😉 Here are a few of mine:

Last Saturday was the second most important day in the life of my oldest son. Second only to the day he was born. 😉 We met several of our friends at a church near our home and I had the privilege of joining my husband in baptizing Max. We entered the warm waters of the baptistry and before Benny could say anything, Max went under water to get his hair wet. I was stunned, then laughed as Benny raised his hands up in the air and said, “I guess we’re done here”. Our friend Stan said, “Hey! Is he double dipping?” It was comic relief that kept me from crying all
over the place. There we were surrounded by our friends and Benny’s parents as Max was finally able to do what he’s been begging to do for almost four years now. Over the past several weeks we had had several people make comments about him being too young and not understanding why we are baptized in the first place. None of those people were present of course. If you have wondered what the “proper age” is for a big step like this, and maybe doubt if he was ready, you just need to have a conversation with him. At seven years old he has a better understanding than I did at 11 when I was baptized. He’s been asking since he was three! I can tell you that there will be few moments in my life as a parent that will bring me more joy than being a part of my children choosing to give their lives to Jesus! It was such an emotional experience for me, but I held it together pretty well. Max was excited but ready to get on with it. Benny was and is a proud Popa!

After the baptism we all went to our house for a cookout. There were 34 of us and I was a bit nervous that we would be incredibly crowded, not to mention trying not to play the comparison game. Alot of our friends have big beautiful homes. As it turned out, there was plenty of room and plenty of food, accompanied by great fellowship. We were enveloped by people who love us, and my friends who hadn’t been to our home expressed how much they enjoyed being there. That had to be a blessing straight from God. (Thank You Lord! You are so good to me!) Benny and Pete (my FIL) grilled hot dogs and Beer Brats with all the fixings 😉 My friend Heather made a cake shaped like an open book and wrote in red frosting: The Book Of Life with Max’s name listed on the page. It was awesome. It was nice to introduce church friends to homeschooling friends to Captivating friends to neighbors. It felt a bit strange to have so many communities of our life come together to celebrate this day with us, but it was a wonderful afternoon! Thank you to everyone who sent words of love to my son!

Max and his buddies:

(Left to Right) Levi, Jack, Max, and Alexander

It began with every wife and mother’s worst nightmare. I thought, Lord, I don’t know where this is going, but it had better be good. I was teary by page five and wondering how this woman was going to be redeemed. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that started out this intense. Talk about a page turner! Right from the first chapter I was launched forward through the twists and turns that would make tragedy morph into triumph.