Sometimes I Write

Now that I’ve confessed what I think is the cause of my life-long insomnia, it’s time to decide what to do about it. I have three choices:

1. I can continue in the pattern I’m used to.
2. I can modify the current situation.
3. I can completely overhaul my internal clock and body rhythm and turn myself into a morning person.

I’m going with #2. After almost 40 years of being a night owl, I’m really not interested in changing that aspect of me.  I truly feel more productive after 5 p.m. I was even born at 11:29 p.m. 😉 Whether it’s a learned behavior or an innate one, I have absolutely no desire to get up before 8 a.m.  Ever. I do it for special occasions like going to my writer’s group every Tuesday morning, and the occasional breakfast date, but that last one rarely happens because most of my friends are also night owls.

So what’s my plan? I’m so glad you asked.

According to the American Sleep Association, there are a few things I can do to promote good sleep.

1. Maintain a regular sleep routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, give or take 20 minutes. I can do that. Except for Tuesdays.
2. Avoid naps. I already do that. Naps make me feel disoriented. If I’m going to sleep, I expect to wake up the next day.
3. Don’t stay in bed awake for more than 5-10 minutes. This one is a problem for me as I tend to be a clock watcher. The ASA recommends getting up and letting your mind race while sitting in a chair and then return to bed when you’re sleepy. And hide the clock if you must. Hmmm…I’ll have to work on that one.
4. Don’t watch TV or read in bed. It promotes wakefulness. They say the bed is only for 2 things: Sleep and Hanky Panky. I didn’t know people still used that phrase.
5. Avoid inappropriate substances that interfere with sleep. Caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes, and even some OTC medications cause disruptive sleep. None of these are a problem for me.
6. Have a quiet, comfortable bedroom. Cool is better than too warm, and darkness is important. Check. Our bedroom is like a cave it’s so dark and cool in there, but obviously this one hasn’t helped me.
7. Have a comfortable pre-bedtime routine. They suggest a warm bath or shower, and quiet time. Exactly. That IS my quiet time. Everyone else has been asleep for hours by the time I go to bed. I covet that time.

I don’t take medication unless I’m really sick, so sleep aids are not for me. I think the pre-bedtime routine coupled with consistent sleep and wake times will help me the most. That’s what I’m going to try first. Midnight to 8 a.m. sounds about right. I’ll take some time tomorrow to come up with a good bedtime routine and post it here.

I’m still thinking through all of this, so tomorrow’s post will be about children and sleep. I’ll tell you about my boys: my sleep pattern copycat and my little early bird. As is the story of her life, my girl fits somewhere in between the two.

It feels good to write all this out, and it’s so much cheaper than therapy. 😉

Ugh. This stinks. I am NOT going to miss a single day of posting something, but I’m still down today – sleeping a lot and not thinking straight. I’m reminding myself that fever is good and my body is fighting the infection like it’s supposed to, so I should be on the mend soon. I have an appointment tomorrow whether I’m feeling well or not, so I’m off to bed. See you back here tomorrow sometime.

I’m not wimping out on the challenge, I’m barely functioning today. My brain is so fuzzy I can’t even concentrate on the book I’m reading. I’m fighting an infection from a bad tooth and it’s kicking my butt. I’ll be back tomorrow with the conclusion to the insomnia posts. The only good thing coming from this is the forced sleep and rest I’m getting. Oh the irony! Good night, friends. I’m off to make some more of this:

There are many causes to my insomnia, and no, I’ve not been officially diagnosed. I’m overweight and have a pretty sedentary lifestyle (I’m actively working on that), I have terrible sleep hygiene (that was a new phrase for me), I have a lot of stress in my life, and I’ve been grieving for a few months. BUT, there was another part to Benny’s epiphany about my sleep behavior, and I suspect that IT is the long-term cause.

Remember when I said I’ve been a night owl since early childhood? I argued with Benny that I didn’t choose to be this way, I just am, and the length of time I’ve been doing this proves it. He countered with reminding me that a lot of the major trauma in my life happened when I was very young.

He thinks not sleeping is a defense mechanism – my subconscious trying to keep my body safe. If I’m awake I can be on guard, but if I’m asleep, I’m vulnerable. That used to be the scariest word in my vocabulary, as it is for most abused kids. But I’m an adult now and I sleep next to Benny. Have you seen my husband? If he can’t keep me safe while I sleep, who can? I know it’s not about him, or even about being an adult and outgrowing this not-sleeping thing. I still have some issues to face, bad habits to break, and good sleep hygiene to practice. The nightmares? I have no idea what to do about them even though I have a good idea why I’m having them this week.

Okay insomniac friends: Do you have any ideas why YOU struggle with sleep? How do you handle it?

More tomorrow in Part 3: The conclusion.