Sometimes I Write

I’ve sat down at my computer twice in the past week to post on my blog and ended up reading everyone else’s instead. Am I the only one that gets sucked into that? So here’s a recap since I last blogged, and some random thoughts.

We had a great visit with my brother. I am so thankful for the relationship we have and the comfortableness (is that even a word?) that we share. He totally spoiled Max for his birthday, and the rest of us for Christmas. Instead of shipping gifts to us in December, he brought them with him. Everyone of us loved our gifts. He gave me gift cards to Borders and Family Christian Stores – does he know me or what? 🙂 He flew back to MN Sunday night and I could tell it was just as hard for him to leave as it was for me. I HATE saying goodbye!

Benny is getting back on track and has posted an update on his blog. It’s been a hard week for our ministry. We ask that you continually pray for Dry Bones and our team. You’ll understand once you read his latest post. I don’t want to cover it here also.

Our friends Jonathan and Jennifer came over for dinner Monday night. I love their visits and we never run out of things to talk about. After the kids went to bed, Jennifer and I decided to go to a movie. We went to see Just Like Heaven. It was a funny, sad, and sweet chick flick. We loved it. 🙂 I’ve liked Mark Ruffalo since seeing him in 13 Going On 30. He’s the sweet, handsome, boy next door type, the kind I should have gone for in high school! He has mannerisms and a few things about him that remind me of one of my favorite guy friends, I’m not telling who. The movie was entertaining and since I cry at Hallmark commercials, I knew I should have brought a few tissues with me. I’ll probably go see it again because I always catch things the second time around that I didn’t the first time. Benny and Adam should see it solely on that fact that the guy that played Napoleon Dynamite is in it. (Insert the little guy that rolls his eyes here) LOL

Have you ever been excited because someone you look up to and have a lot of respect for comments on your blog? I have. I don’t know if it’s because I view them as more important, or if it’s that they’re more well known and have a huge circle of influence. Patrick Mead left me a comment on my Max post. I met him a couple of years ago at our church in Wichita, and I’ve heard him speak at Winterfest. He’s a funny man, and he loves the Lord – great combination! You have to check out his blog, and I hope you get the opportunity to hear him speak, or better yet, meet him and have a chat. There’s just something about a guy with an accent…LOL

The other one is Larry James. I’ve mentioned him several times before. He’s the CEO of Central Dallas Ministries, and another strong man of God. He constantly keeps the plight of the poor and needy of our society in the face of Christians, the media, and the government alike. Sometimes his posts are hard to read because they’re so convicting, and sometimes I feel like we’re sharing a podium. We haven’t actually met yet, but he stops by here every now and then, and he wrote me an email that helped change my life. Check out his blog too.

It’s amazing to me who God brings into my life and when, and even why. There are so many men and women that have challenged me to be what God wants me to be. I want to be that person for someone else. I’m just so glad that we don’t have to face the things that come our way alone. What could be more important on this earth than relationships?

Why do I let little things irritate me? Cindy Sheehan has wiggled and protested her way under my skin. I bristle everytime I hear her name. She is enjoying the very freedom (with her protest) that our soldiers are fighting for. I am sorry for her loss, I can’t begin to imagine losing a son. I don’t know her whole story, but I do know that it was her son’s choice to fight, AND she was granted a discussion with President Bush a month before her protest began. I guess she didn’t like his answers. There are two sides to every story, and this war is no different. There are people who are for the war and people who are against it. What I don’t like to hear is Christians saying their view is the right one – and there are Christians on both sides of the debate. “We should be about peacemaking because that’s what Jesus was about”. ” Jesus was not a pacifist”. “We should be about standing up for and protecting those who can’t do it for themselves”. “What about God wiping out entire nations? He isn’t anti-war”. What’s a girl to think about all of this? I think that sometimes was is necessary. I wonder if there were people who protested the Civil War? or the World Wars? Or did it begin with Vietnam? I guess I need to brush up on my history because I don’t remember.

Next week I’m flying to Indiana to be with Angi for a few days. The anniversary of the accident and Kyle’s death are October 9th. She’s still hurting and struggling to make sense of it all. Please keep her in your prayers, and check out her blog. Leave her an encouraging word or two. I know she’ll appreciate it.

Well, I’ve procrastinated long enough. Mt. Washmore is calling my name. Have a great week! And don’t forget…LOST is on tonight! 😉

Exactly six years ago today my first child was born. Life has never been the same since. How can I even begin to describe the joy and the challenges this child has brought into my life? He is one of the small percentage of babies that are born on their due date. He was my easiest pregnancy and my hardest labor. He is one of my greatest gifts and accomplishments. This is just a taste of the story of Max.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Max, I was shocked. Not “Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant” shocked, but much, much more shocked than that. You see, Benny and I thought we couldn’t have children. We hadn’t prevented it for six years, with nothing happening. As far as our doctors were concerned, there wasn’t anything physically preventing it, it just wasn’t happening. After six years, we sort of gave up and accepted that we wouldn’t give birth to our own children, but we’d be blessed by someone elses child that they couldn’t keep. Sure I went through my bouts of babyitis when everyone else was having babies except me, but I reassured myself that someday we would adopt to grow our family. Besides, we were in youth ministry and were always going to be surrounded by other peoples kids. We were also recovering from some MAJOR struggles, mainly money issues.

Then I started having a few dreams about babies, and thinking about them more and more. I had a pregnant friend, so I explained it away by assuming I was thinking about her. One day I had an overwhelming urge to take a pregnancy test, which was odd because I hadn’t even missed a period yet. I felt silly buying the test and I didn’t tell Benny that I did. So that night we’re at home, and I took the test. (Me being the untrusting type, I had bought two) As I was walking out of the bathroom with the test in my hand, Benny was coming down the hall towards me. Our eyes met and I burst into tears. Benny’s a smart man, he saw the shock on my face and the white stick in my hand, and then he did the unthinkable. He started laughing at me and clapping! (the nerve of that guy!) I’m not sure why he thinks it’s hilarious that I’m such an emotional creature. 😉 As usual, I played the role of blabbering worrywart and he countered me with the everything’s going to be fine speech. We had a VERY long talk that night and began planning for some life changes. The next morning I took the second test just to be sure. Yep, it was still positive. Little did we know what the rest of that year would bring for us.

We named him long before he was born and called him by name for months. We wanted a name that would be cute for a little boy, but masculine enough for him as he grew into a man. Those are even his initials: M A N (Max Allen Nowell) Max means “the greatest”, and Allen is a family name on Benny’s side.

1999 was CRAZY!!! We interviewed for our first full time paid youth ministry position in Indianapolis, Indiana the weekend of our 6th anniversary, in May. We moved to IN the first weekend in June. I was six months along then, and not much help as far as the moving was concerned. Summer smacked us in the face as we began to get to know our new church family and settle in 12 hours from both sets of parents. It was the hottest summer on record in many years in Indy, and I thought I would melt. I was used to the dry climate of Colorado and thought we had moved to the armpit of the United States. The summer went by quickly and soon it was close to Max’s due date. I got really lonely, really fast. I hadn’t made any close, close friends yet and I eagerly awaited Laurie’s arrival.

When I went into the hospital on September 21st, I envisioned a quick delivery so I could be home with my new baby, my wonderful hubby, and my best friend Laurie who had come to be with me and run my house while I recouperated. Yeah…Right! I’ll spare you all the gruesome details, but the next morning there I was still in a hospital bed, very tired, very sore, and very pregnant. Long story – short, I pushed for close to two hours and Max was showing signs of fetal distress. I had already been in labor for 22 hours and we needed to get him out! The doctor finally determined that he was NOT going to come out that way and it was time to do a c-section. The technical reason was shoulder dystocia – he was stuck and nothing was going to get him out that way. I was exhausted and said something like, “Fine, whatever, just get him out of me!” (Sounds motherly huh?) lol

Less than 2 hours later, I was being wheeled out of the O.R. back to my room, holding a very beautiful 9 lb. 10 oz., 23 inch long, healthy baby boy. It was September 22, the day I joined the mother club. My first visitor arrived shortly after that, Jan Brantly, the supermom of 6 kids herself, one of them my friend and fellow blogger, Kent. Maybe it was her own experience, maybe it was being a doctor’s wife, I don’t know, but she was very comforting to me and it was almost like Max was being held by one of his grandmothers. Ofcourse just the thought made me cry. Laurie and Benny had been there right by my side for the whole experience, and I also had one of the best doulas in the world – Jeannie Isaacs. Even though my birthplan didn’t come close to reality, it was an awesome experience. It’s hard to explain how tender yet how fierce my love for this baby was. I would have (and still will) hurt anyone who tried to harm him in any way.

I’ve learned so much from being a mother, and I’ll keep on learning long after he is grown and has his own family. One of my favorite things is having a little insight into God as a parent and just how big his sacrifice for me was. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. Greater is He, that’s for sure!

Now for the challenge part. (hehe) Max is what people would call “all boy”. He’s adventurous, and dangerous. I used to think he’s fearless, but that has changed a bit since his brother and sister have joined the family. I let him do lots of things that “good parents” don’t let their kids do, like jump on the bed, and climb all over the furniture, and let him be Tarzan and play all day in his underwear. You know you wish you had days like that! 😉 Don’t worry, he knows that’s only o.k. at our house, and he’s very respectful of other peoples stuff when we’re visiting friends. He loves to climb on things and jump from his top bunk across the room to his sister’s bed. Most days he’s a superhero, or a preacher, or a spy. He loves to talk. (I wonder where he gets that from?) 🙂 If you put a microphone in the boy’s hand, expect him to command his audience and be long-winded. He’s in the knock-knock joke phase right now, which is driving me nuts. He knows what he wants and he isn’t afraid to tell you. He asks tons of questions, has a tender heart, and he loves the Lord. He even baptized Elmo in our bathtub! He’s very into martial arts, especially the weapons used, which is why his bond with his Uncle Lennie will always be strong. He will talk to ANYONE who crosses his path, as evidenced today when he proudly told every person we met, “Today’s my birthday and I’m six years old now!” Max is intelligent and eager to learn new things. He remembers things like noone else I know, which he loves to use against me, “But mommy, you said…”

Out of all three of our children, Max is the most like me. Sometimes Benny listens to us talking and laughs and says, “I can’t wait until he’s older to watch you to have a discussion. I’ll place bets on who will win what argument”. Yikes! I know how he thinks, and he’s very logical about everything. He doesn’t like to deviate from “the plan” and he does so much bettter when we are on a schedule. He always wants to know what’s coming next. He likes to have his own space and he definitely likes to have his alone time.

He has a heart the size of Texas! We were driving Benny to work one day and as we pulled off onto our exit, we saw a man with a sign waiting at the stoplight. We were several cars back, but Max spotted him and asked what he was doing. We told him the man was trying to collect money or food and Max said “oh”. Benny asked if we had any food with us to give the man. I said I did’n’t think so, and Max said incredulously, “You mean we’re not going to give him anything???” He was upset. All we had was a bunch of bananas I had brought for our morning snack so we ripped a few off and as we approached the corner, I handed them to him out the window. He smiled warmly and thanked me. I looked in the rearview mirror at Max and he was smiling as we pulled away.

Max has gotten into many scrapes which scared me half to death. Two weeks ago I blogged about the whole downtown bus incident. Lastnight we went to pick up Lennie from the airport and it happened again! We were heading from the baggage claim area to the elevators and Max got to push the button. The doors opened rather quickly and he and Zoe hopped on the elevator. Then the doors closed rather quickly – before we could reach them. Max had stuck his fingers in the door to keep them from closing, which didn’t work, but somehow the elevator didn’t move either. He and Zoe were panicking and screaming, “Get us out of here!” and I’m trying to pry the doors open with my hands because I can see his little fingers still in there through the crack I could make with mine. I thought he was hurt. Why is it I’m always the closest one and still the most helpless one? Benny took over trying to open the doors, unsuccessfully, as we were both trying to get the kids to calm down and explain what the “open door” button looks like. Max was too scared to see straight and kept yelling that he couldn’t find it. I hopped on the elevator closest to them and told Benny to let them go and I’d meet them when they got off. We were only going down one floor, so Benny told Max to push the “4” button, which he did. It was eery hearing them cry all the way down to the next level. Our elevators were in synch and I could hear Max trying to reassure Zoe while being scared himself. He kept yelling, “They’ll come and get us, they’ll come and find us!” We all three stepped out of the elevators at the same time, and they threw themselves at me. Poor little Zoe was shaking like crazy and just sobbed into my shirt. When Max saw me, he recovered almost instantly. By the time Benny, Lennie, and Pete joined us, Max was telling Zoe, “See Zoe? I told you they’d come. It’s o.k. Don’t be scared” like he hadn’t been himself just a minute earlier. We all calmed down and headed towards the van. As we reached the doors, a lady that had witnessed the whole thing winked at me and said, “don’t worry, it will make a funny story someday”. I know it’s not polite to hit people…just kidding, I would never do that.

It’s stories like that one that make me wonder just what that boy is going to put me through in the coming years. I think I’ve worried more about him than anyone else in my life. He’s only six, and already he has been in 3 car accidents, one with a few minor injuries, almost knocked his two front teeth out during a bad fall, he’s eaten rat poisoning twice. (Not at our house). He’s felt the loss of two close friends deaths, and he’s slammed his fingers and toes in more doors, even losing a toenail once! I NEVER get bored when Max is around. There isn’t time to.

He brings me such joy! He hugs me as hard as he can and tells me that Im the best mommy in the whole world. He considers himself my personal assistant when it comes to taking care of the younger two. He is constantly drawing pictures for me, mostly the two of us holding hands, or just the words I love you mommy – with a heart drawn in for the word love. I love to watch his creativity in action and he’s always working on a project of some sort. He picks me flowers He makes me breakfast every Mother’s Day. He daily asks me for mommy/Max cuddle time.

All of this, and the story of Max has barely begun. I’m holding on for dear life because it’s going to be a great adventure. Thank you God for bringing Max into my personal story and blessing me with his devotion and his personality. He’s an awesome kid!

Sandy posted on her blog today about a bear she bought with her own money at age 11. She had to save and save for it, which she did. You can read her story on her blog.

It got me to thinking about what I saved and saved my own money for. Benny will yawn and roll his eyes at this point because he’s heard the story more than a few times: Michael Jackson’s THRILLER album. Yes, I said ALBUM, as in big enough to serve a turkey on. I loved that record so much and played it over and over again. My how our tastes change. LOL

Sandy also made a good point about wanting to have her kids experience the satisfaction that comes from saving up for and finally getting your heart’s desire. I think if you learn this lesson while you’re young, it helps you put things into perspective a little better when you do it as an adult. It’s called Delayed Gratification, and it’s something we’re talking about in our Financial Peace University class. Americans especially have a problem with delayed gratification – we want it when we want it, not tomorrow or next year. In our world of credit and 90 days-same-as-cash, most people don’t know how to save anymore. I am just as guilty. It took us years to pay off a credit card because of our problem with delayed gratification. It was a hard lesson to learn. We’re still learning it! If I want something I have to earn it, or save for it…When I do, the object means a whole lot more to me than if I had just charged it or bought it on a whim.

It drove me nuts in college when a girl in my dorm received a check from daddy every week. If he was late sending it, she called him and pitched a fit. She was accustomed to living that way and felt she “deserved” what he sent her every week. Part of my anger was jealousy ofcourse…I didn’t have anyone sending me money for anything and I waitressed at Pizza Hut so I could buy books and supplies, clothes, do laundry, etc. My view of parents paying for their children’s college education is skewed by this. Maybe it was just the people I knew, but those of us who went to college on scholarships, grants, and the sweat of our own brows seemed to skip class less, party less, and appreciate our learning a bit more than those whose parents forked over all the money for everything their child needed.

If you’re one of those parents, I don’t mean to offend you, I just wanted to make a point about the value of saving and earning and the satisfaction that can come from it. We want our children to learn the same lesson Sandy was talking about, and they are. Max earned money by doing odd jobs for us and he saved it for a month and a half so he could buy a Spiderman mask and glove set he really wanted. Everytime we went to Walmart he would wander down that aisle to look at them and dream about the day he would be wearing them himself. We aren’t scrooges, we do buy our kids stuff, but we’re also trying to teach them about earning and saving. When it comes to STUFF, delayed gratification won’t kill a child.

As for college, we’re helping our kids save for it – if that’s what they choose to do after high school. We want them to have enough saved that they can head straight to college, or travel the world, or whatever God would have them do…anything but buy a Michael Jackson album! 😉

So here I am blog hopping for a bit this afternoon and I get to my friend Nat’s blog. I try to never miss an opportunity to build her up so I typed up my comment and when it came time to post it, I was brought to an abrupt halt with the word verification. The letters that you have to re-type began with a “u” with “..” above it. I don’t know what that’s called, but it’s German or something. That letter is NOT on my keyboard and I couldn’t figure out what to do. lol If you know the answer, please don’t make me feel dumb for this! So I didn’t get to leave my comment, and that’s VERY frustrating! I could overlook it, but this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. One time I actually called Angi and asked her to turn off her word verification for a few minutes so I could leave her a comment because I couldn’t read whatever foreign language the word was in! LOL She did it, but I endured much grief (deserved I suppose) for that one.

So phooey to all you spammers out there that make us decent bloggers have to jump through hoops to lift up our friends! And sorry to all my friends who I make jump through the w.v. hoop to leave a comment. And that’s my new pet peeve…it could have been worse!

What a series! We finished watching the first season on Tuesday night. Wednesday night Benny joked that he didn’t know what to do with himself now that we’d finished our LOST marathon. 🙂 There were so many twists and turns and it’s easy to be drawn into the character’s lives. What great writers! I can’t wait for the 2nd season to begin next Wednesday night. I’ll have to tape it because I’ll be picking my brother up from the airport.

Lennie is coming to spend 4 days with us to celebrate his and Max’s birthdays on the 22nd & 23rd. We ‘re all excited to see him, but none more than Max. He knows that Uncle Lennie is bringing him real martial arts weapons. (greeeeaaaat!) Lennie is spoiling Max so I reminded him that I also have a girl and her birthday is in two weeks. 🙂 He’s getting Zoe princess dresses and matching shoes. She’ll be so excited! Pete’s birthday is 4 days after Christmas. I’ll have to work extra hard to make it special for him. Birthdays are the most important day of the year for most children. It’s a day devoted to making them feel special and unique. What a celebration. It’s not an entitlement, but a gift. It’s also a good excuse to put our tree away the day after Christmas. We put it up on Thanksgiving, so it won’t be like we didn’t have enough time to enjoy it.

Speaking of Christmas…Have you started your planning yet?

Jennifer and I were talking yesterday about whether or not we “do Santa Claus”. We talked about how neither one of us wanted it to be just about the presents and how to change traditions up a bit so that isn’t the focus. I told her our three gift rule, each child gets three gifts from us, one big and two small, which we open on Christmas Eve as a family. Then on Christmas morning, they wake up to see what Santa brought them, a gift in front of the tree that is not wrapped. Sometimes this gift is from us, sometimes it’s from grandparents, but until our kids are old enough to know who “Santa” is, we’re not telling. My opinion on this matter has changed a lot over the years. I grew up not believing in Santa because my mom believed that we’d hate her for lying to us for all those years once we “found out”. We want our children to have fun with those Christmas traditions like leaving carrots for the reindeer and cookies and milk for a man who drives his sleigh around the world to bring happiness and joy to children everywhere. Our kids get to do that too, sort of. After all the gifts have been given and received, we each choose a gift we’ve received and we give it to someone at a hospital or shelter. It’s a tradition I hope my children will carry on once they have their own families. We also save our change and try to make sure we have some with us to drop in the red kettles that pop up around the holidays. This year we’re also going to give gifts that we can’t hand deliver, like a special gift to our Compassion family in Brazil, and money for our friends in MS as they rebuild after the hurricane. In order to do that, we have to plan for it now, and really all year long. It’s the stewardship thing.

I don’t worry about our kids focusing too much on the gifts. Who doesn’t get excited about receiving gifts? That’s not wrong, as a matter of fact, that’s one of my love languages. We do our best to teach them about giving, which is something we do all year long. I know from their generosity at their young ages that the lesson is sinking in. With society the way it is, we just have to be even more vocal about it around the holidays. This year we’ll have the unique opportunity to provide a gift for the many streetkids downtown. Our kids will love that.

It’s exciting for John & Jennifer to get their own traditions going this year now that they have Judah, who is so adorable. It’s interesting for me to see how my friends celebrate in their own ways and though we’re all so different, I think we all want the same things: to do something nice for someone else, for our kids to learn the art of giving, and for the holiday’s to be a magical time of the year.