Sometimes I Write

Good Morning the night is over and gone

I thought once this dark would last for so long



Feel the sunlight on my face

You have brought me through this place



Jesus, Jesus You found me

Through the long night you led me

You set me free



Do you see just what you’ve done in my life?

You gave me more than I hoped for now I



Feel the sunlight on my face

You have brought me through this place





Another Barlow Girl song. It’s true that joy comes in the morning. A little rest greatly improves my attitude. God always brings me through my troubled days and nights. I am so thankful!



Angi is leaving tomorrow to go back to Indiana, so we’re rushing around trying to squeeze in everything we thought we’d have time to do. Scrapbooking, baking, going to the movies, opening presents, late night talks…It’s been a good week. Together we made the best homemade pumpkin pie I have ever eaten! I know pumpkin pie – it’s Benny’s favorite food. He wants that instead of birthday cake every year.



I wish you all the best for the New Year. May your blessings be plentiful and last longer than most people’s resolutions! Have a great week!

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“Don’t be looking at the waves”. That’s what my husband told me tonight as we had “couch time” during Monday Night Football. I guess that’s what I’ve been doing the past couple of days. I’m usually one that likes change…if it happens MY way. My control freak tendencies creep back into my life from time to time and wreak havoc on my confidence and faith. One of my favorite songs right now is Barlow Girl’s ” On My Own”:

I can’t believe that I’m here in this place again

How did I manage to mess up one more time?

This pattern seems to be the story of my life

Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

‘Cause I promised myself I wouldn’t fall

But here I’ve fallen

I guess I’m not as strong as I thought

All I can do is cry to you

(* chorus)

Oh God You have to save me

You’re my last and only hope

All my right answers fail me

I can’t seem to make it on my own

I always thought that I would be strong enough

What made all of them fall couldn’t take me down

Yeah, did I think that I was above it all

I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can’t promise that I won’t fall

‘Cause here I’ve fallen

I know I’m not as strong as I thought

All I can do is cry to you

*chorus again

Ever have a day like that? Here’s the latest on our moving situation. It looks like the other DB Boulder team members are calling it quits. They are all having a hard time raising their support. They have all laid out a fleece before the Lord and believe if they don’t have the amount of support they need by a certain date they have in mind, it’s their sign from God that they’re not supposed to be there doing what they’re doing right now. That’s sort of what we did when God gave us our first youth ministry assignment, so why am I doubting their decisions? I’m wondering if I’m being naive thinking we’re going to have an easier time than they have had, or is it that my faith isn’t waivering in that area? I don’t really know yet. We believe that God wanting us to move to plant this ministry is not tied to whether or not they go or stay. We heard very clearly that we’re to go…so we’re going. My fear comes in the not knowing what happens next. We’re sill looking for a church that will oversee our funds until we get our non-profit status. (please pray about that for me) We may need to intern for awhile with one of the other two Dry Bones teams in Denver or Venice, CA. I’m clear on the direction we’re headed (working with the street kids), I just can’t see the road right now.



So there I was stressing and Benny tells me “Don’t be looking at the waves”. I did, and I was sinking fast! I wonder if the disciples that were still in the boat yelled that to Peter? Or maybe Jesus did. I know where my focus needs to be. I mentally learned that lesson in junior high…once you step out of the boat, don’t think about the fact that you’re walking on water – think about who you’re walking to and NEVER take your eyes off Him! It’s just really hard on the days when the wind is blowing my curls in my eyes , or even worse, blowing so hard it takes my breath away and threatens to knock me over! I’m in need of some serious Father/Daughter time with God. I’m thankful that Benny and I seem to schedule our discouragement at different times. lol



I could use some prayers from some blogging believers and blog reading ones too. I know in my heart that everything is fine. Evidently my heart and my brain are currently not on speaking terms…or maybe I just need more sleep.

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Twas the day before the night before Christmas and all through the town…shoppers were everywhere they could be found. Including my husband being creative buying my gift. Because we’re trying to pay off some bills, and save for our ministry move, we decided to sort of treasure hunt for our gifts for each other this year…with a $5.00 limit. I found the perfect gift for him lastnight at Borders, and stayed within our preset limit! Yeah! Ofcourse I also spent almost that much on a Chai Latte while I was there. Nobody’s perfect.

My friend Angi is here for the week. We’ve been having a pretty nice visit. I’ve mentioned her in a few other blog posts. We were talking today and she mentioned that she had been looking for a book about what she’s dealing with in her life right now. She had found lots of books on losing a loved one to cancer, or losing a child, but not one about how to get past being in the same car wreck that killed your husband. We decided to go check out the local Christian book stores and she finally found one that she wanted to read. I pray that it will be a comfort and encouragement to her. While we were looking, I grew incredibly sad. I miss Kyle alot, but I can not begin to imagine the magnitude of her loss. Kyle was the sunshine in her life, and they were trying to start a family. I don’t want to say too much and disrespect her privacy, but please, if you’re reading this, please stop and take a moment to pray for her. Pray for strength, comfort, forgiveness, and peace. Kyle’s birthday is coming up(hers too) so things are going to get worse before they get better. I am so glad she decided to spend Christmas with me and my family! Our kids are doing a great job of loving on her. She asked Zoe if she wanted to go home with her, and Zoe said “Yeah go to your house” and jumped up into Angi’s arms. I love it when my kids have perfect timing being cute!

Jason is also on my mind today, and many days. Jason is my stepbrother. He is stationed in Iraq this Christmas. He was able to be home with his wife and our parents for a couple of weeks in October, but I live three states away. I haven’t seen him since May of 2001 when my dad married his mom. He’s almost exactly one year older than me…a fact that he rubbed in at the wedding reception. (I was the oldest, and he went from only child to one of five instantly.) Jason is a great guy, and his mom is a fabulous lady! (I’m not just saying that because she may read this.) I actually knew Jason when we were in high school, though we didn’t attend the same one. Shari (my stepmom) is having a hard time with him being over there. She worries about his safety and his wife Angie’s coping with him being gone for so long. Please say a prayer for them too. While you’re at it, pray for all of our troops that are spending this holiday season without their families. (especially Gerry Edwards, our friend and neighbor.)

Well, I haven’t stayed up this late in…I don’t remember how long it’s been…good night world !

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I am normally not one to hold up a pickett sign. People screaming from the corner defending their cause has never changed my mind about anything. I do my best to contribute to society and be an example in my own circle of influence, which expands outward like the waves on a pond when you throw a rock into it. This is not to say that everyone in my circle believes what and how I do, but I know that I make a difference. So before I can break into song singing “One small voice”, let me share the frustration that prompted this latest post.

I read an online article this morning from my Charisma Now update. It said that Minneapolis-based company TARGET made the decision back in January not to allow the Salvation Army to post bell ringers at their stores this year. The spokeswoman for TARGET said they made the decision because the S.A. was the only exception when it came to their NO SOLICITING policy, and they decided it wasn’t fair to everyone else. TARGET stores have been a key part of Salvation Army fundraising, with the group raising about 9 million last year from TARGET shoppers nationwide. They are now being “TARGETed” for boycott by several groups around the U.S. For more info. go to www.strang.com The article is listed under World News, and titled “Groups Blast Retailer’s Salvation Army Ban As “Scrooge-Like Policy”.

I mentioned in my last post that the S.A. has helped my family out in the past. As a child, I was the recipient of many gifts of food, toys, and clothing from this organization. Do you remember seeing those Christmas trees at the front of stores that you could grab a tag off the tree, buy gifts for the child listed, and return them to the tree when you are done shopping? Yep, that was me. I was one of those tags for more that a couple of years. Toys For Tots? Yep, been there too. The Salvation Army and other organizations like it depend on the generosity of us, the shoppers, to be able to provide the kinds of services that less fortunate children (and their parents) need. You know they’re out there, so why not plan for it? I guess I ‘ll continue to shop at Walmart where bell ringers, girl scouts w/ cookies, boy scouts w/ popcorn, and area ministries are allowed to sell their goods to raise money for their various causes. If you are one who is annoyed by these solicitors, avoid their eyes and pass them by, but I will be the one trying to help in any way I can. It’s even part of our budget. I have been richly blessed and it is my responsibility to give back. I am sorry to hear about TARGET’s decision. Shame on them.

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I did something really stupid lastnight. I went to Walmart to grocery shop…on the Saturday before Christmas. The mile long line to get into the parking lot should have been my first clue. I parked the van way out and prepared for the trek to the door. (I needed the exercise to walk off the fudge I had eaten for lunch) I sadly watched a dozen people pass the Salvation Army bell ringer trying their best not to look him in the eye. I dropped in a handful of coins and he wished me a Merry Christmas. Our eyes met, I smiled, and I wished him the same. At that moment, I wished I could have dropped in a few thousand dollars, but I know my small gift will help someone. His smile may have been the last one I saw at Walmart. Every aisle I went down was packed full of people with overflowing shopping carts and tired looks on their faces. Yes, the spirit of consumerism was thick in the air. I wondered how many of those people were getting into debt up to their eyeballs to provide a memorable Christmas for their loved ones. Sound judgemental? maybe a little. Sometimes I just get so tired of going against the flow. I cannot shelter my children from the advertising that is hurtled at them from every direction. I hate it that my 2 year old is a target for all of the world’s best toy makers, and I ‘m so thankful she’s (sort of) still in the “rather play with the box” stage. Max definitely has a list for Santa, and though it isn’t long, it’s a little pricey. Pete just loves to tear open the packages, which is why they are now hidden under the guest bed, and in the laundry room instead of neatly arranged under our tree.

I mentioned all of this in class on Sunday morning, and my friend Joe leaned over to his wife and whispered “Suff Mart”. I smiled and got his attention, “Do you mean Madame Blueberry?” He did. Madame Blueberry is a character from Veggie Tales. In one episode, she is very “blue” because she doesn’t have enough stuff. Some salesmen show up to convince her that she does indeed need more to be happy. They then escort her to their new store “Stuff Mart”. It holds everything she could ever want in every color, shape and size. (Sound Familiar?) During her spending spree she overhears a conversation with a father and son about not being able to afford a certain toy. The boy is disappointed, but perks up when his father promises quality time at the park instead. She can’t understand how the boy could ever be happy when he was denied the object of his desire. On her way home with all of her purchases, she sees a family that is celebrating a daughters birthday with only a slice of pie. They live on the ground…she lives in a tree house, quite the status symbol. She is again puzzled that the little girl is singing a song about being thankful for what she has when she obviously has so little. Long story short, she does learn her lesson, and so did my kids. Yeah for Veggie Tales! I think we’ll watch this one again this week!

In order to fight the negative aspects of the holidays (stress, greediness, overspending, etc., we have begun some new traditions in our family.

We buy our kids each three gifts for Christmas. Two small ones which are wrapped up for our family gift exchange on Christmas eve, and then “Santa” leaves the big one, unwrapped, in front of the tree for them to discover early Christmas morning. Benny helps the kids leave milk and cookies for Santa and they sprinkle reindeer food outside for Rudolph and his pals, then it’s off to bed. On Christmas morning, after much rejoicing over the cookies, milk and reindeer food being eaten, and ofcourse the goodies Santa has left, we lay out all the gifts that we have received from each other and our loved ones, and each of us chooses one to give away to someone who may not have as much as we do. We want to instill the spirit of giving in them while they’re young so that it will be second nature to them when they’re old. We also spend time talking about all of the ways we see Jesus in the traditions our culture has, and how important it is to remember that without Jesus, there would be no Christmas!

I highly recommend the book The ADVENTure of Christmas by Lisa Whelchel, artwork by Jeannie Mooney. It is available on her website this month only for $10.00. If you buy it in the store, it will cost you more. I ordered one for our family and one for the other Nowell family in Wyoming. Both were autographed and shipped within 2 days. www.lisawhelchel.com If you are unfamiliar wih Lisa Whelchel, you’re missing out! She is best known for her role as Blair on The Facts of Life. She is now a homeschooling mother, speaker, author, pastor’s wife, and all around encourager to mothers everywhere. Though we have not met face to face (yet), I consider her a friend. Please check this book out, as well as her other three.

Well, reading back over this post, I can see the transformation that has taken place in my general attitude. I was a bit weary when I started, but now I feel great. I really do have a lot to be thankful for. May all of your holiday shopping be over quickly, and your giving to others last forever. Be generous with the bell ringers and those they are representing. As a child, there were many Christmases that I was on the receiving end of their generosity and I’ll never forget it. Whether you can do a little or alot…DO SOMETHING! Happy holidays friends!

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