Sometimes I Write

How are you doing this morning, Niki?
Great! Much better than last week!
Yeah? Your face is shining bright today.
Glad things are going better for you.

It’s little snippets of conversation like this that bless my mornings at Dr. Zack’s. Last week our conversation was good too, but very different. After a hurried morning where things hadn’t gone well, I cried for half of the 30 minute drive to his office. I called along the way to let them know I was running late but I’d be there. Danton, the exuberant office manager, is always Mr. Sunshine. When he heard my voice he gently said, “Take your time Niki, we’ll see you when you get here”.

When I arrived the kids went right to the toy area so I could do my stretching exercises. I was thankful the office was almost empty because I was feeling self-conscious about my red eyes and swollen lips. (I’ve never been a pretty crier!) Dr. Zack stood there and talked to me while I stretched. I told him that it was hard having Benny gone for the week and that I felt satan had taken the opportunity to try to conquer while we were divided. I told him I just didn’t know how I had gotten to that point of discouragement and that I wasn’t sure what to do. He said, “I know someone who does”. I told him that I had already been talking to HIM the whole way there, and that I had heard a song that had started changing my heart right before we had pulled into his parking lot. It was Matthew West’s song, “History”. I also thought of a Carman song I had heard in high school. One of the lines was, “When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future”. But that’s a lot easier said than done when you’re knee deep in despair.

While I was being adjusted, Dr. Zack continued to encourage me. He asked me if maybe I could relate to David a bit. King David was open with his discouragement and feelings of despair, crying out to God to save him from his enemies and himself. But the last few verses of a psalm, would once again be praising God for being God and all that He is. I told him I definitely could relate. He also reminded me that I wouldn’t be a target if I wasn’t doing something right and furthering the Kingdom. Good point. This man who is helping me heal my body, also helps me heal my heart. How thankful I am to God for putting His people in my path right when I need them. People who know just what to say when I need to hear something, and also people who need to hear me say something God wants them to hear. Community. I love it!

HISTORY
By Matthew West

It’s been a bad day – You’ve been looking back – And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back – All your mistakes – A world of regrets – All of those moments you would rather forget – I know it’s hard to believe – Let me refresh your memory

Chorus
Yesterday is history and history is miles away – So, leave it all behind you – But let it always remind you of the day – The day that love made history

You know you can’t stay right where you fell – The hardest part is forgiving yourself – But let’s take a walk into today – And don’t let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making? Every choice that you are making – Every step that you are taking – Every chain that you are breaking – History is in the making – Every word that you are saying – Every prayer that you are praying – Every chain that you are breaking – History is in the making – History is in the making – History is in the making

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If you happen to be at the Tulsa Workshop this weekend and run into this handsome guy, tell him his kids are adorable and he has the most wonderful and brilliant wife in the world. 😉 He’ll be hanging out at the Dry Bones booth in the exhibition hall. I, however, will be hanging out at home with said adorable children. The week should be relaxing because I didn’t plan anything other than the usual chiropractor appointments and BSF. Ofcourse with the daily routine and school, and a visit to the library, I’ll have plenty to do. I would love to be heading to Tulsa too, but that’s a VERY long drive with three children and I figured I’d spend all my time chasing after and entertaining them instead of visiting with old friends and going to classes. I was finally starting to be o.k. with not going when Benny brought up that they’d be stopping in Wichita to eat at HOG WILD Pit Bar-B-Q!!! (Now I’m pouting.)

I also hope you get a chance to meet our friend Cheeto. He’s a former streetkid turned Dry Bones Volunteer. He’s quite a guy – don’t let the spiky cap and the multiple piercings scare you. He’s friendly! 😉 (Though he offers me the use of his cap when Benny gets out of line.) lol

Stop by the booth, chat, and buy a t-shirt or a hoodie. They’re buy one get one – you buy one and both you and a street kid get one. Sorry, they don’t come in kid sizes – Benny made the one Zoe is wearing in the picture. Have fun and think of me while you’re there!

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During this season of Lent, we’re discussing the 7 phrases that Jesus spoke while he was on the cross. Today’s phrase was, “Woman, here is your son…”. I knew it would be difficult for me to get through this one without tears. And I didn’t. We talked about Mary and what kind of mother she was. The point was made that SOME Catholics have elevated her status to that of deity, and the harsh swing of the pendulum to the other side you find SOME protestants who will barely mention her name referring to her as the virgin mother, possibly fearing giving her too much status. I am somewhere in between these philosophies. She was so much more than just a virgin mother though I don’t think she was or is on equal plane with God.

So who was Mary? She was a girl who lovingly talked to her growing belly, promising her coming son that she would protect him from harm and love him through anything he could throw at her. She was a girl who was loved by a man that wanted her as a wife and who was patient enough to wait for sexual intimacy with her until after Jesus was born. (Matthew 2:25) Surely she yearned for him too. She was a girl who had to face her family and their questions about this unexpected pregnancy. She was a girl who faced the tremendous task of being the moral, physical, and spiritual compass for a boy who would one day save people from certain death in their sin. He was the guinea pig child – she had never been a mother before him. She taught him to share and have compassion and kissed his hurting body when he fell down and scraped his knees. She nursed him through sicknesses and disciplined him when he stumbled in his humanness. He was fully human while being fully God. I have to believe in that being fully human, he was a child like other children. Was there a girl that caught his eye, or did he always see everyone with equal love?

Did Mary ask him when he would make her a mother-in-law and a grandma? Or did she constantly remember who she had borne? Did she remember when he was twelve and she witnessed him sharing thoughts on deep issues with the religious teachers at the Temple? Scripture says she treasured up those things in her heart. We know she remembered at the wedding in Cana. It was Mary who requested Jesus turn the water to wine. She remembered again standing before him at the cross, watching him suffer in agony. As she stood there weeping, did she remember Simeon holding Jesus as a baby and prophesying that he would be rejected by many in Israel and that it would be their undoing. But he would be the greatest joy to many others. Here’s the verse that released my tears. Luke 2: 35, “Thus, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.” That had to be pretty close to how she felt watching her first-born son die. I cry along with my boys when they pinch fingers in doors and bleed from falling on the concrete. Maybe my tears don’t leave my eyes, but they are there. Could I withstand a sword piercing my very soul? Even if God had given her some special insight and told her exactly what the coming days would hold…how could she not feel like she herself was dying on that cross?

Gabriel had told her she would give birth to a king…”And the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!” (Luke 1:32-33) Surely it looked like Simeon was to be believed, but where was Gabriel and the other angels? When was God going to end this mess and get her son down off that cross? The thoughts that must have raced through poor Mary’s head! Oh friends, there is so much more to Mary than just being a virgin mother.

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Happy St. Patty’s Day to all ‘o my fellow Irishmen/Irishwomen. I’d have a beer in your honor, but the stuff tastes like crap. I’ll eat some Lucky Charms and think of you – how’s that? We wanted to take our kids to the parade this morning and realized they had it last weekend. If we would read the newspaper once in awhile we would’ve known that. Benny gave me a hard time because we subscribe to the Sunday paper and sometimes it is still sitting (in the bag) on the coffee table on Thursday night. He asked why we bother at all and I said, “for the coupons and the comics”.

Jhart asked me once if I read fiction, or maybe it was why don’t I read fiction. The comment must have come from the numerous books on my shelves that are how-to in nature. You know, How to become a better Wife, Mother, Friend, Christian, Lover, Cook, etc. I responded with, “Girl, you see my life. Do you see me have enough time to read anything at all, let alone something that is not “helpful” to my present circumstances?” I may have scared her a bit – she has one adorable baby that still sleeps, so she has time to read. (I know you’re laughing reading that J:)) But the truth is, I get lost. I haven’t made time for fiction in my life since I had my first child almost seven years ago. Oh, I’ve read a few fiction books here and there, but I could count them on one hand. I recently made up for it. I have read 4 books in the past two weeks. The one I keep mentioning, and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants trilogy – which I loved. (Again, don’t see the movie – read the books!) I’m hoping for a 4th book, which has been discussed by the author.

Here’s what I mean by “I get lost”. Somehow I forget that age 13 was over 20 years ago and I can’t pull an all-nighter just because I don’t feel I have a good stopping point in a book. I could read 2-3 books a week in High School, and that was with a busy schedule of extra-curricular activities. I’m a fast reader and I love it. Books are one of the few things I loved as much as boys back then. But I can completely tune out the world when I get sucked into a good story. I don’t hear people calling my name, the phone ringing, nothing. That’s not so great with three small children around. So I waited until they went to bed for the night, and then I got so lost in my reading that I finished the book…at 1:20 a.m. Also not good when you have a toddler who is often crawling into your bed at 6:30 a.m. wanting “something drink – I hungry Mommy!”

I don’t understand people who hate reading. Benny doesn’t hate it, but he certainly doesn’t enjoy it. It’s more like a chore to him. I teased him and said he probably read Cliff’s Notes for everything in college and he said, “Nope. I’ve never read Cliff’s Notes…I rented the movies.” 😉 I just joined Borders Rewards this week and as a gift, received a 30% off coupon, so I’m going to buy Redeeming Love tomorrow instead of waiting for my turn at the library. If it’s as good as ya’ll say it is, I must have it for my own collection. I’ll hopefully be able to practice a little self-control and not stay up half the night two nights in a row like last week. Boy was that dumb!

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My week is getting off to a slow start, but I’m optimistic that things will get better as time goes by. Pete has been sick and just not himself since I returned from my trip. We go see Dr. Brian again this afternoon. The weather here has changed SO much in the last week, that my sinuses are on strike and refusing to work like they’re supposed to. Today there is a battle going on behind my left eye making life a bit foggy. I popped a few Dayquil and I’m praying for fast results.

We have two college groups here this week on their Spring Break. One from Harding and one from ACU. They are here to assist the Dry Bones team with outreach and grunt work, and get a feel for this type of urban ministry. One of the guys from Harding, Jon Gehrich, was in our youth group in Indiana. I hope he enjoys his week with Benny and serving the homeless youth and our team. It’s a busy week for Benny, and my goal is to make his homecoming everyday comfortable and relaxing.

I went to my book club yesterday. What an awesome experience! I’ve never been a part of a book club before. We discussed Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent. I loved the book, but really struggled through some of it. It is based on the story of Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, pronounced Dee-nah. She is the only female child of his mentioned in the Bible. I constantly had to remind myself that this was a work of fiction. The author took the account of what we do know about Dinah in the Bible, and created a story around it told from a woman’s perspective. She brilliantly weaved me in and out of the local customs and practices of the day, and the relationships Dinah had with the people around her, especially her mothers. Dinah was the birth daughter of Leah, but Jacob’s other wives were her mothers in a sense too. I struggled with all of the sex going on, but there had to be a lot of it going on for Jacob to have all of those children! This book is a beautiful portrayal of a young girl soaking in her surroundings, being ushered into womanhood by four women who loved her and counted on her to carry on their stories. She endures much pleasure and heartache through her life, finding love, having it ripped from her, and eventually rediscovering it again. The raw emotions that this book invoked in me was shocking, yet such a comfort to me. Discussing it with my new friends helped me sort through some of the thoughts and feelings I experienced reading it. Reading this book made me proud and glad to be a woman. I told my friends that I was definitely born in the right time in history, but I was drawn into the way mother/daughter/sister relationships were back in Biblical times. It was definitely a community, which I think is so important to families even today. After much thought, I do recommend this book. I wasn’t so sure when I first began reading it.

Our next book club selection is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I have about five friends that have told me I just HAVE to read that book, so now is my chance. I just wish they all lived close enough to join my book club. They are a great group of ladies!

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