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Archive for the ‘Joy in the Journey’ Category

A little laughter and a lot of community goes a long way…

Posted in Joy in the Journey, Just for fun on September 19, 2008| 3 Comments »

I’ve had a hard year.  It’s no big secret.  I have needed my girlfriends like never before and I have repeatedly told you all about the wonderful women in my life here in Denver. Time spent with them is healing, fun, relaxing, adventurous, and I could fill this whole post with adjectives to describe it, so I’ll stop.

Last Friday night, my Captivating friends (Wendy, Paula, Abi, and Kristi) and I, along with Kristi’s hubby Calvin, and our friend Nancy, dressed up and went to the theater for the evening.  It’s been 16 years since I first saw the play, but Les Mis was incredible!  In an email to Paula the next day, I wrote:

“Last night was amazing and I’m still processing it.  My heart was happy being with my friends I love so much.  As for Les Mis, I saw some things in it this time that only a step up in maturity allowed me to see.  I’ve known the story and sang the songs since I was 16.  Seeing it at 20 was really amazing and beautiful, but at 36, my experiences were VERY different.  Because of the emotion I’ve been dealing with over the last two weeks, I couldn’t fully let myself go last night and I stuffed A LOT of emotions that this show normally calls forth.  I couldn’t let the tears come like they wanted to.  My heart felt like it would burst through my chest, but the tears remained inside like I had swallowed them and their journey was just too far.  It was a surreal experience for me, who doesn’t like to hold anything back and wants to be real ALL the time, pretty or not.  It was good.  I am grateful for the experience.  I’m a little overwhelmed.  I remain in love with this story.  I’m feeling a little, “On my own” myself.  So much beauty and so much pain.  What a mixture.  “God on high, hear my prayer…”  mmmmmm   Goosebumps.  Glad I was sitting next to you. 🙂 ”

While I thoroughly enjoyed last Friday, tonight will be a very different story.  I’ll be laughing…hard.  I’m going to see Girls Only: The Secret Comedy of Women at the Denver Performing Arts Center.  (Click on the title to watch the youtube video clip of the show.)  I will be meeting Wendy, Kristi and her sister, and Karen, to enjoy a girls night out.  Here’s what the website says:

GIRLS ONLY is an original comedy that celebrates the honor, truth, humor and silliness of being female. With a two-woman cast and audiences full of raucous, laughing ladies, the show has found quick popularity in its unique examination of all things girly.

Borne out of the earnest and sweetly ridiculous writings the two authors discovered in their girlhood diaries, the GIRLS ONLY mix of sketch comedy, improvisation, audience participation, and hilarious songs and videos will remind you that underneath, women all have very funny and very charming feminine similarities.

We encourage women to come and bring their mothers, daughters, sisters and girlfriends. We promise you’ll leave laughing, ready to dig out your old diary.

Next Friday night’s drama and silliness is a story for my next post!  Stay tuned…

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Touches of Beauty

Posted in Creativity, Joy in the Journey on August 31, 2008| 5 Comments »

I went to blog the other day and realized that I had forgotten to re-upgrade my custom CSS (it expires after a year) and all of my pretty custom work that Heather did was gone.  So I decided to upgrade and start over again.   I chose a new theme and set about creating a work of art for myself.  Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 🙂  It’s fun to reinvent your space as you’re reinventing yourself.  This is a regular occurrence for me.

Hanging directly above my desk is my “inspiration board” where I post encouraging words from friends, pictures of things that make me smile, quotes that remind me who I am, and goals that I think are worthy pursuits.  When I step into my office, my eyes travel there first.  As I was adding to it today, I stopped to read each piece of paper and look at each picture.  These reminders are treasures to me.  They are gifts I give to myself on this journey of becoming.  They are small tokens of beauty that I get to experience each day.  Do you have an inspiration board?  Or something else to remind you that you are loved and that you have a purpose?  What are some of the touches of beauty in your life?

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Thanks for the Birthday wishes this week!

Posted in Joy in the Journey, Just for fun on July 31, 2008| 5 Comments »

We are still busy with our 2nd summer group.  I’ll update here and on the SEVENS blog next week when I get back from my trip.  I just wanted to say thanks for all the emails and Facebook messages for my birthday.  It was a good day.  Benny gave me a big rock.  Not the kind you wear on your hand…a real rock.  You know I have a thing for those. 🙂  That’s Mark, one of the Granbury kids.  He hauled it to the van for me.  For those of you who may be worried we were taking things out of nature that we shouldn’t, our rappel site is on private land and we know the owner. 🙂

The Captivating women are heading to Frisco on Saturday morning for a 2 day retreat.  Wendy has a friend who is letting us all use her condo for only the cleaning fee.  WooHoo!  Can you say Laughter? Tears? Chocolate? Deep Conversation?  Chocolate?  Hot tub? Chocolate?  You get the point. lol  Here’s an old picture of us all.  See you next week!

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I am hungry!

Posted in Growing Faith, Joy in the Journey, thinking things through on July 17, 2008| 3 Comments »

Benny and I just finished a 9 day cleanse, with the last 5 days being a liquid fast.  But that’s not why I am hungry.  My body isn’t quite liking solid food yet, though it’s nice to be chewing again.  The gritty stuff I had to drink every 3 hours was like sandpaper to my poor throat the last day of the fast.  But, I learned a lot over the last 9 days.  I learned that I am hungry…not for food, but for life and truth and beauty and well…a lot of things.  I was also keenly aware for those 5 days that I am in fact, female.  So not only was I hungry (again – not for food), I was emotional and tired.  Aren’t you glad you don’t live at my house?!

So there I was sitting in my chair reading and not wanting to blog or write.  Wanting to receive instead of give.  I cried out to God, “I’m hungry!”, and you know what He did?  He brought to mind a song we sing at church.

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know your love does not run dry

so I wait for you, yes I wait for you

I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me

Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide

I am weary but I know your touch restores my life

so I wait for you, yes I wait for you

I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me

Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Yeah, He’s funny like that.  Thanks for the reminder God.  I got it.  So I turned to Him for hope and living water and food that would feed my soul.  He showed me how often I reach for the cheap substitutes to satisfy the longing only He can fill.  He revealed that I so often eat mindlessly of things that leave me feeling empty and like I’ve just come off of a sugar rush, when He offers me quality AND quantity and I don’t have to choose between them.  So many verses sprang to mind which made me glad that I had put them in there to recall later.  Verses about Him loving mercy more than sacrifice, that He’s drawing His own to Himself, that even He is not the judge but that He leaves that up to His Father, and that we will be known by our love.  Those are all such simple thoughts with a profound impact on who I am and who I hunger to be.

I’m still chewing on the questions I blogged about last December.  I’m nibbling on the truths God has given to me that others might consider scraps while I look at them as…chocolate covered…chocolate.  I guess that would make them heavenly truffles. 🙂  I’m devouring books that are drawing me deeper into the mystery that is God.  I’m craving…Less formula.  More relationship.  Less rules.  More freedom.  Less of me.  More of Him.  Less IS more.

I imagine that dining with the Father would not be at some long formal table complete with forks and spoons I don’t know what to do with, Him at one end and me at the other.  We’d be more like lovers at a small table outside of a cozy little cafe, sitting closely with heads bent together for intimate conversation, drinking from a glass with two straws.  It’s that sort of intimacy I am hungry for.  And I don’t want to care what anyone else thinks.

Long ago He spoke to people in parables.  This year he’s been speaking to me in metaphors and similes.  Is there much of a difference?  It’s confusing and humbling and yet I get it.  He shows me something, I ask for clarification, and He gives it to me. Amazing.  Simple.  Conversation.  A new level of intimacy.

Yes, I am hungry!

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Mourning through Mother’s Day

Posted in Family, Growing Faith, Joy in the Journey, Learning to Cope, thinking things through, Uncategorized on May 11, 2008| 5 Comments »

I was at dinner with the Captivating women last night when my family walked in the restaurant with a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a mylar balloon that said “Happy Mother’s Day Eve Eve” on it. Benny had added the “Eve, Eve” part. 🙂 I was really surprised and I loved it. It was totally unexpected. I have a wonderful family and I’m glad they appreciate me. It was a wonderful gift and you should have seen the three pairs of shining eyes and beaming grins directed at me as my kiddos presented me with my gifts. It was precious.

I know today is supposed to be a joyous occasion. I usually have visions of children bringing me breakfast in bed and stopping off for a cup of chai on my way to church. I imagine myself having a nice lazy lunch with my family followed by a relaxing afternoon of reading magazines and watching chick flicks. While that may not be far off from my plans for today, I’m not feeling very festive.

This Mother’s day is so different from the past eight Mother’s Days I’ve enjoyed. Losing our baby back in January has left me more emotional and painfully aware of all of the mothers in the world who are without their children. I’ve had two college friends miscarry since I did. One of them lost her twins this week. She had just created and posted a blog so friends and family could track their growth and progress. Then came the doctor’s appointment with no heartbeats. My heart is aching for her. Remember when I said I had hoped sharing my story would encourage others and let them know they are not alone? Guess who my friend turned to? So something good has come out of my loss and I believe that will continue to happen. On the flip side, one of my other friends just birthed a beautiful baby boy and I am so thrilled for her.

I still have so many unanswered questions. I feel something is missing from me. A friend of a friend, Loretta had a REALLY interesting blog post where she talked about the connection a mother and her unborn child have and how they exchange blood and stem cells and how the baby is physically a part of the mother long after she loses him/her or gives birth. I’ll be posting about that more this week.

Another friend who blogged about Mother’s Day reminded me how painful it was all of those years we didn’t have children. I had to sit through an entire church service that talked about the blessings of motherhood when I couldn’t seem to get pregnant no matter what I tried. It felt like a slap in the face and every May was a dreaded reminder of my seeming infertility. When I finally did get pregnant with Max, Benny presented me with my first Mother’s Day card…in January. 🙂 Love that man!

Mother’s Day is just not one of my favorite holidays. I’m thankful for it, but it’s bittersweet this year. Sorry to be such a downer. I hope all of you that are mothers are blessed by your children and families today. For all of you who are not yet mothers or may never be, either by choice or by circumstance, my hope for you is that God will fill you with peace and love and grant you the deepest desires of your hearts. If this is a painful holiday for you, I wish I could reach out and hug you. I know I have three phone calls to make. I want to express my gratitude to my mom, step-mom, and mother-in-law for pouring what they have into me and my family.

Happy Mother’s Day friends!  And Happy Birthday to my Mother-in-law Margie! 🙂

* Willow Tree Figurines can be found at many nationwide bookstores and at www.demdaco.com

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