Sometimes I Write

Have you ever visited a church and NO ONE talked to you? This happened to us last summer when we were looking for a new church family after our move to Denver. There is a large church just up the street from us and we thought we’d give it a try. We arrived early. There were several people milling about in the lobby and auditorium. We waited, looked around, and finally Benny went up to a guy who was handing out bulletins. “Can you tell me where the kid’s classes are?” The man thrust a bulletin in Benny’s hand and said, “I don’t think there are any kid’s classes today” and turned around to talk to someone he knew. I was shocked! I overheard a woman telling her kids to follow her to class, so we followed too. When we got there, I started to ask her where our kids should go and she told me there was no class teacher for Zoe’s class, but she was welcome to come to the Kindergarten/First grade class with her brother. I said I didn’t want her to do that because she was only 2 1/2. The lady looked at me like I was crazy and said, “It’s no big deal, I don’t mind”. I said, “but I do”. She muttered something under her breath. I was irritated about how we had been treated so far, that I gave Benny a pleading look and he said, “Let’s just go”. And we did. This all took place in about a 20 minute time period. Why would we want to be a part of a church that didn’t care about it’s visitors?

Fast forward to Halloween. This same church was advertising a Fall Festival party as an outreach to the community, so we thought we’d take the kids. They love dressing up in costumes and what kid doesn’t like free candy? We got there expecting a churchy party. We walked in and the place was packed. There was a frighteningly large blow up Dracula right by the door leading to the game rooms. I laughed at the mixed message. What were they thinking? The kids waited in long lines to play the games and win their few pieces of candy prizes. The only thing spoken to us that night was, “Excuse me ma’am, but the line starts over here“, and “Cute costumes”. There was absolutely NO outreach going on – unless they were thinking – “if they come to our party and we give them free candy maybe they’ll come to our church”. We were sorry we went.

Now to the present. We met a couple that has a homeless ministry through one of my BSF friends. We had them over for supper last week to talk about our ministries. Guess where they go to church?? They asked if we had ever visited there. I said, ” I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t bring that up” and laughed. We told them about our previous experiences with their church and they were surprised. They told us that they were having their annual church picnic on Sunday after service, and wanted us to come and be their guests…give them another shot. After telling them that we love our church family and weren’t planning on looking anywhere else, we agreed to go to the picnic.

We showed up and found them right away. They were with their parents, another man, and my friend from BSF and her husband – who don’t attend that church either. Other than talking with them and their group, the picnic didn’t go well. As I was going through the line, I asked a boy serving if I could have some macaroni salad. He gave me 3 pieces of macaroni – I’m not even kidding. I smiled and asked him if I could have a little more, and he (obviously irritated with me) said, “Well, we’re only supposed to give a little – there are a lot of people in line to feed”, and gave me a little more anyway. I was stunned. Let’s just say that it was obvious I was a visitor. I was taught to give visitors special attention, but not in a negative way. This was unreal. We stayed and ate with our hosts, but Benny was in a hurry to take the kids to play, then go home. I didn’t know why, but I assumed it was because AGAIN, nobody talked to us – besides our hosts. I found out why Benny was so mad when we were walking back to the car. When he was in line with Max, a man made a comment to Max and Benny commented back and tried to start a conversation with him. In the middle of Benny talking to him, the man grabbed his hand to shake it and said, “God bless you” and turned and walked away. That was the last straw…
When we left, our hosts said, “Well, we’ll keep you posted on activities and we’re hoping you’ll come back and give our church another try. I was thinking “There’s no way…”

So, do we write a letter to the church Pastor and tell him all of this? Do we just turn down their invites? It was weird feeling like such an outsider with church people. I wondered if that was how all visitors felt? No wonder it’s so intimidating for new people in churches. No wonder there are so many that never come back. If I wanted to be part of a secluded, inward focused group of people, I’d join a country club. The church isn’t supposed to be one. I hope this church is in the minority. It’s sad that this attitude is out there at all. I heard it said that most churches consider themselves friendly. Would those who visit say the same about them?

O.K. Here are my thoughts on the article featuring my friend Chris. If you skipped over reading that post, go read it now, then come back here.

I don’t know why Chris started blogging. I hope it was the pressure Adam, Brock and I put on him at camp last year! (jk) He has some great things to say and he has such a passion for teens and other people God puts in his life. I was excited that someone thought enough of him (and blogging) to do an article on him and his blog. This is one of those rare occasions you’ll hear me applauding a newspaper for their work.

I raise my glass to anyone who is blogging to better mankind by uplifting and encouraging others. I applaud the courage it takes to post your thoughts for the world to read knowing there will be many who disagree with you or just don’t understand. I give mad props to my friends that are working out their Christian walk whether it be by struggling through the tough questions we are faced with, or trying to leap out of the status quo of churchianity.

That being said, I was disappointed to read of ministers implying that blogging is a waste of precious soul-winning time, It’s just a place for “brain dumps”, and not a way to draw people to Christ. I totally get not having much time to blog – I have a husband to dote on, three small children – which I homeschool, our Dry Bones ministry, the worship team, and two other ministries I’m involved in. I cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, lead a Bible Study for women, have regular chiropractic appointments, blah blah blah. EVERYONE is busy – welcome to our world. I acknowledge that blogging is not for everyone – just like homeschooling and tattoos aren’t for everyone. (Welcome to MY world!)

Here’s my problem with Mr. Davis, Mr. Jeffress and Mr. Counterman’s comments – in order. But first I have this one little disclaimer – I don’t know these men and had to take their comments at face value. That’s where my distrust of the media comes into play. I can’t know for sure if these things were meant to sound as they did. I assume they were, since I know people that would say similar things about blogging and bloggers.

Mr. Davis assumes that Chris and his counterparts are blogging “on church time” with his comment about “must have a good staff that allows them to sit and do that”. He is right to say some bloggers are all about debating and not truth. Not all of us are. His efforts are spent “studying and drawing people into the church environment to reveal truth to them in a systematic way”. Oh boy – I could have another whole post just about that comment alone. Here’s the condensed version. TRUTH IS NOT REVEALED IN THE CHURCH ENVIRONMENT ALONE! Systematic way? IT’S ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. We are not called to bring people into the church to teach them truth. We are called to GO to the people – read the book of Matthew – or better yet – look at Jesus’ example throughout his life. He didn’t start the “First Church of Jesus” and invite everyone to join him there. He went to the people and eventually they went where he went. Moving on…

Mr. Jeffress raised the question of time. I already addressed that. He said, “I think people are more interested in hearing what God’s Word says about a subject than to read my musings”. (Rabbit trail – that’s the title of one of my other friend’s blogs –MUSINGS ;)) I think he’s mostly wrong. First of all, it may not be all Christians reading the blog. Those who aren’t don’t know or care what God’s word says. A blog could be the place they are introduced to Christ…who knows? Secondly, My preacher friend Bill uses scripture and his own musings about life and faith to reach the masses. Again, Jesus led the way when He used stories to explain and teach biblical truths. I want to read about how God is working in, stretching, and growing faith in other people’s lives. It beats some of the excrement lining our library and bookstore bookshelves! He also said he’d “question any attempt by one of his associate pastors to blog regularly”. Wow. Tough boss. Maybe he too was thinking about the guys blogging during office hours. I have found that it’s a great way to reach out to people…including those in my church. And I know for many of my blogging youth minister friends it’s a way to reach out to the teens in their youth groups. What are all those office hours for anyway?

On to Mr. Counterman. Again with the time thing. He is rightly concerned with the dangers of blogging – people stumbling onto your blog not knowing you and where your comments are coming from. As far as retraction statements – say what you mean and mean what you say and you shouldn’t have to worry about that. His “brain dumps” comment made me laugh. You’re reading my brain dump right now. That’s what blogs are my friend – you putting your thoughts into written words and throwing them out there hoping they are read by someone who needs them. Or just throwing them out there because you want to without expecting a response. It’s my need to be heard that keeps me writing and my being a lexiphiliac (lover of words) that keeps me reading other people works. I like that my blog doesn’t have to be well thought out all the time. Sometimes this is the place I work through my thoughts. I’m never concise – sounds like a guy thing to say – Mr. Counterman would hate my blog. I can deal with that. I’m sorry he’s missing out on all those bloggers who aren’t bitter, criticizing people. With 75,000 new blogs being created everyday (according to the article) you’d think maybe some of them would be used for good and not evil. 😉

Back to the heros of the story (hehe). Kudos to Mr. Stanford for using the web to connect with others and leave his mark. And Chris…he says he doesn’t know why he has a blog. I think he does know. He says he doesn’t share anything profound – yet he points the way to Christ in several of his posts. Even if he only posts periodically, he’s worthy of your time because he’s doing his best to be the man God created him to be. That’s good enough for me!

How often do you say those words? To whom do you say them? Is it hard to say them? Do you feel wierd when they are spoken to you? Do you say them to everyone with a flippant “Love ya” as if it’s just a goodbye? Have you ever accidentally said it to someone before hanging up the phone and then not known what to do about it? Should you apologize or joke about it? Will it make the situation more embarassing? How many diffferent tones can you have in your voice when you say it? Doesn’t it sound different when you say it to a child? To your lover? To your friend?

When you haven’t heard these words most of your life, they can be life itself. When you’ve heard them spoken frequently and without emotion, they lose a bit of their power and they become just words. Our tongues have the power to heal or destroy.

My friend Paula spoke these words to me the other day. I was speaking words of healing and encouragement to her as she so often does for me. At the end of our chat, she said, “I love you”. We are bonded as sisters in Christ and we are a blessing to each other, but I was caught off guard because I think it was the first time she had said that to me. I instinctively said it back and then felt silly. Not because I don’t love her back, but because I was repeating what she had said first. It got me thinking…

I do love Paula. I love all of my friends – fiercely and passionately – guys and girls alike. I am a loyal friend and I would do just about anything for them, but sometimes it feels wierd to say “I love you”. I know with my guy friends, I tend to speak more from my family, or Benny and I both. I’ve said, “We love you ____” so I wouldn’t make them (or me) feel wierd hearing “I love you” from a married woman. I guess that’s what is appropriate. My friend Nat and I pray together on the phone on Monday nights. We tell each other “I love you” all the time. Why does it feel wierd for one friend and not another? I don’t think it’s the length of the friendship – I have people I’ve been friends with for years that I don’t say that to. Maybe it’s the depth of the friendship. My brother Lennie and I talk several times a week and we always say “I love you” before we hang up – it’s what my family does. Benny and I never go a day without saying it to each other. We whisper it into each child’s ear as we tuck them in at night. We tell our friends we love them. Benny’s sounds more like, “Love you man”. 😉

Those are just some thoughts floating around in my head. Do I say it enough? Do I say it too much? Do the people I love know that I love them? I’ve often heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”, and while that’s true, when it comes to love, saying it is just as important as showing it. I think I’ll go call Paula back…

The prayer had just ended and the room was dimly lit by the candles nearby. “Go when you’re ready”. A few people rose to their feet to make their way to the communion tables. Billy and Russell began the gentle picking and strumming on their guitars. Rather than merely hearing my cue coming, I felt it. I opened my mouth to sing and felt my heart opening to the words that came out. With my emotions rising and a steady voice, I began to sing to my Lord…

I give my heart to you Lord,
I give my soul to you Lord,
I give my mind and I give my all to you oh Lord.

I give my hands to you Lord,
I give my strength to you Lord,
I give my life and I give my all to you oh Lord.

For you alone are worthy of all I am,
For you have given me it all
and the least I can do is give it back to you.

It was my praise. It was my worship. It was my freeing from the bondage of “the rules of worship”. Not every note came out perfectly, but every one of them was beautiful. Musically speaking it was suited for my range though I had worried it would be too low for me. I may have even missed an entrance by a few beats. The positive of being the one leading the song is that everyone else follows you and sometimes that covers up the mistakes. But none of this mattered. I was singing to my God and offering Him the best I had to give Him. Shay’s harmonies and the people in our fellowship singing along with us kept me focused. I felt the tears way down deep inside me beginning to swell up into my chest. The Holy Spirit within was pleased and interceding for me with the Father. The connection was made and I was moved. So were others. What a privilege to usher people into the throne room. What a joy to worship with friends and strangers and to use my gifts to help them move closer to God.

I’ve been singing with the worship team for a month now and I’m still struggling to completely let go of my fears and my previous church baggage. Some days I have come to that place where it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and I know the Father has spoken to my heart. I wish that were the case all the time and I didn’t waste my energy with less important opinions. If I’m coming before the throne and asking my Father what He thinks of me, I need to accept His answer. Sometimes I just need to come to tell Him what I think of Him, or leave my offering of praise. The first Sunday I sang, Tim and I lead the song “Offerings”(Third Day). It had the same effect on me, except my nerves got in the way of the confidence God had told me to have and I held back. I didn’t give it my all – I won’t easily make that mistake again.

Magnificent Holy Father, I stand in awe of all I see.
Of all the things you have created, still you choose to think of me.
Who am I that you should suffer your very life to set me free?
The only thing that I can offer is the life you gave to me.

This is my offering dear Lord, This is my offering to you God.
And I give you my life, for it’s all I have to give, because you gave your life for me.

I stand before you at this altar, so many have given you more.
I may not have much I can offer yet what I have is truly yours.

That’s what He wants – us – our lives as a living sacrifice. He wants us to give our all. Are you?

I talked to my friend Chris today and he told me he had been interviewed by a local paper about his blog. How awesome is that? He promised to send me a link, but I’m impatient, nosy, and proud of my friend, so I looked it up myself on the www. Here is the article in full. I changed the format a bit to fit here since it’s one of those pesky “for registered users only” sites and a pain in the bum to link to. I’m sure he’d love to hear any comments you may have, and you have to read the words to the song written in his honor. Too funny! (Poor Chris!) So, Way to go Chris! The five of us that read your blog are so proud of you! 😉


Pastors share thoughts on blogs
By Ann Work/Times Record News
July 17, 2006

“I am just a simple man living in a small west Texas town, trying to figure out life like everyone else … I pray that God will take me more into His presence daily and that by doing so, He can make me more like Him.”
– entry by Chris Robey, youth minister, Wilbarger Street Church of Christ, Vernon, found at chrisrobey.blogspot.com

When youth minister Chris Robey started “blogging” last year, he wrote about theological questions that were bothering him. He set up his Weblog, or blog, at chrisrobey.blogspot.com. He wrote in spurts, sometimes once a month, sometimes more. He used cyberspace to get discussions going with other youth ministers in his journal-like entries. “Generally, I have something to say, some kind of point to it,” Robey said. Robey is one of several local pastors who blog to communicate with other pastors, church members and church youth.

About 75,000 new blogs are started every day, according to Megan Greenwell in a July 9 Washington Post article. Some are started by computer-savvy ministers. While some see the forum as a way to reach out in an increasingly technology-oriented society, other Wichita Falls pastors are saying “no” to the trend.

For Greg Stanford, youth minister at Tenth and Broad Church of Christ in Wichita Falls, blogging started out as a way to let people get to know him. He wanted to open himself up a little bit, to share what made him tick. “It was just keeping in touch,” he said. “What it’s become is a place to put the thoughts that I don’t get to share with people all the time,” he said. He keeps two blogs, one at myspace.com and another on blogger.com. He writes a couple times a month. On his myspace account, Stanford serves in a role that is part youth minister and part guardian of his church’s teens, who also blog there. At the popular cyberspace teen hang-out, “I remind them that people do read what they type. They need to represent who they are and what they believe.” He’s blogged enough with church members that it’s not uncommon for members of his congregation to speak to him about it at church. “They’ll say, ‘I learned something about you today.’ “

In Vernon, Robey has used his blog to open up about some of his frustrations and fears. In one entry, he tells the story of a Mexico trip with his youth group when he hit a pedestrian with his car. He barely grazed the man but scared the rattled pedestrian enough to unleash a string of curse words from the victim. Three van-loads of church members saw the whole thing and wrote a song about it. “Let’s pray that I don’t give anyone a reason to write a song about me this year,” he wrote as he explained the stress he feels before taking 50 church members on a ministry trip out of the country.

In a March posting, Robey told of a recent trip to Pascagoula, Miss., with a Midwestern State University college group to do hurricane clean-up – and used the entry to do a little preaching:
“I forgot how much fun it is to sleep on the floor with a bunch of teen-agers. I plead with you. Go to http://www.123jesus.com and find out what you can do. We all have so much, but people in our own borders have nothing because of a six-hour storm …. Cancel your Six-Flags trips. Sacrifice your vacation time. Challenge yourself to live out Matthew 25:35 … Jesus means business when he says these things.”

Other pastors say blogging doesn’t fit their style or their ministry. Some simply don’t have the time. “Most of the guys who do those must have a good staff that allows them to sit and do that,” said George B. Davis, pastor of New Harvest Church. He doesn’t have the time, he said.
He noticed many blogs center on debate, not truth. He doesn’t want to debate merely for debate’s sake. “My efforts are spent studying and drawing people into the church environment to reveal truth to them in a systematic way,” Davis said.

First Baptist Church Pastor Robert Jeffress said he didn’t have time to blog and would question any attempt by one of his associate pastors to blog regularly. “If he was blogging, I’d wonder how he has the time to do it,” he said. Writing a blog may be a cathartic experience for some and he wouldn’t discourage it, he said. “In my own ministry I think people are more interested in hearing what God’s Word says about a subject than to read my musings,” Jeffress said.

Lukus Counterman, pastor at Messiah Baptist Church in Wichita Falls, follows other ministers’ blogs but doesn’t have one of his own. A blog to church members could be helpful for ministry, he said, but he’s still wrestling with its dangers. “Once you post it on the World Wide Web, it’s worldwide. You can’t effectively make retraction statements.” Some blog sites are merely “brain dumps,” he said. “It’s not coherent, thought-through or concise. The other deal is it’s decontextualized. People come in, they don’t know you, they don’t know your ministry, they don’t know your previous blogs.” He’s noticed that many bloggers are bitter, frustrated people who just want to criticize. “That’s not part of the culture I want to be in,” he said.

Other bloggers, like Robey, have warmed up to blogging over time and enjoy the forum to share what God is teaching them.

“I am not a very good blogger. Sometimes I wonder why I have one. I usually don’t have many profound things to say. I don’t live a particularly interesting life. I don’t skydive. Yet there are times that I am glad that I have a blog. The whole blog mechanism is good for distributing information to the five (and growing!) people who peruse the limited pages of this blog. I hope that if nothing else, this entry will create some interest in what I believe to be one of the places (the Pascagoula mission trip) that God is truly working in this world.”
– Chris Robey, March 27, 2006, blog

Education reporter Ann Work can be reached at (940)763-7538 or by e-mail at work (at)TimesRecordNews.com.