Sometimes I Write

I can’t tell you exactly how much snow we’ve gotten in the last 24 hours, but it was enough to keep me indoors (and in pajamas) for the day. I wish I could say I spent it with a good book and a hot cup of chai, but no such luck. Today was cleaning day. I usually do that on Mondays, but Lennie was still here so we played instead. I have my priorities straight. 😉 Benny and Max ventured out for a few hours and came home with a HUGE box which was immediately transformed into a spaceship. They took their markers inside and drew computers, speakers, knobs and levers, etc. I love spaceships…why? Because it kept the kids busy for the rest of the day…right up until bedtime. Max pulled his sleeping bag and pillow in there and he’s camping in it tonight. More power to him. What is life without spending the night in a spaceship?

Tomorrow is our online planning meeting for Zenith. I’m excited to have some communication with my guy friends and hear what all is being planned for this summer. Our theme is HOPE. How appropriate, huh? It’s something we all need and something God offers us so freely. I’m looking forward to hearing what the guys have come up with…and excited that Benny gets to tell them he’ll be back there this year.

I’m trying hard to get caught up on my blog reading, but so many of my blogging friends are more frequent posters than I am. I hope that you check out my friends listed over there in the sidebar. They’re all fantastic people!

I hate saying goodbye. I don’t do it very well. It’s a very emotional thing for me to let somebody or something leave my life not knowing if it will ever return…Or knowing something isn’t supposed to. That’s hard stuff.

My brother Lennie has been here for a week and it has been great visiting with him. If there were anything I could do to get him to move here, I’d do it. But he’s boarding a plane back to Minnesota tonight and I’ll have to say goodbye. It’s not that I think he won’t return to CO for a visit, or that I won’t travel to see him in Minnesnowta. It’s that I love my time with him and I know from life’s experiences, sometimes there are loooooooong stretches of time between visits.

Sometimes our time is cut short unexpectedly. My dear friend Paula is holding a memorial service today for her beloved grandma. Her family is in Oklahoma holding the official funeral, but due to difficult family circumstances Paula won’t be there to join them. She and her family will remember grandma in their own way here in CO, and though her family will support her the best they can, they didn’t know grandma like Paula did – so in a way she’s mourning alone. She is saying goodbye the best way she knows how and that looks different from the way her family will be saying goodbye.

We’re also preparing to say goodbye to another phase of our life. Working with Dry Bones has been such a learning experience and time for growth and depth for us. We set out to go where God sent us despite some thinking us crazy and reckless. Oh how our faith has been tested and grown, but we’ve gotten better at listening and watching for His leading as we’ve continually followed Him to places we wouldn’t have thought of on our own. First to Indiana, then to Kansas, and back to Colorado. He’s not asking us to move again just yet, but He has redirected our focus to the Boulder area. That means saying goodbye to our time with Dry Bones as we begin a new ministry there. So as excited as I am to begin a new thing, I can’t help but mourn the old.

God is so faithful to provide the little pockets of sunshine I mentioned in my last post. My brother’s visit fits in that category. Encouraging emails from my favorite blogging friends has been another. A letter from Linda. Spending time with my worship team. Thrift shopping with my sister-in-law last Saturday. Going to see CASINO ROYALE with my brother and husband following an amazing meal at a Japanese Country Restaurant/dojo called DOMO. Reading another great book written by Susan. An online planning meeting for Camp Zenith next summer. Eating a slice of Key Lime pie as I type this. Pockets of sunshine indeed!
Thank You God!

Just in case you didn’t know, that stands for “Too Much Information”, which is what you’re about to get.

Some days life just sucks the Life right out of me. Some days I wish I could just go back to bed and begin the day all over again. If I had my way, I’d wake up on my own – not to an alarm clock or hungry children. I’d lay in bed and read or watch T.V. while Benny brings me a cup of hot chai and a Cranberry Orange scone. When I did decide to get up, I’d slip into my favorite outfit – something that made me feel sexy and alive. Not too sexy, but something that would make my family’s eyes widen in surprise and say, “Wow! You look…Wow!” I would not be identified as a housewife by anyone. Not this day. We would spend the remainder of the morning doing our school lessons and reading great books aloud. After lunch the kids would go to their rooms for a nap and Benny and I would go to our room for alone time. We’d spend a lazy afternoon in each other’s arms, whispering our love to each other and sharing our dreams for the future. Paying bills, responsibilities, and the like would never enter our conversation. We’d just giggle, caress, and love as husband and wife. Supper would be served and cleaned up by someone else – at my favorite restaurant, and the evening would be spent playing games with the kids until bedtime. A friend would arrive to sit with the kids while Benny and I went to a late movie. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…..

Yeah, I’m dreaming alright. I just had the worst period of my entire life – I’m not joking. I’ve had a death grip on my raging hormones and had to apologize to my brother a few times. He’s here visiting for a week – poor guy! I have been disappointed and annoyed with friends, and been let down by a few as well. I have enjoyed little pockets of sunshine, but what I’ve really needed was a day when life was so bright, I’ve had to wear shades. In a perfect world I’d always say the right words, and sing on key. I wouldn’t get choking fits in the middle of a special communion song, or get mad at friends who arrive late. In a perfect world, I would be compassionate ALL the time instead of being annoyed with those who suck the life out of others because they haven’t ever known any other way of living. In a perfect world, my youngest child would be potty trained, and I’d be patient and trusting with God’s timing in my life. In a perfect world my friends wouldn’t be suffering through cancer, and I’d be in touch with all the people I care about. In a perfect world I’d, I’d…well…I’d live like I really am free instead of falling into the trap of living in pseudo-freedom. But I don’t live in a perfect world. Some days suck…and that’s life. I don’t feel like saying it in a prettier way.

Through it all, I know I am loved and if I can only cling to ONE thing in times like these, it’s that I am deeply loved by the God of all things. He knows my heart, isn’t offended when I use the word “suck”, and has a plan for my future. So even on the days that suck – I am blessed indeed.

All who are thirsty, All who are weak

Come to the fountain, dip your heart in the stream of Life

Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away in the waves of His mercy,

As deep cries out to deep, we sing

Come Lord Jesus, Come

I was unusually late. I’m always the first to arrive when we meet for our study. In my defense, I had to run to the store for a few items the group had forgotten. My expectations for our mini-retreat were high and I was not disappointed. I’ve had several friends ask me how it went, and all I could do was respond with a smile and a sigh and say, “All women should have a group like that!”

We arrived at Kristi’s parent’s house Saturday evening and chatted a bit before ordering in Chinese food. We ate and talked and laughed. There was a lot of catching up to do since we hadn’t met for two whole weeks! 😉 We shared our stories and our lives until 1:30 a.m. It was awesome. Paula and I slept on opposite ends of a comfortable sectional couch so we actually stayed up chatting even later by ourselves. Wouldn’t you?

Sunday morning Wendy and I made breakfast casserole and prepared fresh fruit while Abi and Kristi went for a run. (I’d rather cook which is why they are skinny and I am… not.) I think Paula was getting ready for the day – I can’t remember. After breakfast we all did our own thing for a bit and a neighbor stopped by to see why there were so many cars parked in front of Kristi’s parent’s house while they were supposed to be in Arizona. It was funny, yet very sweet of her to watch out for her friends like that.

We finished up our Captivating book and discussion and Wendy had a few treats planned for us. First she played a song for us that makes her think of our group. The song is “Suddenly I See” and was featured in the opening sequence of the movie, The Devil Wears Prada. Abi posted the lyrics and a bunch of pictures from the retreat on her blog, so go check it out. Keep in mind that we were at a retreat and not trying to look our best for the camera. 😉 Nice disclaimer huh? (I hate my pictures) THEN, Wendy brought out cute little origami baskets she had made for each of us (eat your heart out Martha!) filled with foot spa stuff. She gave the four of us pedicures! Abi posted a picture of Wendy working on my tattooed foot – the best picture of me on her post! haha We all shared our birth stories – something we decided all mothers have the need to do, discussed our favorite books and authors, and laid our heart’s burdens out before each other. We divulged secrets, and laughed until our sides hurt. We began our group just six short months ago, but I can honestly say these women are counted among my closest friends – as you could probably tell since I post about them so much. I marvel at the fact that we are so different yet love each other so deeply. We are for each other, and for coming to God together with and for each other. We ended our retreat surrounding Wendy in prayer.

I commented to Abi that when we moved here I had asked God to give me friends I could be “REAL” with and He blessed me more abundantly than I could have imagined or hoped for…He gave me these women – Paula, Wendy, Kristi, and Abi. Suddenly I see…this is what I wanna be!

O. K. Let’s see…

The Plunder the Darkness retreat was awesome. It was the first time Benny and I spoke together using a tag team approach. That alone can stretch some people – the ones who think women can’t or shouldn’t teach. (baloney.) Our message was strong and it was well received. I’d still like to post about the lessons, which I may do sometime, but right now we’re refining it and asking the Lord to provide more opportunities to share it with youth groups across the country.

My Aunt Sharon had a mastectomy last week. The surgery went well and I ask that you pray for her as she recovers and begins her treatments to kill the cancer in the breast she still has. She also became a grandma for the first time yesterday. She’s had quite a week!

Our preacher friend Bob Herndon was recently diagnosed with cancer in his esophagus. The course of treatment is yet to be determined. Pray for him too.

My friend Shay, whom I sing with at The Journey, has been battling cancer on and off since she was 19. She’s now 23. She has a fighting spirit, but lately has been feeling low. She could use your prayers as well as she struggles to make sense of life.

That’s three people that I love that are suffering from, but surviving, some form of cancer. Wow. Every Sunday night my family sits down together to watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – the very best show on Television. Last week’s episode was about a woman who became a sort of activist for breast cancer awareness after her mom was diagnosed, treated, and survived. Then when she was 26, she herself was diagnosed and went through treatments. Ofcourse the bills piled up and their house suffered neglect so they could afford the things that were more important like food and the medicines she needed. Like every other week, ABC bulldozed their house and built a bigger, more beautiful one in it’s place. It was touching like it always is, but it was even more special for us because she lives in St. Meinrad, Indiana. Benny and I both took spiritual retreats at the Benedictine Monastery there, and it was introduced to us by our friend Bob, mentioned above. There were several shots of the monastery in the background and it made us long for time there again. It also was cool to think of Bob and be thankful for his encouragement to spend time there alone at their retreat center and chapel. Bob has been such an encouragement to us and challenged us to grow in our faith. He’s quite a guy.

I’m sorry I wasted so much time being angry last week. Something great had happened at the retreat, so I should have expected the opposition from the enemy. I just think it hurts more when he uses people we care about to bring us down. He’s such a jerk! If I would have looked a little harder, I would have seen that God was blessing our socks off with other people encouraging us through the trials. I don’t doubt that I am loved, that I’m on the right path, and that I’ve come a long way in my healing from the abuses I’ve endured by churches in my past. This weekend I did some more work to uproot the seeds of bitterness trying to take root in my heart.

My CAPTIVATING FRIENDS and I gathered for a 24 hour retreat from Saturday night to Sunday night. It was a time of great healing and bonding and the lifting up of all of our spirits. More on that next time…