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Taj McNamara

How do I even begin to talk about this incredible woman? Let’s see, we met in college as 18 year olds and spent many nights laughing it up with our fellow DOE club members. (A post coming on that little adventure sometime soon.) As Freshmen, Taj lived across the hall from me in the dorm. She was always a little…uh…crazy. I mean that with love and sincerity. We got along great because I’m loud, she’s deaf, and we both have fighter hearts. That has served us very well in life. I’ve never told her this before because the memory just came back to me as I am writing this, but one night I pounded on her door to borrow something. She wasn’t completely deaf back then, but she still didn’t hear me. The door was unlocked so I opened it and found her dancing around with her back to me, headphones in place, a paint brush in one hand and a multi-colored palette in the other. The landscape of the majestic Rocky Mountains was forming on the easel before her. She was oblivious to me as she hummed along to her music, cocking her head to look at her work as she danced. Every few seconds she’d dab a little more color on the canvas, then grab for her can of Coke. She was in her own little world and looked so…free. I laughed to myself and closed the door. Who was I to disturb her sanctuary?

Fast forward 18 years *gasp* and we’ve reconnected after little contact in between now and then. She’s still a fighter that’s living free and loving the mountains. Unfortunately we live on opposite sides of this beautiful state. One of these days we’ll see each other again. In the meantime, we Instant Message several times a week and we’ve really connected through some deep shared pain and long conversations about life, death, and faith. While I’ve been promoting friends, I wanted to share my story about Taj because she’s been an inspiration to me and because I’m so proud of her and all she has accomplished.

Taj has been through hell on earth. It’s my place to share her life story here, but I can say that I’m amazed she is still alive and feisty as ever. She’s been the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of gal and made something of herself when she was being told what a disappointment she was by her family and “friends”. She is newly married to a terrific guy (yeah Tom) and has two beautiful daughters: Alex (14) and Logan (7). She is a proud (read busy) homeowner in Durango, one of the most beautiful parts of the state. But I’m trying to do more than make my college friend feel good, I’m also promoting her business.

Taj is the web-designer at the Durango Herald AND she’s running her own business doing graphic design for print and internet work as well as professional photography for everything from marketing to weddings and portraiture. Her fees vary depending on the type of work and travel involved, and she works with her clients to find something that gets them what they want for something they can afford. You can see some of her design work HERE until her website is up and running. She can be contacted with inquiries and to discuss her price list at tntmacnamara@gmail.com. Taj is deaf and doesn’t do phones, but she types 120wpm so if you email her, be prepared for a quick response. She’s also a fellow blogger: tomtaj.blogspot.com Call me biased, but I think Taj is really good at what she does. She is the one who designed our logo for SEVENS which our street kids love…and so do we. Thanks Taj! You’re amazing!

Congratulations Melinda! Your e-book is on it’s way!

Thank you to all who participated!

Be sure to visit Laura’s online shop!

More giveaways coming soon!

As you can tell by the dates at the top of my posts, I haven’t been here since Friday. To be honest, I haven’t been in the blogging mood. Then our internet went out and I thought Good, now I have an excuse for not blogging, emailing, writing, working on the web, etc. Like having a hurting heart wasn’t reason enough to take a little break.

It has been a HARD week for me. It began last Wednesday with the news of the Chapman Family – not close friends, but my heart ached anyway. The next day my college friend Taj IMed me to tell me she definitely lost the twins she was pregnant with. That is when I decided I needed a little blogging break and would pick back up on Monday. Just when I think I’m hurting less about my own miscarriage, emotions burst forth and my knees buckle. Then my internet started having problems. My friend Bill emailed to ask me to pray for a fellow blogger who lost his 18 year old son in an accident. He would have graduated from high school soon. My friend Chelf emailed to tell me about Suezque, another blogging friend who has stopped by here.  She and her husband were killed in a tornado on Friday while driving to Kansas for Memorial Day weekend.  Suezque was a cousin to my friends Laura and Kansas Sally. I hadn’t had a chance to meet her yet, but we had Colorado in common and I hoped to meet her eventually. And I still will. You can read the news story about her and her husband HERE. My friend Jenn emailed today to let everyone know her grandmother died. Death after death. Loss and grief. And LOTS of tears.

While I was wondering if my internet would even be up so I could post something I’m grateful for, I talked with God about holding on and looking for sunshine in the darkness. And THAT is what I’m most grateful for today. God has been ever present through all of my heartache this year. He loves me and He loves my friends who are also experiencing loss and expressing their grief. God is not absent when I am feeling lost and weepy. He doesn’t tell me to snap out of it and move on before my wounds have had some time to heal, and He heals them a little bit at a time. He knows all of my questions and allows me the freedom to have them. He listens to my rants and my prayers with an equal amount of love for me. He is there when I weep all day and when I toss and turn all night. He is there when I sing to Him as loud as I can and when I joyfully tell Him how much I love his creativity and how He outdid himself with the beauty I see around me. He is there in my heart whether it’s breaking, healing, or overflowing with joy. He is there holding my hand when I’m afraid. He is there whispering my worth to me and telling me to listen to His voice only. God is always there. In the 90’s, Bette Midler sang that God is watching us from a distance. She was so wrong. He walks through our joys and our sorrows WITH us.

Want to join us for Gratituesday?

Head on over to Laura’s blog – Heavenly Homemakers and link up.

Congratulations Lynne!

I’ll mail your book to you asap!

Thank you to everyone who participated, and thank you for your interest in Searching For Spice.

I’m interrupting my Promoting Friends Week for this special post. Keep entering to win the give aways. We’ll continue with the friends and give aways posts on Monday. I’m going to need a few days. Though I don’t know this family personally, my own pain is too recent and I am grieving with them right now.

Singer/Songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest daughter Maria was killed last night. Her brother was backing out of the driveway and didn’t see her. I cannot imagine the horror of this situation and the pain they’re feeling right now. Please pray for their family. His music has been an encouragement to me and my family over the years. It has offered hope, challenge, comfort, wisdom, reminders to love those close to you, and so much more.

Before we were married, Benny and I knew we wanted to adopt someday and we had chosen China as our first adoptive country – before it became one of the biggest focuses of couple seeking international adoption. Several years ago Steven Curtis Chapman was at the Youth Specialties conference we were at and he sang his song When Love Takes You In and showed the video about adoption. It featured his daughter Shaohannah and it made both of us cry. We were so touched by it, and though it seemed to us at the time it was a sign to keep dreaming about our future Chinese daughter, I know now it was about a different kind of adoption.

I think we interpreted those messages and the overflowing compassion in a different way than God may have meant for us. I’m not sure if foreign adoption is still in our future, but I can tell you that we’ve already “adopted” hundreds of children, teens, and adults over our 15 years of marriage. God has placed so many brokenhearted people in our path and used us to show them that “love” and “home” and “family” can be real words in their vocabularies, and I am so grateful. We too have been adopted as sons and daughters into a family bigger than our own. Sometimes we need that reminder. I want to share the video he showed that night and the lyrics for the song. I hear it now and think of our friends on the streets.

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

I want to leave you with one more song. His latest hit single, Cinderella, was inspired by Maria and Stevie Joy, his two youngest daughters. I don’t know if God gave him this song for such a time as this, but I do know that God holds every tear we shed and He never abandons us. I cling to this truth for myself as well as the Chapmans and everyone who has grieved the loss of a child. Pray for comfort and joy for this family.

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I’m sittin’ here wearin’ the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It’s been a long day and there’s still work to do,
She’s pulling at me saying “Dad I need you!
There’s a ball at the castle and I’ve been invited and I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone

She says he’s a nice guy and I’d be impressed
She wants to know if I’d approve of a dress
She says “Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy, please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin’ and tellin’ us all they had planned
She says “Dad, the wedding’s due six months away
And I need to practice my dancin'”
“Oh please, daddy please!”

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she’ll be gone