Sometimes I Write

We’ve been talking about faith for a few weeks in BSF. This week’s lesson included my theme verses for my life right now:
“So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong.”

Hebrews 12:12-13 (NLT)
My life has been a series of challenges since I started this blog. There are days when I feel up to the challenge, and days when I want to scream, “Calgon! Take me away!” So, I shared those verses with my ladie’s bible class tonight. When I started the class a few months ago, I asked each lady to share a prayer request – something that they’d like to learn or take away from the class, or an area that they’d like to see growth in. Mine was to find calm and order in my life again. HA HA HA (Remember, I have 3 children ages 5 and under.)

Well, God answered my prayer, but not how I wanted or expected Him to. Is my life more calm than 3 months ago? Nope! Just the opposite. The only “order” to my life is the #3 at McDonald’s because I’m too tired to cook, and I can’t even get them to put vanilla in my coke. God knew that we’d be traveling alot, that my grandmother was going to die, that He was going to send us to Boulder, that we were dreading telling our teens that we’re leaving, that Zoe didn’t really want to potty train yet, Pete would be fussy while pushing 3 teeth through at once, and Max would tell me EVERYDAY that he’s too big for naps. (If I’m not – he’s not!)

How did God answer my prayer? He whispered in my ear, “My grace is sufficient for you”. He was there with me during everything mentioned, and He’s already there tomorrow, waiting for me… and my faith. He did not give me calm and order in my life…He gave me peace in my heart and reassurance through His word and through other people of faith. He didn’t give me what I asked for; He gave me what I really needed. That’s just like Him…So, I’ve got my new grip, and my feet are ready to go. I refuse to trudge when I can dance instead! Many thanks to all of my cheerleaders out there, and thanks to God for being one of them!!!

Special thanks to the blogmaster for teaching me how to add links to my blog. 🙂

The sites listed are a few of my favorites. Some help, some challenge, some just make me laugh. I’m loving this whole blogging thing. I’ve been telling friends that I created a blog and most of them look at me and say “a what?”. I’ve been reading a lot of other peoples thoughts on their blogs…I’m not so weird afterall. There is still so much to learn about what I can do with this thing. For now…simple is good. Thanks for coming!

God told Abraham to leave his home and everything he was comfortable with and go to a land God would show him. He was 75 years old, but God said “Go”, so he did. God’s call is a funny thing sometimes. We are moving to Colorado. Now that all of the important people know, I can write about it. I am excited and scared, happy and sad, ready and yet unprepared. (No, I’m not PMSing!) How many people do you know that would be willing to give up a good job, steady paycheck, and laidback life in the midwest to move toward the mountains to work with teens that live on the streets? We don’t know where our money will come from (although I’m thankful God already knows), where we will live, who we will be working with, or when all of this will take place. Just step out on faith…and keep walking…oh by the way, there are a whole lot of people watching to see what’s going to happen next. There have been mixed reactions to the news. Some have cried, some have gotten angry, some have just shaken their heads like they think we’re nuts. I am especially thankful for the ones who have encouraged us, commended our faith, and pledged their support towards this adventure.

This past year we have fallen in love with Dry Bones, a ministry to homeless street kids in the Denver area. Benny took a group of teens and adults from Westlink to participate in a week long “mission experience” with Dry Bones this summer. He came back a changed man. I knew then that we’d be there eventually. (I’ve come to know that look in his eyes.) We thought it would be atleast a few years down the road, but we started praying. We prayed for opportunity, wisdom,and clear cut direction. We thought God was leading us to financially support the existing ministry, and try to gather supplies or whatever they might need. Then on a Thursday afternoon in October, we got a call asking if we’d be willing to move to CO to be a part of a team to plant Dry Bones in a new city. There are team members already living there laying the groundwork, and they had been praying for an additional team member. Benny was the name God kept giving them. We prayed some more and God has clearly said “Go”. Such a simple statement yet it has turned our lives upside down! Since the day we decided to go, Satan has been kicking our family around and looking for ways to devour us. We’ve experienced sickness, 2 deaths of people we love, discouragement from people we thought would lift us up, 2 VERY long roadtrips with 3 small children, and a variety of little things too numerous to mention here.

Our teens and their parents were suprised but not shocked. Several of them have told us they knew back in June that Benny was made to do that kind of ministry. Our church is already in transition planning a new building addition, so the timing is not ideal for them. We hoped to stay for 6 months to a year to give us time to raise our financial support, but the elders are already very busy seeking new Youth & Young Family Minister possibilities. That alone makes me uneasy. So, we plan to stay until they find someone to replace us. I know in my heart that God knows all of the timing in this, my head is having a harder time accepting it. I guess I’m fighting the feeling that we’re going to be pushed out of the boat before we can step out on our own. I don’t want to be treated like we gave 2 weeks notice. I can’t control how people treat us, so I have to be ready for whatever comes. I’m excited about the ways I know God will use us in the lives of the teens in the Boulder area, but nervous about all of the change and how it will effect my own kids. (Max still tells us he wants to move back to Indiana because that’s where he was born and he likes it better!) Zoe and Pete are young enough that other than missing some of the people (especially Danita) they won’t know the difference. They’ll get to see Grandma & Grandpa Miller more often.

Once again I am being called to trust in the one who created the path I’m on and just follow where He leads. It may be well lit and evenly paved, and it may be rocky and filled with valleys. Either way, off we go…This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. So many thoughts…

Food. It sustains life. It brings pleasure. Hunger. It’s something I rarely feel, but people die from it every day. I’ve been thinking about food and hunger in the physical sense, as well as the spiritual. Why is it that I tend to physically over indulge myself, but spiritually, I sometimes try to get by on a liquid diet? In my BSF class yesterday, over and over we talked about how “meaty” this last lesson was. I grew up in the church and I’ve had my fill of Spiritual milk, but in the last few years – through BSF – I’ve realized that I ‘m not a baby anymore, or even a toddler, and God wants me on solids now. I am learning some amazing things about the God who made me and how much He loves me. I’ve gone far beyond the bible stories of my childhood and I’ve dug into the deeper lessons of faith, obedience, redemption, and love. I’m chewing like I’ve never chewed before and it’s great!

My son will celebrate his first birthday in three weeks. These past few months he has been trying out his new teeth on anything he can fit into his mouth. Now that he can bite and chew, he’s not interested in “babyfood”. He wants substance, texture, and taste. I know how he feels. I’ve developed this craving for…well…more. God’s story is neverending and there is always one more lesson to learn, one more truth to grasp, one more eye-opening (and mind opening) discovery to make. God’s word is so rich, colorful, and filling. So, while I continue to struggle and make strides with my physical self discipline in the area of food, my goal for today is to hunger for the food that fills my soul and truly keeps me alive!

“For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”

Psalm 107:9 (NLT)

My grandmother died on Thanksgiving morning. She had just had emergency open heart surgery a few days before, and she never recovered. She has been suffering through “this and that” since the day she was born, so I should be thankful that her days of pain have ended. My friend Kyle died in a terrible car accident on October 9th. He was in his twenties. He left behind his bride of three years, my dear friend Angi. Her physical wounds are healing, her heart will take a lot longer. Mike Yaconelli, a spiritual giant in my eyes, and the first man I ever met that I thought could completely relate to my husband, passed away suddenly one year ago this month. My friend and neighbor Diana committed suicide 2 years ago last week. She left behind an uncaring biological family, and my family who loved her dearly. I would like to play the martyr and say it hit me the hardest because I was the one that found her. The truth is I think it hit my son the hardest because he is so young and doesn’t yet have the concept of death down. Sure, he knows that he won’t ever see these people again, but he doesn’t understand why, or where they are now. It’s not easy trying to explain these things to a small child. At the very core, death is simple. We are born into this world, and for most of us we have no warning what day will be our last one on earth, we just know that day is coming. I think our society fears death and people tend to do whatever they can to try to cheat it, or atleast hold it off as long as possible. We even take it one step further and fear aging too. I may have had fears about how I will die, but I do not fear death itself. Having a husband and three small children, I think about what they would do without me should Jesus call me home tomorrow, or even today. I have to trust that they would be loved and cared for. So I try to love and care for others when they experience loss and heartache.

Hebrews 2: 14-15 tells us that Jesus shared in our humanity, that he died to destroy the one who holds the power of death-satan- and here’s the best part…verse 15 says, ” and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” So, I have been set free, and if you believe in Jesus, so have you…

So where is my struggle in all of this? Things left unsaid and undone. I hadn’t seen my grandmother in a couple of years. I wish I could have told Kyle one more time that I was proud of the man he had become. I never got to know Mike well enough to be able to say, ” Mike Yaconelli? He’s a good friend of ours”. And Diana, I know I did everything I could to be Jesus’s hands and feet in her life. I have mourned deeply wondering if it was enough. I inherited her journal, so I know some of her demons, and I know how much she loved us. I’ve read how she cried out to God, and I have to believe that He knew her state of mind better than anyone. I also know He knows our every tear. What an amazing God we serve! Death is certain, so is God’s love, and so I spend my days growing into the woman God made me to be, loving and encouraging along the way, and someday someone will say of me…”Boy did she ever leave her mark upon the earth!”