Sometimes I Write

If I travel far and wide looking for a place to hide
Would you hide me?
If I close my eyes and walk
Would you guide me?
If I run with all my might
Would you find me?
Lord help me from all my fears
Wipe the tears that I bear
Help me find the truth within
And guide me with thy hand and mine.

This was written by a 12 year old girl! I was impressed and moved! It’s her first post so I look forward to more from her. Check her out Here . Incidently, she is the daughter of Andrew Jones aka TallSkinnyKiwi…an emergent guru in blogland 🙂

This has been another adventurous week for me. My leg is better, so thanks for the prayers. No new news about Jack other than he’s claiming innocence. I tend to think the police must have some proof or they wouldn’t be able to keep him in jail. I don’t know, so for the moment I’m trying not to think about it.

We bought a house! Actually it’s a 24×63 double wide mobile home with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, an enclosed carport that will be a play room, and a workshop/storage room. It’s old, but really nice! Benny’s parents were kind enough to finance it for us. We went to Denver yesterday to look at it, and made an offer on the spot. If you haven’t noticed, this family does nothing slowly. Once again God has provided more than I even hoped for. Rent is VERY expensive in Denver, and we were able to buy for 1/2 of what we would pay in rent during our apprenticeship. Yeah God!

Satan always tries to stick it to us – this time in the form of a sleazy salesman! This guy was a royal pain! He used all of the typical lines like, “well there’s another couple interested in this place, but I’ll hold off until I hear from you” which he didn’t mention until we started talking about our offer. He didn’t know much about the house for being the one selling it for the owner. He was a bit rude and I was thankful my in-laws were there. He was more respectful when they were around. (Sometimes it stinks that age=respect.) Then he gave me grief about hoping we would be approved for the park. I assured him we have an excellent residency record with great references. Then he said, “Yeah but you don’t have a job!” I bit my tongue to keep from being ugly myself, gave him a stern look, and told him that all of our paperwork was signed and in order, and that working for a non-profit organization is a job. We had told him that’s why we were moving to Denver and that it was missionary work. He seemed uncomfortable with us. I’ll be glad when closing day comes and goes! I’m seriously thinking about filing a complaint with his company because he was unprofessional and a plain old jerk!

Benny and Max stayed in Denver for the rest of the day to spend time with the Wallaces and Goldman’s. It was also pool hall night, and Max had a blast! We talked to him ahead of time about what to call the street kids – we decided that “our friends” would be best. Max definitely made some. He bummed candy off Zillionaire, gave one of his toys to one of the babies, and he had a great time hanging out with his Popa, Cheeto, Bob, and the rest of our friends from the streets. The rest of us headed back to Buena Vista. I was supposed to stay in Denver too, but I had a root canal done on Wednesday and wasn’t feeling too well. Benny said that Bob told him he’d help us move in if we give him enough notice so he can get off work. I’m feeling really good about our decision to come here. God will take care of us through His children, sleazy salesmen, and some of our friends on the streets. Amazing! All the glory goes to Him!

We have about 25% of our monthly support raised so far. Not bad, but not enough. Keep praying about that for us. I’m not panicked about it. For more information or to join our support team please go to www.teamdrybones.com

I’m really excited about all of the blogs I’ve been reading by people who want to be or already are mission minded. God is doing something big in the hearts of His people and I’m thrilled to be a part of it! How do you feel about being mission minded?

Will Somebody please help me fix my stupid side bar???
Yes I read the blogger help suggestion – I still don’t get it!

My name is Niki and I’m a copycat. The truth is out, so let’s get real. I blog hop every chance I get and sometimes I notice trends and end up jumping on the bandwagon. That’s so not like me, but blogging changes a person :)- My favorites list is 22 names long and though I don’t read all of them every day, I check them all at least once a week. I checked them more when I had broadband (sigh). I’m so bad at this blogging thing (or maybe it’s good) that I’ll get online to post on MY JOURNEY and I never get around to it because I spend my time reading and commenting on other people’s blogs! Does that make me a commentaholic?

Anyway… copying some of my fellow bloggers, here are a few of my very favorites, in no particular order other than this is how my mood strikes right now.

Adam Copeland – He is my Yoda. 🙂 (Thought you’d like that Adam!) Seriously, he is the one who introduced me to blogging, helped me get started and hasn’t stopped encouraging me since. He is one of our youth ministry friends from Texas. We do summer camps with him and he’s become a really good friend. If I only have a few minutes to be online, his is the blog I read first. He is thoughtful, witty, and full of compassion. He is single and I’m constantly keeping myself from playing matchmaker. (Living a few states away helps-haha.) He is one of the people that taught me that age does not equal wisdom. He is younger than me, but I’ve learned so much from him. He is doing great things for the kingdom and he’s a lot of fun!

Mike Cope – I don’t know him personally but I hope to someday. He is a preacher at Highland in Abilene. I first became familiar with him through Wineskin magazine. This man keeps me challenged, thinking, praying, crying, kneeling, and laughing. I’m one of a zillion people that read and comment on his blog. He has created quite a community of blogging believers! I have tremendous respect for this man. I have found several favorite blogs through those who leave comments on Mike’s blog.

Kent Brantly – We moved to Indianapolis in June of 1999. Kent graduated about two seconds later and flew off to Abilene for college. He never taught me how to play euchre for which I’ll never forgive him! 🙂 O.K. maybe sometime before Christ’s return we’ll get another chance. Kent is now a Med student in Indy, but living in Guatemala for a spell learning Spanish. I love to read about all that he is experiencing there. Kent is single too…hmmm…maybe I could matchmake through my blog…hahaha I’m kidding!!! Kent loves the Lord and anyone who meets this handsome young man knows that before long!

Larry James– He is the CEO of Central Dallas Ministries, an organization that works with and for the working poor and homeless of the Dallas area. This man has more conviction and love for those less fortunate in our society and he is not silent about it! I linked to his blog from Mike’s, and my life will never be the same. Larry is a very busy man, but he took the time to answer my questions and encourage me through a long email. (We’ve never met) I read him regularly for a kick to the gut and a pat on the back. He is ministry in motion!

Sandy – Yes I read blogs by women too! 🙂 Sandy found me by accident and ofcourse I had to check her blog out too. I was thrilled to know we have stuff in common. She is a devoted wife and mother of four living in Hawaii. She’s and RN, and in school too. I love her writing style and her refreshing honesty. She loves to post pictures, and her confessions sometimes make me laugh. (because I can relate!) I feel she is a kindred spirit, and I look forward to the mutual encouragement I know we’ll share.

Rich Melheim – A Lutheran pastor from Minnesota that Benny met, actually pursued. He has great ideas about Faith, reaching the lost, and transforming the church. He is on Sabbatical this year here in CO. He’s a talented speaker, writer, and think-tank coordinator! I’m not sure what else to say about him, but definitely check it out! He’s one of many that has lifted us up in our times of discouragement. He gave Benny hope during a low point last year and we’re blessed to call him brother!

There are so many more – Ed, Jeff, Betty, Val, Steve, Andrew, Dana…my list goes on, but my energy doesn’t. It’s now 12:47 a.m. and the baby will be awake in about 5 1/2 hours. See what I mean? I’m addicted. If I hadn’t stopped to read all of these blogs before posting on my own, I’d be asleep by now! Goodnight blogworld, goodnight John Boy, goodnight Mary Ellen, goodnight Jim Bob, and all of you other people out there! 🙂

If you are new to this blog, I’d like to warn you that I’m going through a very trying, struggling phase right now. Sometimes I post funny, goofy stuff, and sometimes I post my heart cries and pain. Not every day is as bad as this one, and no – I’m not depressed. I post about me and my family and our triumphs and struggles. I often ask for prayers because I know that prayer moves the hands of God. I am not afraid to share myself with you if you’re willing to see me. I appreciate you stopping by to hear my thoughts and leave your questions, comments and rebuttals. I gain much encouragement from the blogging world and leave an open invitation for you to join me on my journey! If you’re not into deep painful thoughts today, move on and check back here in a few days. This week I plan to post about the blogs I read, the many things in my life I’m thankful for, and my questions and thoughts about infertility. (Intrigued now aren’t you?)

It’s Sunday morning and once again I am home sick. UGH! I can’t seem to shake this stuff! Max and Zoe are home too. Max is playing and probably should have gone with Benny and Pete, but his cough is still bad. He’s busy taping Buzz, Woody, and Jessie to the floor with masking tape. Should I be worried? 🙂 Zoe is asleep on the floor, but coughing anyway. I’m still praying for healing for the family.

I just finished watching While You Were Sleeping, starring Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. (I just love them .) I love that movie because of it’s clear message about the need for family and a place to belong. Don’t we all want and need that? Some people are willing to go to extreme measures to be a part of a family. And let’s face it…It gives me an excuse to have a good cry. After the week I’ve had, the tears flowed pretty easily.

I pulled a muscle in my leg, but thought it was a nerve so I went to see a chiropractor. He told me that I’m under a lot of stress (duh!) and that it’s going to come out in some form in my body. My L5 disc in my lower back and my C3 & C4 discs in my neck are out of whack. He adjusted me, and told me that I needed to baby my leg until it’s healed a little then he’ll show me some stretches to help strengthen it. He was very nice which is good since I need to see him again Wednesday.

My heart is still breaking for my friends that are contemplating divorce. I wish that I could explain why this is effecting me so much, but I can’t. I just plead for prayers on their behalf. They are making the wrong decision and Benny and I seem to be the only ones telling them so. We love them and want to be supportive and at the same time we want to hold them accountable as fellow believers. We know the details and believe strongly that they can work through this season of marriage, but they don’t want to. I’m at a loss for words. (which doesn’t happen often!) I love them so much!

Here’s the icing on this horrible cake. I may need to draw you a road map to help you navigate through the next paragraph. My biological father, Don, was not a part of my life until I was 20 and about to get married. Over the past 12 years we’ve been getting to know each other and have a pretty good relationship. This isn’t about him. This is about Jack. He was married to my mother before I was born, and he’s the father of my younger brothers. He wasn’t a good Dad for many reasons that I’ll not go into today, but he was the only Dad I knew growing up. He and my mother divorced when I was 12. Since then we’ve only had contact a few times. He did not come to my wedding and he’s never seen my children. Well, he remarried when I was in high school and so did my mom. He married a horrible woman with 5 kids, one of them named Nikki. (you following me so far?) I got a phone call this week telling me that Jack was arrested and is in jail for molesting Nikki’s oldest daughter who is 7. (deep breath)

I don’t know any details, and I’m not entirely sure if it’s true. Jack and Betty were getting divorced and this would be a great way to stick it to him. Yes, they are those kind of people. However, I’m the last person who would make light of sexual abuse. My emotions are on overload. Jack was never inappropriate with me. He tried to be good to me to the best of his ability, which wasn’t much. I have a hard time believing these allegations, but then again I don’t know him. He’s been absent from my life for so long – I don’t know who he is. So why does my heart ache the way it does? There was a time when he was MY Dad.

One of the things that drew me to Christianity was knowing I’d have a Father who would never hurt me, abuse me, or abandon me. Words cannot express how important this is to me. I have learned a lot about my earthly fathers since being covered with Christ’s blood. I have struggled with forgiveness towards both of them, but I have been able to do just that. I love them both.

I have a such a strong desire to get to know my father, Don, and we really do have a great relationship now, but I still feel like an outsider when I’m with his family. He and Shari, my wonderful step-mom, are terrific grandparents and they love Benny like a son. We have a great time when we’re together. Don’s siblings have accepted and welcomed me into their lives as well, and I was even blessed to get to know my Grandmother before she died. Don’s children are a different story. Our time together is awkward. They are friendly with us, but beyond that I have no idea how they feel. We have nothing in common other than we all have children. They do not share our faith and values, so that leaves me feeling odd too. (Dad & Shari do share that with us, and we pray that my siblings will accept God’s gift of salvation.)

I don’t desire a relationship with Jack. I do forgive him, and I really feel sorry for him, but I don’t want to get to know him all over again. I’m just praying that somehow, no matter how this story ends, he will come to know the forgiveness and love that only God gives. I pray also for Nikki and her family. If this is all true, how horrified she must be. I cannot promise I would not severely maim anyone who touched my baby girl inappropriately! I wouldn’t have the chance anyway because Benny would beat me to them! This all leaves me feeling like my heart is in my stomach, which makes me want to throw up! (deep sigh)

I serve an amazing God who works miracles all the time. I know He will hold me close as I sort through all of these emotions and feelings. He’ll show me what to do next, and give me the strength to do it. I am free to run into his waiting, willing arms! He is my true Father!