Sometimes I Write

Three more weeks until Zenith, the summer camp for high schoolers that I’ve been doing for 13 years. I love this camp! It’s a part of me.

I started volunteering at this camp while I was a college student, before I met Benny, and before I ever thought about doing youth ministry. I have watched it evolve over the years as youth ministers came and went, the location was moved, my husband got involved, and my responsibilities changed. I have seen hundreds of teens give their lives to the Lord, and hundreds recommit themselves to walking the walk. I have made friends with men and women that have had such a monumental impact on my life, whether they know it or not. I have agonized over some of the circumstances the teens have shown up at camp with, and counseled many girls about their worth as daughters of the King. I have cried as I saw men of faith fall to temptation and lose their ministries and their families because of it. I have suffered the loss of a woman I loved and worked under, the one who first brought me to this camp. Eight years ago she took her own life one month before camp. I have rejoiced with a man that had struggled in ministry finally being a part of a congregation that loved on him and his family. I have learned so many new songs and offered up so many prayers for the safety and growth of everyone who attends. I have learned valuable lessons from the most organized and detail-oriented man I know. He’d laugh if I ever called him a mentor. I have invited many friends to join me in this servant adventure, and I look forward to the day my children will experience this camp. I hope that I’ve loved and encouraged along the way as I have been by my brothers and sisters that are involved with this camp. May God meet us there once again this year!

As Nicole Nordeman says,

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me
Did I choose to love
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy.

We got in touch with an old youth ministry friend this week. He was excited we had moved to town and asked where we live. When Benny told him, he said something like, “Man, I thought you were coming to do ministry…why are you living up there with all of the white people?” Benny told him that we don’t, we’re among the minority in our neighborhood. I know our friend was just teasing, but the more I’ve thought about his comment, the more disturbed I’ve gotten. (I’m probably taking this way too seriously.)

Denver, or atleast the area we live in, is predominantly Hispanic. I’m not sure why I never knew this, and not that it really matters to me. My sister-in-law is Hispanic and grew up here. I’ve heard her talk about Denver a lot and still this small fact eluded me. I have never been in the minority before and it is a strange, new experience. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with my friend Toine, my African American sister. She and I talked about what it’s like to be one of a few blacks in a predominantly white church. It also reminds me of our conversation with Max when we told him I was pregnant. We asked him what kind of baby he wanted us to have. We meant boy or girl, so we were shocked and laughed when he thought a minute and announced, “A black baby”.

The whole issue of race seems to be coming at me from several sources at once and I’m not sure why. It’s never been a big deal to me…Toine said that’s because I’m white. I’ve always had friends of different races and cultures and I’ve never had issues regarding that. I’m as white as they come, but I rest in the fact that God doesn’t care what color my skin is, yours either. It is strange that the race struggle is still around. I don’t get it, and I don’t like it. After Max’s announcement, we decided to buy him a black baby doll so we could begin teaching him how to care for his baby sister when she arrived (2 birds with 1 stone). I had a really hard time finding any baby dolls of color in the Indianapolis area. I asked a salesperson where I might find one, and she told me I’d have to drive to a certain section of Indy to find anything like that. I was shocked not by what she said, but by HOW she said it.

We get mixed reactions from people when we tell them we want to adopt from overseas. I’ve received much encouragement about it, but I’ve also received harsh criticism about it also. I’ve heard very loving Christian women I know tell me they thought it was a bad idea because my child would be an outsider in our family if their skin was a different color, and that it wouldn’t’ t be fair of me to remove a child from their culture and force them to be raised in a new one. One told me there are plenty of children right here in the U.S. that need adopting if my heart is set on adoption. Some people just don’t know when to shut up. We have thought it through and believe God has that in store for our future, and we are raising our children to know that it’s coming someday.

When we joined Compassion International, Max was so excited about Sabrina, our little girl from Brazil. He kept asking when we were going to get her and bring her home. He was very disappointed when we explained that even though she’s a part of our family now, she has a mommy and daddy already, and maybe someday we would visit her home, but we couldn’t bring her to live with us.

Back to our friend here in Denver. I was frustrated for a few reasons. 1. We live in a mobile home in a park, not a gated community. 2. We’re here to do ministry with anyone God places in our path, black, brown, white, or any other color. 3. The whole subject of race is frustrating to me on so many levels. I hope my Hispanic neighbors give me a chance and don’t just see me as a white girl in the neighborhood. I am raising my children to see people’s hearts and not the color of their skin. I’m thankful God is a God of variety and not everyone is as pasty as me. 🙂

We have internet once again! Yeah! Boy do I have some updating to do on our website!

Life in Denver is good. I’m still a little overwhelmed by everything happening all at once, and I’m not organized at home yet – which is driving me a little crazy, but God is awesome and He is still speaking to my heart and keeping me pretty calm.

One year ago today I was at Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City. Laurie was taking Max and Zoe back to MN for a week long visit and they had a car wreck in Missouri. Laurie and Max were released at the local hospital, but Zoe was air-lifted to K.C. with internal injuries. She had two fractured ribs and a laceration in her liver. I had never been that scared in my whole life. My 19 month old was laying in pain in a hospital bed that closely resembled a cage, and we were helpless. God was there and he gave me enough peace to know that she was going to be o.k., and the nursing staff was fantastic. I believe Zoe was healed before we left the hospital 4 days later. The doctor said it would take months for her little body to heal all the way, but she never complained about any pain after we got home, and I had everyone I know praying for her. I’m am thankful that a year later, I have Max, Zoe, and Laurie, healthy and well.

It’s amazing what can happen in a year! Where were you and what were you doing a year ago? I know my faith has grown tremendously in the past twelve months. God has stretched me and allowed my faith to be tested, and though it hasn’t been fun, I have grown. I’m thankful for that too!

Oh good. You haven’t totally given up on me ever blogging again! I’m still here, though I’ve been swimming in a sea of boxes and tubs and crumpled newspaper and you get the picture. We officially have all of our stuff moved in, and we’re mostly unpacked. We still don’t have the computer hooked up or the internet service ordered. We’re in B.V. for the weekend to have a huge garage sale with my inlaws, and so Benny can build us a headboard for our bed. So far I’ve made enough money with the sale to pay our lot rent for June! Not bad, huh? Getting rid of junk has never been more rewarding! HaHa!

A quick update on the past couple of weeks…

I love our house! God has truly blessed us!

We are at 35% of our needed monthly support. We’ve taken the past two weeks off to get moved and settled, and now I’m starting to feel a little panicky. I am constantly reminding myself that one of God’s names is THE LORD PROVIDES!

We have new cell phones, which I’m excited about because it is our source of long distance calls, and because our old ones were junk. Contracts stink!

My friends are officially divorced now and I’m still sad. Now that all is said and done, I can tell you that it was my best friend Laurie and my brother Lennie. I’m very close to both of them, and plan to stay that way. But, it’s been hard.

We enjoyed worshipping at Lakewood last weekend, and seeing the Wallaces and Goldmans. We even ran into Travis, a guy we haven’t seen since college. What a suprise!

Mother’s Day was o.k.

Hopefully we’ll be online at home again soon. I miss blogging and I didn’t enjoy reading 62 emails in one sitting. I miss reading the insights and humor of my blogging friends.

One more thing…Toine! I’m going to start blocking your emails if you don’t quit sending me forwards!

Please keep checking back, I’ll come up for air again soon…hopefully for good.

12 years ago today I became Mrs. Benny Nowell! I can’t believe it’s been that long. Benny enjoys telling people we married on this date in honor of our Spanish heritage! Somehow my red hair, very pale skin, and blue/green eyes aren’t too convincing.

We will officially be moved into our new home tomorrow. We are so excited! We have been so busy painting and making improvements, and traveling back and forth between Buena Vista and Denver (3 hour drive), that there has been no time to blog. Never fear, our computer will be hooked back up in a few days, and I’ll be back to rambling before you know it. BTW, since I posted that I don’t read email FWD’s, the number I receive has increased! Ugh!

Max update: No night terrors, nightmares, or anything for a couple of weeks!!! YEAH!

See you back here next week, and God bless you all!