Sometimes I Write

Benny and I take turns taking our children on dates. One parent with one child doing something fun together. Today it was my turn with Zoe. We had to be at DIA (Denver International Airport) by 10:30 a.m. to get Cassandra checked in. I was surprised at how many minors fly alone. Cassandra is 16, so traveling alone isn’t really a problem, but there were a lot of younger children being checked in who would be flying with a flight attendant’s extra attention and picked up by an adult at their destination. (Is this normal Jetty Betty?) Because Cassandra is a minor, Zoe and I were able to receive special passes to get us through security and wait at her gate with her until she boarded. It was hard to see her go – I’m so glad she was able to spend the week with us.

So, Zoe had a blast today! DIA is a great place for a Mommy/Zoe date. Everything was a thrill for my almost three year old. She loved riding the escalator, pushing the buttons in the elevator, eating at Burger King, smiling at strangers, playing our family kissing game with Cassandra while we waited for her flight, and most of all, she LOVED riding the train. DIA has an underground tram system that takes you from the main part of the terminal to your concourse. The train has poles you hang on to while standing during the ride except for the very front and back. There is a long seat there and a gentleman gave up his seat so Zoe could sit in the front window of the train. The smile and look on her face during that short trip was priceless. I saw in her eyes the wonder of moving that fast towards an unseen destination. I delighted in her giggle as we passed an artisans work that was lit up by colored lights, and she said, “look mommy! Pretty!”. I held her close as we came to our stop and she looked up at me and said, “Can we go again?”

Zoe is a bundle of energy. She skips instead of walks, spontaneously lets go of my hand so she can twirl around, and all the while is singing a song that only she knows the words to. It’s awesome! I smiled so much today that it made me aware of how little I smile most of the time. I’m going to work on that.

Oh, our family kissing game? I hold her (or her brothers) on my lap with her facing me. She tries to kiss me on the cheek, but I turn my head just in time to catch the kiss on my lips instead. All of our children love this and they laugh and laugh while they try to hold my head in place. I keep taunting them to aim for my cheek, then don’t let them succeed until one of us is ready to quit the game. Thanks to Aunt Laurie for teaching us that one!

“Eat all your vegetables because there are hungry children in China”. Some mothers will say just about anything to get their kids to clean their plates. Well my friends…there are hungry children in Denver tonight, and maybe even in your city too.

Our family and Cassandra had a good time hanging out with our street friends tonight at Shakespeare’s pool hall. It seems that there are new kids there everytime we go. I met some new people and had a few really good conversations. I can’t help but smile when I see Cheeto coming towards me to give me his bear hug. Just his presence puts me at ease.

After pool night was over we walked down to the park where local churches take turns bringing a hot meal for the kids on Thursdays. No one was there. After a phone call to the coordinator, we discovered that somehow the schedule was messed up and there was nobody signed up to bring food tonight. My heart sank as Robbie told everyone there wouldn’t be any food available. I heard several people say, “what are we going to do now?” with disappointment in their voices. For some, that’s the only hot meal they get every week. I was frustrated as I brainstormed with another lady about what to do. It’s not as easy as just calling in a pizza order. There were about 60 people there, and we only had a certain amount of time to be there, not to mention the cost. None of us had cash on us. I found two half full bags of chips in my van and gave them to Desiree along with the juice box from Pete’s diaper bag. She was grateful, but I knew it wasn’t enough. Never in my life have I wished so badly that I was rich. I wish I could have loaded everyone up in a bus and taken them out to eat, then sent them on their way with leftovers for the next day. I wished a lot of things tonight, but none of them made it possible for me to feed my friends that live on the streets. As news spread, they all slowly went their own directions, some to find food, some to fight, some to hang out, and some to find shelter for the night.

My heart still hurts. Please God, be with Desiree, Jen, Angel, Dale, Nicole, Dave, TeeTee, Baby Ty and his parents, and all of my friends downtown. Give them food and shelter tonight. Meet them where they are and reveal yourself to them. Please calm my spirit and show me how to trust you more. Amen.

I’ve decided to put off posting about my wounds for now. I just received the guided journal for Captivating and I’m going to work through that first. If you order it from the ransomed heart ministries website it’s only $12.00 for a limited time. If you wait to buy it at the store, it’s $17.99 retail. Yikes! I’m trying to be a penny pincher, but I’m the one that usually gets pinched.

We brought Cassandra home with us after camp. She’s one of my favorite teens from Wichita and also one of my babysitters. I’m hoping to sneak away with Benny for a few hours before she leaves on Saturday. Anyway, she’s a joy to have around and we’ve kept busy since we got home Tuesday night. After camp we went to the in-laws house to get the kids and visit. We got to do some great tourist stuff with Cassandra, and Mark & Sandy C., friends from Texas that were camping in the area. We spent Monday feeding chipmunks at St. Elmo, an old mining town up on Mt. Princeton, taking pictures at a waterfall rapids that runs alongside of the road, and eating/talking around the campfire that night. It was an unexpected blessing. I’m so thankful for good friends, especially time spent with old ones!

We also spent the night in Wichita on the way home, and saw everyone at church on Sunday. I felt like we’ve been missed, which was awesome. When you move away, you tend to wonder if people wish you had stayed or are glad you’ve moved on. Maybe it’s just my insecurity talking. We spent the night at Hotel Lewis (aka Katherine & family’s house) and had a great visit with them. Kat (another favorite teen) gave up her room for us. You can tell a lot about a teen by their bedroom. I love Kat, so it was neat being surrounded by the things she loves: bright colors, lots of pictures of friends, art projects, awards she’s won, and reminders to herself about who she is in Christ and who she wants to be. Why is it that we lose that as adults? You graduate from college and get married and all of a sudden everything has to match and be color and style coordinated. Why??? The type A in me likes matching, but my spirit longs for color and a bit of spontaneous inspiration just tossed about the room. I refuse to live in the world of beigeianity. If that’s not a word, it should be.

Other news:

Sarah accepted my apology. 🙂 Jetty Betty tagged me and I was unable to complete my task. Sorry Jetty Betty, tag me again sometime. My friend Toine (pronounced Toni) started blogging! YEAH! Check her out at www.antoinettecloud.blogspot.com tell her I sent you. I absolutely loved Batman Begins. Mr. and Mrs. Smith was also good.

Gotta go, we’re headed downtown to pool night at Shakespeare’s. I’ll post more often after Cassandra leaves on Saturday. I feel weird sitting at the computer instead of spending time with her. Have a great day friends!

Due to me finally finishing CAPTIVATING by John & Staci Eldredge, I’ve had a lot on my mind this week. The funny thing is that I haven’t had much time to think about anything else but my responsibilities, and camp related issues. So, my brain is FULL!

What an amazing book! I could spend days blogging about what I’ve read and learned, but then you might not have a reason to pick up the book and read it for yourself. So I’ll try not to ramble on and on. I must admit I dragged my feet and had a hard time getting into the book at first. But once I made up my mind to read it, I couldn’t put it down. I discovered some things about myself that suprised me. There were old wounds inside me that I never knew about or acknowledged were there. Wounds that are so ingrained in my heart, that it hurt to have them brought to the surface. I know it had to happen so Jesus could meet me there and heal me, but it’s been hard. I loved that message from the book. Jesus wants us to let him into those dark places inside that we try not to think about, or the insecure feelings we struggle with. He asks us, “Will you let me heal you here?” Incredible! The God who created the universe cares about the hurts and wounds and messages of my childhood. He cares about the voice inside that whispers my faults and my blessings. He wants me (and you) to know that I am beautiful because I am His. I am worth fighting for. I am a warrior princess – part of a great battle that is taking place not just in the heavenly realms, but right here in my own backyard. He wants to give me my heart back!

Over the next few posts, as part of my own healing process I’m going to share a few of my wounds and how Jesus is bringing healing to me. I don’t mind getting personal and I know my boundaries, so it shouldn’t be too scary. 🙂 One of my y.m. friends was making fun of blogging because people air their dirty laundry on the world wide web. When he made that comment I felt like he was saying it was Jerry Springer for computer geeks. Because he’s my friend I refrained from knocking him off his Denny’s chair. 🙂 I don’t assume that everyone that stops by here shares my faith, but my hope is that if I share it in this way, someone will be touched by it and encouraged. So _______ can have his opinion and he’ll still be my brother.

Camp is officially over. The last day is so hard for me. I hate saying goodbye and you never know which of your friends you’ll never see again. Job changes, church changes, scheduling conflicts, even death interferes with my plans for everyone to be back the next summer. My regrets this year? I didn’t take enough pictures to capture the moments. It was a great week though, and we had a wonderful staff. Have I mentioned how much I love this camp? 250 times? o.k. then…

I love watching Benny with the campers. Sometimes I wonder how his chest contains his heart because it is so big. At lunch he mentioned that out of all the kids that hugged him today, most of them were not the “popular crowd”, but the kids that really identified with his message, which ofcourse was the heart of Dry Bones. Come alongside people, build relationships, then through those relationships others get to see Christ in Action. He’s amazing. He wore black all week and his bald head and long goatee generally make him look like a biker dude, but the love he has for these kids and for our y.m. friends just flows out of him with everything that he is. And he’s my husband. I’m a blessed woman indeed.

One of the things I enjoy every year is meeting the new youth ministers. Alot of the time they are counselors from previous years when they were interns. Adam, Chris, Jarred, Robert, and Brock all started out here that way. It’s awesome to see how God has changed and grown them over the years and to see them make that transition from inexperienced counselor to confident men displaying their leadership skills as youth minsters at their churches. I’m like a proud mother though I view them as friends and brothers – not children! They are changing lives as only they can. God bless them all!

Please pray for Chris and Adam. They both injured their ankles playing basketball yesterday. Adam went to the emergency room – he has a fracture in his foot and will be on crutches for a bit…his body is having a rough summer! (read his blog) Chris has some swelling and pain, but didn’t break anything – praise God. I’m glad their injuries weren’t worse.

We’ll be home in a few days. We miss our kids and can’t wait to pick them up from grandma and grandpa’s house. Oh, and Cassandra, one of our teens from Wichita is coming back to Colorado with us for a week. I’m excited about that too. Have a great weekend!

After finishing my last post I decided to chek out Brock’s blog and not only discovered that we both know and love Kent Brantly, but his new wife Sarah blogs too. (Welcome to our addiction) So I surfed over to read what she has to say, and guess what? She posted about ME a few days ago! (Not very flattering to say the least) So here’s the story:

The other night after supper I walked to the place I had left my golf cart (camp transportation is fun) and it was missing. Benny went looking for it and found it in front of a dorm that isn’t being used by our camp, but Cage camp (basketball). We never did find out if it was a coach or player that took it for a ride. Later on that same night, I came out of worship to go back to the dorm and it was missing again! 2 times in one day was not a good sign. I was afraid Richard would demand I return my golf cart key for my irresponsibility. Just kidding. I got in my van and went looking for it around campus. As I was rounding a corner near the University Center I spotted three people on it on the other end of the parking lot. I sped up and honked to get their attention. They stopped as I reached them with my speech about taking the cart already on my lips, and SUPRISE…it was 2 youth ministers and one of their wives! In my defense, it was already dark outside, there are no lights where I met them, and the driver is not a physically tall man. Ofcourse as soon as I was close enough I recognized them immediately. After trying to explain my worry, and that it was a repeat of earlier in the day, and much teasing about the “new youth ministers”, I went back to the dorm, and they returned the golf cart. It was a funny story until now.

I just read Sarah’s blog and she posted how I had offended her by thinking she was a camper instead of an adult. I’m sure she was very frustrated by the whole thing and I feel terrible, so here’s my apolgy: I AM SO SORRY SARAH! I’ll never do it again! I promise! 🙂 Later that night one of my staff mistook her for a camper also. What a day, huh?