Sometimes I Write

Benny and I were talking about friendship this morning and he told me I need a drinking buddy. lol (For me that means Chai or cherry vanilla Coke.) I told him that my “drinking buddy” lives about 2 1/2 hours from here and yes, a trip to see her was in order. He said he meant someone here in the same town. I told him I didn’t know anyone well enough yet to just call at the spur of the moment like I did in past places we’ve lived and besides, I like the friends I have. There’s already a built in trust there. Would you believe he started quoting scripture at me? I rolled my eyes at him and he said he was serious. Here’s what he paraphrased:

“Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father’s. Then in your time of need, you won’t have to ask your relatives for assistance. It is better to go to a neighbor than to a relative who lives far away.” Proverbs 27:10 NLT

The NIV says it like this: “…better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.” the footnote says “Do not fail a friend in need; when in need rely on friendship rather than on mere family relationships. Brother far away could mean either physically or emotionally.

He said, “It’s the whole community thing Niki. You’re not always going to have someone far away to talk to, and God wants you to make friends right here, get involved, whatever.” We talked for awhile about the importance of community and how hard it is to find or build sometimes. Community is what our family is all about. We believe it is in that context that needs get met, people know they matter, and the love of God is shared. Community is not age-segregated either. The young have things to teach the old and vice versa, so why constantly separate them? Community is something I believe we all long for. A place to fit in, contribute, and be loved. Sadly we have rarely found it in the churches we’ve attended. We had pseudo-community. We contributed and we were loved (by some), but we never quite fit in. Maybe that’s because as a paid staff member you’re not treated normally by the congregation. It’s very different than choosing to attend a church just because. There are expectations launched from every side, you have to “earn your keep” so to speak. With some there is this invisible barrier erected between the ministers and the rest of the flock. It can be placed there by either party, but it’s there. I have been guilty of that myself. Or maybe we didn’t fit in because we’re weird. Or maybe because we were there to challenge the status quo and that always makes people uncomfortable. Evidently we don’t do “high church” very well. But, everywhere we’ve lived we had a few families that were really family to us too. I believe God placed them in our lives and they were and continue to be huge blessings to us.

Community isn’t, or shouldn’t be about what you wear, what you look like, what you have pierced or tattooed, which version of the bible you prefer, if you sit in the front or the back, being in the same tax bracket, etc. Community is and should be who you are, what you proclaim, how you love, and how you serve – together. Community to me is a bunch of people of various ages and interests coming together to form a group that is really extended family. Worshipping together, attending soccer games and choir concerts of the kids in the family, celebrating special occasions together, taking a genuine interest in each other’s lives. Not just coming to a building once or twice a week to meet together, do your thing, and going your separate ways until the next time the doors are open. It’s hard! We’re all so busy.

How does this tie all together? I have no trouble making new friends. My problem is at this time in my life, I don’t want surface friendships with women I’m only going to see on Sundays. I want to be part of a real community. If I can’t find it, I’ll create it. There are two friends from college here in Denver that I’d like to get to know all over again. I have a few youth ministry friends here as well. My mentor friend Linda (my drinking buddy) lives in Buena Vista, but it’s not too far away to visit her. I never want to let go of my friends that are far away, and I hope our relationships continue to grow as we do, but it is time to put down some roots and make some friends here, and not depend on my far away friends so much when I’m lonely and need “girltime” or “momtime”. I’m going to bloom where I’ve been planted! To do that, I have to tend to my garden here, cultivate my face to face friendships, and please, no fertilizer jokes! 🙂

Father, I am tremendously blessed with a great group of men and women to call friends! Thank you Lord for this gift in my life. Help me to be the encouragement and light that you want me to be, and please lead me to my new friends here in Denver. I place my trust in you alone. Amen.

I’ve been debating whether or not I should blog about this. First I decided no because it’s an emotional and touchy subject for me, and because looking back at my last few posts I noticed they haven’t been very uplifting. Secondly, I seem to have zero blogging etiquette and don’t know if there are things you just shouldn’t be sharing about in cyberspace. How personal is too personal? My personal space is pretty wide and deep. It’s actually a defense mechanism I learned at a very young age, and it works for me. Lay it on the line, stare it in the face, dissect it, accept, reject it, or chew on it for awhile and move on. From another angle it looks like this: be transparent, always let them know what you think and how you feel, honesty with others AND self is the best policy for survival and the path of least pain. Even with my husband there was no gradual getting to know the deep and personal stuff. I told him EVERYTHING on the first date. I figured if it scared him off then he wasn’t the guy for me. Thank God it worked out! lol

In a way it’s strange that I feel the need to pre-qualify a post with you, my blogging friends. You keep coming back here despite my silliness, imperfections, and growing pains. Is it possible these are the things that bind us together as friends? We are all on a journey. I’m so relieved to know that we don’t all stumble on the road at the same time. I have appreciated your comments, support and prayers over everything I’ve posted about so far which is why I’m willing to lay my heart out in the open with you today. Please don’t think all of my future posts will have this serious nature. Not everything effects me like this subject…

The day after we got home from camp this week I received a letter in the mail. WE (whole family) have been turned down for our health insurance policy that we applied for because of MY weight. Yes, that’s what the letter said. I am so humiliated! I am extremely overweight, I know, but I’m also very healthy (I’m not making excuses). Other than 3 c-sections in the last six years, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve needed ANY medical attention since I gained all of this weight. My cholesterol and blood pressure are normal which surprises people sometimes. My heart is healthy. My body is fine other than carrying around an extra 100 pounds or so. I know this weight can cause problems in the future, so I’m working on it.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life, even though I haven’t always been fat. I was athletic throughout childhood and on into college. I played fastpitch softball on and off from 7th grade until junior year at York. I played soccer on and off from the age of 9 until Freshmen year at York when I was injured and quit the team. I still have killer calve muscles, but the rest of me has gone downhill. When I stopped playing sports, the weight came on quickly as it was accompanied by depression following the break up of my life – the guy I thought I was supposed to marry dumped me. My mother has battled anorexia and bulimia, and has been very conscious of my weight for me. I think her struggle with weight became my struggle too, though I dealt with it differently. She would tell me about all of the latest diets, even buying some and mailing them to me. Before you think her cruel, like I did for awhile, she really was trying to help the only way she knew how. I’m glad I came to terms with that.

If you are female you know my pain. I have NEVER met a woman who didn’t struggle, or atleast worry about her weight. Our society treats overweight women horribly so it’s a fear for most girls/women to gain any extra pounds. Don’t believe me? Check out some statistics concerning the number of girls and women across the country who are in treatment programs for the conditions I mentioned, trying to get their lives back or just trying to survive. Or how about the women who exercise themselves to death not to be healthy, but to fit an image put up for us all to mimic. Mrs. Perfect body is on every magazine cover in every store you enter. Until recently even stores that sell plus size clothing used skinny models! Not only are women expected to fit the size, men see these same ads and expect us to also. Weight is an issue for men too, I’m not trying to say if you’re male you’re a pig for thinking us women have to be skinny supermodel types. As a matter of fact, every male in my life treats me GREAT regardless of my size. I’m just saying it’s a problem.

Our nation as a whole has a weight problem that is growing faster than ever. And I’m part of it. There is no good excuse for obesity. There are many causes and reasons, both emotional and health wise, but no good excuses. I have many overweight friends and we agonize over the problem together everytime we ask for prayers and support, and even when we don’t talk about it at all. It makes me angry to hear a woman complain about the extra 5-10 pounds of baby fat she hasn’t lost yet 2 months after the baby is born while I have tried every diet on the planet in the past 12 years and failed. I’ve been on the weight loss rollercoaster forever and I’m SOOOOOO ready to get off!

Now for the Hope part: I may have found a solution! My friend Laurie read a book last year called The Insulin Resistant Diet, by Cheryle R. Hart, M.D. and Mary Kay Grossman, R.D.. When she called me to tell me about it, we did the self-test together over the phone. The book said having three or more symptoms meant you probably are insulin resistant, and I had 14! (For you moms out there, I never had gestational diabetes or any problems with my glucose tests when pregnant) I was shocked because I had never even heard of it before. I was also skeptical – remember I’m the queen of diet failures. Well, I borrowed the book from her and never read it. I wanted to see if it made a difference in her first. (don’t call me a chicken!:)) She finally asked for it back because I had it for so long. Laurie began the eating plan called the link and balance eating method this past November. As of today, she has lost 101 pounds, and she looks and feels great! (since November!!!) Well, she mailed the book to me again and I’m finally reading it. It makes a lot of sense to me and I’m beginning to follow the plan myself.

Here’s where YOU come in. I can’t do this alone. I am begging for your prayers and encouragement during this difficult (but not impossible) transition time. It’s not easy changing eating habits, but I know I can do it. I want to do it. I need to do it. The more people who know about it, the more accountability I have in my mind. You don’t have to start leaving me comments about it, though you can if you want to, I just want you to think positive thoughts for me and talk to God about me and my struggle. Pray for my faith, courage, and most importantly my perseverance. This comes in the middle of a summer full of challenges, attacks from Satan, and tremendous blessings from the Lord. I know I can do this with the strength that comes from Him.

I feel a little embarrassed about my guy friends reading this. Women do not talk to men about this issue because of embarrassment, shame, and fear. Let me just say one of the reasons I love you like brothers (you know who you are) is you love me like a sister and treat me like one. You never treat me like I’m less because of my weight and even when you do tease me about stuff, you protect my feelings. You’ll never know just how much that means to me. Even if this whole post makes you uncomfortable, I know I can count on you for prayers too.

I’ll give updates now and then as to how things are going, but I’ll try to be a little more light-hearted with my posts. This has been exhausting creating this one. Thanks for reading it. We have applied with a different insurance carrier so we’ll see what happens next.

To add to my prayer list from yesterday, Benny is sick. He went to bed when the kids did, so I’ve been catching up on my blog reading.

I love reading about other moms and their adventures with their own kids. I love reading all of my favorites as listed in my new blogroll. I love checking out new blogs that I know I had a hand in getting started. I love laughing at the antics of my friends, the ones I actually know from outside of blogland. I love pointing you in the direction of the blogs that have been and are life changing for me.

Tonight I’m sending you to Larry James. I’ve posted about this amazing man before and I’ll probably do so again in the future. Playing catch up on his blog is HARD. Many tears, much hope, and sighs of understanding await me when I visit. Check him out!

www.larryjamesurbandaily.blogspot.com

My stepdad, Virgil. He recently found out he has a condition with his eyes that can cause blindness. I can’t pronounce it right now, but my prayer is for peace while he awaits more information about possible treatment options. He’s very depressed.

My brothers’ dad, Jack. We are hoping he’ll be released from jail soon because of new evidence in his case. My understanding is that DNA testing has proved he was not the perpetrator in the crime. I hope it’s true.

My friend Angi as she continues to greive her husband Kyle’s death, and move on with her life.

My friend Chris and his youth group as they travel to Mexico tomorrow for their mission trip. They are headed to an area that was hit by the hurricane. Please pray for safety and that they will be an incredible blesing to the people there.

My friend Adam as he goes on his Trek with his youth group. He’s the one with a broken bone in his foot. Pray for complete healing and a successful climb.

All of my y.m. friends that still have mission trips, vbs, and vacations planned this summer. Pray that God will use them to minister to hurting people and be Jesus to them. Pray also that their own lives will be touched in unplanned and amazing ways.

President Bush and the others leading our country. You don’t have to like that he’s president if you don’t want to, but you have to accept that he is and that he needs our prayers!

Dry Bones and the kids that are on the streets tonight. Also for our support raising efforts.

I swear sometimes I need that shirt that says,
“Help! I’m talking and I can’t shut up!”

We spent a few days with friends in Wichita after camp. I got to sneak away for a bit and hit the bookstore by myself. (one of my favorite things to do) Well, there I was in a Family Christian Store, buying thank you cards and happily chatting with the salesgirl. A woman walks up with a book in her hand and interrupts us. (Strike 1) Her book was something about wizards, hobbits, and something else. I couldn’t read the title, but it looked cool. She asked the salesgirl, who I’ll call Amy – since I don’t remember her name, “Have you read this? I’m wondering if it’s for or against Harry Potter?” I said, “I hope it’s for it, I love those books” at the exact time she said, “I sure hope it’s against it!” Uh oh. If you know me, you know that I couldn’t resist the temptation to press the issue, not that the woman gave me a choice. She gave me a dirty look and started lecturing me on the dangers of witchcraft and sorcery. (Strike 2) Amy started looking really uncomfortable and I did my best to keep a poker face and plaster on a smile. I asked her if she had read any of the books or seen the movies. No. I told her it might be a good idea to have all of the facts before judging a book by it’s cover, or me by my choice of entertainment. She just kept challenging me! Man, Satan knows my weaknesses and he was hammering me! I found myself arguing with this woman over something that wasn’t going to be solved in a friendly manner if she didn’t back off. We bantered back and forth obviously thinking the other’s argument weak even though we both had valid points. Amy even chimed in here and there trying to calm this woman down who obviously had labeled me as hellbound by this time. Then angry woman told me that the world is full of darkness that I must be blind to and if I condone magic, I’m leading people to Satan. (Strike 3) I calmly (atleast on the outside) looked her in the eye and told her something like, “Ma’am, I’m a minister’s wife, I’ve been in youth ministry for 12 years, I work with homeless street kids in downtown Denver, I know about darkness. I’m surrounded by it. I would hope that as a BELIEVER (emphasis added) when you disagree with another BELIEVER on any issue you would do it in love and not be rude and nasty like you are right now. We are obviously not going to agree to adopt each other’s point of view, so let’s just end this now.” (Breathe Niki) She suggested I read Neil Anderson’s book Victory Over Darkness, and me being the dummy I am ALMOST suggested that she read Harry Potter. I guess I had a little bit of self control left in me after being so wound up!

I left the store after a bit more friendly talk with Amy, and went to my van to sulk. Satan had won that little battle. Even though I refrained from being a complete idiot, I had let myself be dragged into a losing, pointless argument. And for what? Just to argue? Why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut and let her say her piece without having to throw my opinion into the ring? She was the one who looked like a lunatic to Amy and the other salesman, but I was the one who kept it going by not shutting up and putting an end to the conversation. Why is it that even if people don’t agree with me I want them to atleast understand my point of view? Is that a pride issue or what? Why was I so bothered by her? Probably because I’m so tired of Christians taking a stand on things they know very little about because it’s the “thing to do”. I’m tired of the finger pointing, name calling, and judging done by “well meaning believers” in the name of Jesus. I’m tired of people like angry woman thinking it’s o.k. to bash other believers when they view things differently. I don’t want to be like that.

I have learned to look into stories whether they be books or movies, and find the spiriual truths that await me there. If you go looking for the bad, you’re bound to find it. I prefer to look for the good. I used to be indifferent to the Harry Potter phenomenon. I LOVED Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia. I read a book by Connie Neal, What’s a Christian to do with Harry Potter?, (it’s neither for or against though you know the author’s stance by the end) and saw the movies, and now I love those stories too. I just bought her latest book, The Gospel According to Harry Potter, and I’ve enjoyed talking about it with a few friends who don’t look for Truth in books and movies. Guess what? They will now. So, if you disagree with me, please pray for me and love me for the forgiven sinner that I am. If you agree with me, pray for me anyway that I’ll be wiser the next time I encounter angry woman or those of her kind. Either way, I welcome your comments. And please people…know what you believe and why so you’ll be prepared to defend, teach, or keep quiet when the time comes. I’m still friends with several people who are on the opposite side of this issue. We agree to disagree. It’s o.k. I’m o.k. (Deep breath Niki)