Sometimes I Write

Due to me finally finishing CAPTIVATING by John & Staci Eldredge, I’ve had a lot on my mind this week. The funny thing is that I haven’t had much time to think about anything else but my responsibilities, and camp related issues. So, my brain is FULL!

What an amazing book! I could spend days blogging about what I’ve read and learned, but then you might not have a reason to pick up the book and read it for yourself. So I’ll try not to ramble on and on. I must admit I dragged my feet and had a hard time getting into the book at first. But once I made up my mind to read it, I couldn’t put it down. I discovered some things about myself that suprised me. There were old wounds inside me that I never knew about or acknowledged were there. Wounds that are so ingrained in my heart, that it hurt to have them brought to the surface. I know it had to happen so Jesus could meet me there and heal me, but it’s been hard. I loved that message from the book. Jesus wants us to let him into those dark places inside that we try not to think about, or the insecure feelings we struggle with. He asks us, “Will you let me heal you here?” Incredible! The God who created the universe cares about the hurts and wounds and messages of my childhood. He cares about the voice inside that whispers my faults and my blessings. He wants me (and you) to know that I am beautiful because I am His. I am worth fighting for. I am a warrior princess – part of a great battle that is taking place not just in the heavenly realms, but right here in my own backyard. He wants to give me my heart back!

Over the next few posts, as part of my own healing process I’m going to share a few of my wounds and how Jesus is bringing healing to me. I don’t mind getting personal and I know my boundaries, so it shouldn’t be too scary. 🙂 One of my y.m. friends was making fun of blogging because people air their dirty laundry on the world wide web. When he made that comment I felt like he was saying it was Jerry Springer for computer geeks. Because he’s my friend I refrained from knocking him off his Denny’s chair. 🙂 I don’t assume that everyone that stops by here shares my faith, but my hope is that if I share it in this way, someone will be touched by it and encouraged. So _______ can have his opinion and he’ll still be my brother.

Camp is officially over. The last day is so hard for me. I hate saying goodbye and you never know which of your friends you’ll never see again. Job changes, church changes, scheduling conflicts, even death interferes with my plans for everyone to be back the next summer. My regrets this year? I didn’t take enough pictures to capture the moments. It was a great week though, and we had a wonderful staff. Have I mentioned how much I love this camp? 250 times? o.k. then…

I love watching Benny with the campers. Sometimes I wonder how his chest contains his heart because it is so big. At lunch he mentioned that out of all the kids that hugged him today, most of them were not the “popular crowd”, but the kids that really identified with his message, which ofcourse was the heart of Dry Bones. Come alongside people, build relationships, then through those relationships others get to see Christ in Action. He’s amazing. He wore black all week and his bald head and long goatee generally make him look like a biker dude, but the love he has for these kids and for our y.m. friends just flows out of him with everything that he is. And he’s my husband. I’m a blessed woman indeed.

One of the things I enjoy every year is meeting the new youth ministers. Alot of the time they are counselors from previous years when they were interns. Adam, Chris, Jarred, Robert, and Brock all started out here that way. It’s awesome to see how God has changed and grown them over the years and to see them make that transition from inexperienced counselor to confident men displaying their leadership skills as youth minsters at their churches. I’m like a proud mother though I view them as friends and brothers – not children! They are changing lives as only they can. God bless them all!

Please pray for Chris and Adam. They both injured their ankles playing basketball yesterday. Adam went to the emergency room – he has a fracture in his foot and will be on crutches for a bit…his body is having a rough summer! (read his blog) Chris has some swelling and pain, but didn’t break anything – praise God. I’m glad their injuries weren’t worse.

We’ll be home in a few days. We miss our kids and can’t wait to pick them up from grandma and grandpa’s house. Oh, and Cassandra, one of our teens from Wichita is coming back to Colorado with us for a week. I’m excited about that too. Have a great weekend!

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After finishing my last post I decided to chek out Brock’s blog and not only discovered that we both know and love Kent Brantly, but his new wife Sarah blogs too. (Welcome to our addiction) So I surfed over to read what she has to say, and guess what? She posted about ME a few days ago! (Not very flattering to say the least) So here’s the story:

The other night after supper I walked to the place I had left my golf cart (camp transportation is fun) and it was missing. Benny went looking for it and found it in front of a dorm that isn’t being used by our camp, but Cage camp (basketball). We never did find out if it was a coach or player that took it for a ride. Later on that same night, I came out of worship to go back to the dorm and it was missing again! 2 times in one day was not a good sign. I was afraid Richard would demand I return my golf cart key for my irresponsibility. Just kidding. I got in my van and went looking for it around campus. As I was rounding a corner near the University Center I spotted three people on it on the other end of the parking lot. I sped up and honked to get their attention. They stopped as I reached them with my speech about taking the cart already on my lips, and SUPRISE…it was 2 youth ministers and one of their wives! In my defense, it was already dark outside, there are no lights where I met them, and the driver is not a physically tall man. Ofcourse as soon as I was close enough I recognized them immediately. After trying to explain my worry, and that it was a repeat of earlier in the day, and much teasing about the “new youth ministers”, I went back to the dorm, and they returned the golf cart. It was a funny story until now.

I just read Sarah’s blog and she posted how I had offended her by thinking she was a camper instead of an adult. I’m sure she was very frustrated by the whole thing and I feel terrible, so here’s my apolgy: I AM SO SORRY SARAH! I’ll never do it again! I promise! 🙂 Later that night one of my staff mistook her for a camper also. What a day, huh?

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Hi! Camp is going great. I was suprised to have access to a computer. These things aren’t ususally allowed. It helps to have connections! 🙂

As usual, I’m in my element here. Little sleep, so-so cafeteria food, 500 teenagers, my youth ministry family, my own key to the golf cart, new friends, opportunities to share God’s amazing love, and talking about Dry Bones. What can I say? I love it!

Before the grandparents picked up the kids for the week, Zoe and I were cuddling on the couch. She took my face in her little hands, gazed into my eyes and said, “I won’t forget you mommy”. I laughed, so she kept saying it and we just hugged and giggled. I love my kids and I know they’re having a great time this week too. I have to admit it’s nice having a bit of a break. When I can step away from the daily routine for this week every year, I’m a much better parent when I return home.

*My favorite blogging buddy is here too…an extra bonus! 🙂
Have a great week!

P.S. Angi LOVED the quilt. Many tears…I was so happy!

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My college roommate, Michelle Wynne, has been here since Monday night so things have been busy. We’ve been playing tourist, and we took her to pool hall night for Dry Bones tonight. It was good to give her a glimpse of what God has called us into. She’s leaving in the morning for the next stretch of her 5 week road trip. It has been fun having her here. We even looked up a few college friends that live in the area and got reacquainted. It was good to see them too.

We leave in the morning for Zenith, so I ask for prayers during our travel and for our kids who will be with Benny’s parents for the week.

Happy Father’s Day to all of you Dad’s out there! I hope you are honored in the most loving ways possible.

A special Father’s Day greeting to the greatest Popa in the world…My husband! I love you Benny!

Adios mi amigos!

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If you’ve been reading here for awhile, you may remember my posts about our good friends Kyle and Angi from Indiana. Last October they were on their way to Kyle’s sister’s house and were involved in a horrible accident that killed Kyle and left Angi with multiple injuries. I flew out to Indy to be with her for the funeral and a few extra days. When I returned home, I brought back several of Kyle’s favorite t-shirts to make Angi a memory quilt.

Angi had really liked the quilt I had made (with much help from my mom when she visited) for our king size bed. We had been lugging around t-shirts for 10 years and I decided it was time to make the quilt or get rid of the shirts. When we had finished it, I had said I would never make another one again because it was too hard. But while I was at Angi’s house the idea came to me that my making the quilt for her would be a great way to honor Kyle’s memory and a lovely, personal expression of my love for her. So I asked her to help me go through his shirts and pick out their favorites. I was feeling pretty sure of myself and told her I’d try to have it finished by Christmas. HA! That’s when God started stirring all of this Dry Bones stuff around, and life took on a new meaning of fast and furious.

Well…it is finally finished and I love it. I hope Angi does too. It is really a special quilt to me. I can’t give the details away just yet because Angi reads this and I want the final results to be a surprise. She is coming to Zenith next week, something she and Kyle had done together a couple of years ago. (That shirt is in the quilt.) I’m going to give it to her before camp starts so we can get the tearfest out of the way before everyone else arrives. I promise to post a picture of it when I get back from camp. I can say that it is special because it was the very first thing sewn on my new sewing machine that I got for my birthday last year from my MIL. (I told you I’m a procrastinator) It is special because I designed and created it just for Angi. It is special because I made it with my own two hands and my heart. It is special because it bears many of my tears, and no, I’m not washing it first…because I think it still carries a bit of his smell, at least the smell of their laundry soap, and that is all part of the memories.

Please keep Angi in your prayers next week. The last day of camp would have been their fourth anniversary and it’s going to be a hard day for her. I’m glad that I’ll be there to hug her and cry with her, just like I was the day we buried him. I miss Kyle a lot. I think he’d be thrilled with the quilt. I can only imagine…

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