Sometimes I Write

I am a richly blessed woman. Ofcourse you already knew that if you read my last post! 😉 Today I am counting my blessings and there are SOOOO many!

Let me start again with Benny. This week’s BSF lesson was on Genesis 24. You may have read the story yourself. One of the great love stories of the Old Testament. It has probably been the easiest lesson for me yet since I know the story of Isaac and Rebekah so well. You see, Benny proposed to me 14 years ago with this story. He showed up at choir rehearsal one day with a rose. Not too unusual, but he had a look in his eyes that told me something was up. After class, our director moved the piano and left the bench, then called me down to sit on it. Benny got up and began telling the story of Gen. 24, how Abraham’s servant traveled to find Isaac a wife. He talked about the sign the servant asked for and how God answered his prayers when Rebekah came on the scene. (Nice paraphrase, huh?) Long story short, Benny shared a little bit about our relationship, then produced a ring. He got down on one knee and said, “There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to ask the little question…Niki, Will you water my camels?” Everyone laughed, I cried, along with several of my girlfriends. He is creative and funny, and can always keep me guessing. He is my biggest blessing in life!

Petey went back to Dr. Brian on Tuesday. Many of you have prayed with me and cried with me over this poor little guy’s allergies and what they have done to his body. After a year of chiropractic care and only 3 months of seeing Dr. Brian for allergy desensitization, Pete is free and clear of his food allergies. He tested fine for ALL of them! His 2 year old body is no longer itchy and blotched up with welts. He does have some scarring on his neck that we hope will heal over time, but I am so THRILLED to report that he looks great, and his whole disposition has changed. He’s a happy, goofy little boy and there just aren’t enough words to convey the thankfulness I’m feeling for everyone who has helped us through this valley! Now we have to retrain Max and Zoe to stop policing everyone (including me) when they try to give Petey snacks and food. (What’s in that? Is he allergic? I don’t think he can have that…are you sure he can have that mommy?)

I have had a relationship in my life that has been difficult and pretty toxic to me since I was a child. There have been new struggles thrown in over the past year and I think I even blogged about it once. Anyway, I am finally finding peace about cutting this relationship out of my life. I have always felt an obligation to keep this person in my life – just barely by a thread, but there none the less. I have tried to pursue a positive relationship with this person and gotten no response. It has been a burden and heartache to me not knowing what to do even when everyone else was telling me what they thought I should do. I think I felt obligated (with the help of other family members who played the Christian card on me) because I am a believer and the other person is not. The whole, ” I need to set the example” bit. The more I have sought wise counsel and prayed about this struggle, the more it has been revealed to me that there is no reason at all to keep this person in my life. So I am taking steps to get a little closure on this matter. It is what is best for me, my husband, and my children. I hope everyone else involved will be understanding, but even if they aren’t…I’m o.k. with that. Satan has used this person against me long enough, and I believe God wants more than that for me, and for the other person. I am so thankful for the resolution of this stress in my life, and I pray that God takes a hold of this person and draws them in. I pray He transforms them into something wonderful. I have cried out to God on behalf of this person, and even more for myself and my role in this relationship. What better blessing is there than knowing God hears you and takes the time to stretch and grow you as He answers your prayers?

“GOD, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction….you revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life…”

From Psalm 23, The Message

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I lean towards protesting Valentine’s Day only because I am married to a romantic man who is insulted that the media and women everywhere feel the need to “help” men out when it comes to gift giving and being romantic – one day a year. It is staged, commercialized, and expected. I get flowers when I least expect it, so I feel sorry for those who get them only on February 14th or their anniversary. Every once in awhile Benny brings home a few Lindor truffles – milk chocolate, my favorite. It’s not something he’s planned for weeks, or rushed out to get me so he won’t be in trouble for not keeping up with the Jones’s. It’s his way of letting me know he loves me and he appreciates all that I do for him and our children. People gave him grief when he gave me a vacuum cleaner one holiday. Evidently some would take that as an insult. However, that’s what I wanted…a new vacuum cleaner….and he delivered! What a guy! He’s been known to bring me a chai freeze on a hot summer day, nuzzle my neck while I’m doing dishes, and watch a chick flick with me without too much complaining. He knows what I like, and he doesn’t wait until the “expected days” of the year to lavish his gifts on me. So, though pink is my favorite color, I look forward to the day I’m not blinded by the red and pink sea of teddy bears as I walk into WalMart and every other store I shop at. Wait, that will be Wednesday, the 15th, when the stores will be transformed into everything green for a few weeks, then it’s pastels and peeps time to shine.

Before you dub me the Valentine scrooge, let me tell you that the kids and I mailed chocolate to the grandparents, and Krispy Kreme valentines to the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. We’re spreading the love too…I’m a walking contradiction!

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When I was in middle school I started a notebook with all of my favorite song lyrics in it. We only had records and cassette tapes at the time, so I’d have to play, listen, pause, write, then repeat until I had the whole song written out. I was obsessed. I wanted so badly to be a songwriter so I became a poet. I was the proud author of many cheesy, bad, but rhyming poems. They were mostly about boys (ofcourse) and life in a dysfunctional home. There were a few times I wrote something good, but then I couldn’t put music to it. I could write, and I could sing, but the two just wouldn’t join together into beautiful melodies that people would want to pay to listen to. I couldn’t understand how music could be so important to me yet God wouldn’t make me a star. 🙂

Many years have passed and I still can’t seem to marry the two talents. The difference is that I no longer feel the need to. I can sing almost anything, and I still love to write, but I don’t have to be able to do them both at the same time. I know the talents God has given me, and though I won’t be winning a Grammy anytime soon, God has blessed my music just the same. I learned a painful lesson in college – Any noise that comes out of our mouths in praise to the Lord is a joyful one to Him. Perfect pitch and being able to harmonize are great, but God doesn’t care as long as I’m giving HIM my best.

God continues to use music to speak to me, and it is my favorite way to speak to Him. Have you ever heard a song and been so choked up by the words or the flow of the music that you had to stop what you were doing just to regain your composure? That happens to me all the time. Because I have a musical heart, that is how I most easily hear God speak to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a struggle in my life and then I hear a song that “seems” to be my answer for what I should do next, or just one that says how much He adores me even when ugly sin has won again. He wants to rescue me and save me from Satan, and even from myself. He never gives up on me. Then there are the songs that kick me in the butt just when I need it and I’m shocked at how blatant the message is. I know God meant for me to hear it, and those stop me in my tracks too. Sometimes I struggle against what He’s trying to tell me, and sometimes I fall down with a repentant heart. He knows I’m listening.

A few days ago one of “those” songs came on the radio while I was driving. I probably should have pulled over because I was in tears in about 2 seconds flat. It was a Holy Spirit moment and once again I thanked God for speaking to me through such talented women. I wish you were here with me so I could sing it to you. I learned all of the words today after I bought the CD. Maybe I need to start another notebook of my favorite lyrics…

I Need You To Love Me
By Barlow Girl

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it’s here I see the truth
I don’t deserve You

Chorus
But I need You to love me, and I
I won’t keep my heart from You this time
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
‘Cause You’re a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

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When you have a newborn baby, functioning with a lack of sleep is the most difficult part of your day, which is ofcourse ALL day…and night. When the baby becomes mobile you sleep a little more, but expend much energy on babyproofing, correcting, leading, and guiding the little guy. When they reach toddlerhood, they wear you out with endless questions, testing of boundaries, and ofcourse potty training. Then baby #2 comes along and you begin the process all over again until baby #3 arrives 14 months later. O.K., so this is MY story. At the rate we were going I think if we had gotten pregnant again, Pete and baby #4 would have been like 10 months apart or something like that. I have to say that at this point of my life, I’m thankful baby #4 is probably going to be approaching toddlerhood by the time she becomes a Nowell. My kids are wearing me out. I love them anyway, but I am tired!

We are trying to adjust to a new family schedule and so far, I’m losing. Our mornings are filled to the brim with activities and I have to remind myself that I CHOSE this. I am the one that sets the schedule. The schedule is fine, it’s the adjusting to it that’s the hard part. Getting into a routine always is. Mornings are chiropractor appointments, staff meetings, BSF, going to the gym 3x/week, and homeschooling. (Not all on the same day!) That leaves afternoons to fit in naps, finishing up school, housecleaning, computer work (and play), fieldtrips, doctor appointments, reading, etc. Then Benny comes home and we hang out at night. No, not just lazing around, but grocery shopping, family projects, entertaining friends over dinner, and sometimes watching movies. How does anyone have time to watch T.V.??? Thank God for the DVR so we can see our shows on the weekends. Have I mentioned that I’m tired? We need a few nights of just lazing around!

Our workouts are going great. I’m sore, but it’s a good sore. I’m becoming acquainted with muscles I forgot I had. They’ve been buried since the day I quit playing sports in college and started packing on the pounds. Three children have contributed to the fluff, and they’ve had a nice soft mommy to snuggle with until now. After only a few weeks of the gym, my legs are getting rock hard again, and I’m shedding the fluff. I have calf muscles most men would kill for so I’m concerned about them getting any bigger, but with Benny as my coach, I’m not too worried. He’s been doing this longer than I have and he knows what he’s doing. My one whining complaint is this: IT’S NOT FAIR THAT MEN LOSE WEIGHT FASTER THAN WOMEN!!! There, now that I got that off my chest…I lost 9 pounds in January. Benny lost A LOT more. I really need to quit comparing myself with him cause I’m never going to lose faster than him with us both working out. 🙂

I’m happy that our family has made so many positive changes since moving to Denver. We are all getting healthier and stronger, and learning a lot about ourselves and each other. God is working miracles in our lives. I’m decluttering like a mad woman and the extra room we have is filled with peace. I love it! It’s hard to give away and throw out “stuff” that I’ve been clinging to for years. I’ve been very convicted about not storing up my treasures here on earth, though I know there is nothing wrong with having stuff. It’s when that stuff begins to rob me of my joy because I’m too busy cleaning it, shuffling it, and daydreaming about the day I can trade it all in for new stuff that it becomes a problem. It’s kind of nice to reach the breaking point and move on. I’ve shed atleast a quarter of our stuff and it feels GREAT! And guess what? Nobody misses it! Go figure. I’m tired of living in the “but I may need this someday and I don’t want to waste the money buying it again” stage.

Our lives fill up so quickly and busyness becomes the norm. I hate that. Newborn busyness is hard, so is 3 kids while homeschooling and balancing the rest of our lives busyness. It’s a good thing I’m not alone in this craziness.

Wow! Talk about boring blogs Adam…you just sat through more ramblings than I intended. It’s a good thing I only post about 1/2 % of what actually goes through my head. I’ll try again later…

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Yesterday was payday, that alone is reason enough to celebrate, don’t you think? 🙂

Pete went back to Dr. Brian on Tuesday to be retested for his food allergies. ALL but 2 have cleared up! YEAH! He is still testing sensitive to all dairy and nuts. Sensitive…that’s putting it mildly! We had him desensitized again and we go back on Valentine’s Day to be retested. I say we, because I also tested sensitive to nuts. I’m not the patient, but Dr. Brian tested me anyway. That man is amazing, and generous, and friendly, and godly, and well – he’s a great guy! I am so thankful to have come this far in just a year. Pete is a different child when he’s healthy. He’s energetic, and happy, and funny!

We were shopping lastnight and Max was tagging along with me. I saw a great tunic style shirt that was green with some scrollwork on it. I said, “Max, don’t you think this is cute? Wouldn’t this look good on mommy?” He rolled his eyes at me and said, “It looks like lettuce!”

Benny and I were talking about how lucky one of my friends is because her sister is her dentist. Benny yelled to Max, “Hey Max, do you want to be a dentist?” Just then Zoe came into the room. “Zoe, how would you like to be a dentist? Or how about a surgeon? You could cut people open and fix their guts and stuff”. She made a yucky face and said, “Yeeew!” Pete chimed in, “Me too, doctor me” which translates that he wants to be a doctor too. So I asked Zoe what she wants to be when she grows up. She smiled really big and said, “A puppy”.

Benny and I have been working out at the gym 3 days a week. There is this lady there that looks like she gets her hair done right before she comes to work out. Here I am looking somewhat more like Helga the Soviet weight lifter than work-out Barbie, and she has her hair done up all cute and she’s not sweating. Why else would you go to the gym but to sweat? I’m jealous ofcourse. I can’t wait until the day I have a great body and can just go to the gym to lift a few weights – enough to have a glistening face but not enough to smear my perfect make-up. Yeah, and I have this great little piece of ocean front property…oh never mind.

On the way to Dr. Zack’s this morning I heard a song on the radio by Relient K. I love them! The words are still ringing in my ears…Stop right there – that’s exactly where I lost it, See that line? Well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there – well I never should have said that – it’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back…who I am hates who I’ve been…who I am hates who I’ve been. I was singing and Pete was bobbing his head to the beat. It made me think about how I’m influencing my kids in the music department. I grew up listening to my mom’s favorite bands – The Beatles, Elvis, The Beach boys, Bobby Vinton, The Mama’s and the Papa’s, and my all-time favorite, Simon & Garfunkel. As a child I could sing most of their songs to you. When they aren’t thinking about it, you can overhear my kids singing Switchfoot, Barlow Girl, Third Day, DC Talk, The Newsboys, and many other bands Benny and I listen to. When we get in the van, Pete usually says, “KJ-52?” Benny teases me and says that I grew up on hippie music. I wonder what my children’s spouses will think of their musical influences. Benny likes to tease Angi about growing up with The Gaither’s. LOL (Now she’s going to kill me for writing that.) Who were your musical influences?

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