Sometimes I Write

Yesterday I mentioned being chicken to call an old friend. I’ve thought a lot about it the past few weeks and my fears are not unfounded. There have been people from my past that I’ve tried to reconnect with after many years and in one case, I received a letter from a girl (college friend) that told me she wasn’t interested in being friends with me. She said I was a part of her past and she’d appreciate it if I stayed there. It was cold but worded politely. Most have been friendly, but several times, despite the efforts, conversation doesn’t come easily and you realize that too much time has passed. Without cultivating the friendship, and without the common grounds you once shared, there is little left to bond over. I’ve taken the chance every time because I really do believe you can never have too many friends. At the same time, when you are rejected like that, it tends to make you cautious.

Sometimes the friendship is renewed and grows stronger, and sometimes (as is the case with California Jennifer) you find a friend in an old enemy. Enemy is probably too strong a word to use here, though I think she used the word “nemesis” on her blog. LOL! But we clearly were NOT friends in college. We liked a few of the same guys, were in the same social club, and had a few of the same classes, but we were not friends. God is so awesome in being able to turn an enemy into a friend. California Jennifer and I are closer now than we’ve ever been and I’m so glad! It’s nice to be able to laugh at the ridiculousness of our 18 year old selves, and wonder if maybe someone was trying to keep us apart – we sure are a lot stronger together! And the things we have in common now…WOW!

Back to the present. I finished blogging lastnight and grabbed my cell phone and called him. I was nervous, but determined. He answered and we spent the next hour catching up on our lives. I had assumed he knew we were in Denver, which he didn’t. He and his wife just had their first baby two weeks ago, so once things calm down a bit, we’ll have them over for supper. I admitted to him that I was nervous calling and pretty much told him what I said in the first paragraph here. I think he understood, and he said some people you can just pick up where you left off… It was so good to hear his voice again…It’s been almost 7 years. Kevin is not just any friend, he always has and always will be a special part of my life. So why was I so worried?

Kevin was my best guy friend in college. He listened to me whine and gripe about my family and my past. He was there when I got insecure and sabotaged my relationships with boyfriends. He was reassuring when I questioned biblical truths. We had fun together and made each other laugh, but we cried together too. I was able to talk to Kevin and work through some things because of the trust we had. We prayed together. We were in a traveling singing group together, and the friendship got a little weird for awhile. Kevin knew my love languages before that book even made the bestseller list, and brought me little gifts after vacations. We had nicknames – I’m not sharing them. haha He was my college Tim. He was the 2nd boy ever to show me respect and teach me what it means to have a pure friendship with a guy. No wonder I loved him so much. There was never anything romantic between us, and I never would have thought that possible, except Tim had prepared my heart for that already. He reinforced my theory that is was possible afterall for guys and girls to be friends. My Dad came back into my life a few months before Benny and I married. Though we have a great relationship now, he was a total stranger to me then…so it was Kevin that I asked to “give me away” at my wedding, and I have never regretted it.

It may sound like I’ve placed these guys (Tim, Adam, and Kevin) on a pedestal, and maybe I have a bit, but I know they’re human and have their faults – though you’ll never hear me pointing them out. Each of these guys has done their part to show me a glimpse of the heart of God…that I’m worthy of love…that I’m worth fighting for. That men can be strong without me fearing them. They’ve held my heart in their hands (Tim & Kevin especially – since I knew them pre-marriage) and they protected it. Benny loves these men for loving me and treating me like the sister-in-Christ that I am. I’m so grateful for all of them. Tim and Kevin are both married to wonderful women. I’ve met Tim’s wife, and I’m about to meet Kevin’s. Someday Adam will marry the woman of his dreams. They all deserve the blessing of a wonderful spouse, and they all have helped me be one.

I’m glad I called.

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You know how I love Saturdays! I slept in today, then went to Arc for a few hours. I wandered around aimlessly picking stuff up and putting it in my cart only to put it back on the shelf a few minutes later. I’ve become so trained to shopping with a list that it’s actually getting harder for me to shop without a plan. The only plan I had was to find some good, strong, and gently worn backpacks for some our our streetkids. No such luck, unless they would want one with Scooby Doo or Mickey on it…I seriously doubt it. I came home with two small flower vases – .25 each, a larger vase – .50, two sundresses for Zoe – for under 2.00 each, and a few other equally good deals! Bargain season has begun!

I called home to check in and let Benny know that I was going to Chili’s for some Mango tea and Southwestern eggrolls and to write for awhile. Then I called my friend Amanda to see if she wanted to join me. So much for writing. I was in the mood for some good female conversation. I still find myself holding back from friendships a bit. It’s the whole – we don’t know what we’ll be doing in the Fall thing. I’ve been saying I’m determined to bloom where I’m planted even if it’s only temporary, but saying and doing are two different things. Anyway, Amanda met me there and we had a great chat with our lunch.

This has been home improvement week at the Nowell house. Too bad we couldn’t have done that before all the company came. Oh well, they didn’t come to see my house. Benny has been on top of his honey-do list! He fixed our front door, took the extra bed apart in the guest room and moved the treadmill in there from our room. Today he put the screen door back on the patio entrance – the wind had blown it in, and he’s at Home Depot right now buying lattice work and a few 2 x 4’s to finish fixing the patio. The kids and I are going to give the patio a good cleaning and take the van to vacuum it out. Now we just need to figure out when we’re going to paint our bedroom and bathroom. The paint has been sitting untouched since last Fall. One of these days…

I have an old friend that lives about an hour from here and I’ve been too chicken to call him. Isn’t that ridiculous? We haven’t seen him since college and haven’t kept in touch, but I’d like to see him again and meet his wife. I know friendships can change and maybe I’ve been afraid that he wouldn’t be interested in reaquainting himself with us. I hate it when I assume the worst. So, I guess I’ll feel the fear and do it anyway. What have I got to lose? I’m going to see him in June anyway at our college choir alumni reunion. Can you ever have too many friends?

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In honor of this special occasion, I thought I’d share 200 things about myself…just kidding. I thought I’d share a thing of beauty.

I’ve drawn and painted hundreds of daisies in my lifetime, and still I never tire of them. They are not my favorite flower, but they are close. I’m drawn to the wildness of them, and the vast array of colors they come in. I love the way the petals spike up and out of the stem before gently bending toward the earth. There’s also the age-old game of “He loves me…He loves me not…He loves me…” I love flowers and I’m drawn to their beauty. I wonder if God had Eve in mind when he created them. I wonder if he had me in mind. I used to have a quote on my fridge that said, “I’d rather have fresh flowers on my table than diamonds around my neck.” I wish I could remember who said that and give them proper credit and a round of applause for speaking my heart for me. This is a Gerbera Daisy:

I blogged once about Benny telling me in college that I wasn’t “a rose kind of girl”. I was so hurt by that comment, but he turned out to be right. As beautiful as roses are…they are tame and orderly…almost sedate. They smell incredible and they are lovely to look at, but they have a sting to them with their thorns. They are relaxing and tranquil, and I would love to be sipping tea and drinking their aroma in an English Rose garden somewhere. But my heart is more like a wildflower…daisies and their sisters. They grow in unpredictable places and look lovely when mixed in with other varieties of flowers…It makes them all the more beautiful. They are carefree and love to join in the chorus of color as they sway in the breeze…to their own beat. They bring comfort and peace to those who receive them. Oh, and just in case you are wondering, my very favorite is the Alstromeria, also known as Peruvian Lilies. They too look good mixed in with other varieties. They are a hardy flower, lasting weeks in a pretty vase of water. They also bloom in July – my birth month. I like the pink and white ones the best, but couldn’t find a picture of them to share with you, so these are Alstromerias of a peachy/pink variety:

This is all part of who I am…a colorful creation of God…trying to bring comfort and peace to those who will receive me…dancing to my own beat…a hardy bloom…growing in unpredictable places…most lovely when mixed in with a variety of others…A Thing of Beauty.

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Many of you will know the significance of today’s date. It’s the anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings here in Denver (Littleton). It’s the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. It’s the anniversary of a lot of bad things…Including Hitler’s birthday. It’s also the anniversary of a little tradition near the Colorado Capitol Building known as 4/20. This afternoon hundreds of people will meet near there and at 4:20 p.m. they will all light up and smoke pot in celebration of…I have no idea…Life sucking…Glorifying angry acts of violence…Who knows? The authorities will turn a blind eye to it. Being new to Denver, this week was the first I had heard of this little tradition. We prayed about it at our staff meeting on Tuesday – specifically for our streetkids. Today is also Thursday – our weekly pool hall night. It will be interesting to see how/if that is affected by the marijuana smoke out. Last year Denver voters made history when they made it legal to possess less than 1 ounce of marijuana if you’re atleast 21. However, the mayor said it is still state law that people can not be in possession of it or they will be fined. I don’t get it. Do they? Anyway, please be praying for Dry Bones today as well as the families who have lost loved ones on this sober anniversary.

Matt and Nikki started a Dry Bones blog back in the Fall to share stories of the kids we meet and love. That won’t keep me from posting my views about happenings in the ministry here, but I’ll be referring you over there when there are new posts. When we are blogging, as well as in our newsletters, we often change the real names of the streetkids to protect them or us. It’s only when we have permission to use their real names that we do so. I’ve been telling you about “Tammy” for some time now. Since Matt used her real name on the DBblog, I can now tell you her name is Tonya, and she’s doing great. She and Benny have an appointment with an admissions counselor at CCU tomorrow. She’s still looking for a job, but she’s thinking about taking some college classes as well. Keep praying for our new sister-in-Christ as she continues on the path away from life on the streets. This picture was taken Sunday morning at Sox’s Place. This is Nikki (on the left) and Tonya:

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I know you’re all wondering…How did it go? It was great! I picked up Bob – one of our volunteers, and we headed to Sox’s Place downtown. I was greeted by my fellow DB staff members that were already there, and Tammy who smiled from ear to ear. I chatted with a few other people I knew there, and we all gathered around a big silver feeding trough/tank. Doyle (Sox) welcomed everyone and spoke about Tammy and the other girl being baptized, Joy (a Sox’s place volunteer). There was also a little boy and girl there that were going to be dedicated to the Lord after the baptisms. While Doyle was speaking, the little boy kept playing in the water with his hands. And I loved this…Doyle reached down and patted him and kept on talking. There was no scolding, or looks shot at his mom to keep him out of the water. In my mind, that’s what would have happened at some of the churches I’ve been to. We treat the baptistry like it’s filled with Holy Water. It’s just water…there’s NOTHING magical or special about it. It’s what takes place in it that is magical and special. Joy was first, then Tammy, who had a few words to say. She told everyone that she was ready to live her life for Christ because He’s the ONLY one who has been there for her EVERYTIME she needed him. He was the ONLY one she knew she could depend on 100% of the time. Very true words indeed! I took before, during, and after pictures for her and I couldn’t stop smiling. I was energized and excited about this HUGE step for her! She was already a believer, but it was incredible to be a witness of her public faith confession and act of obedience. I love that girl! I’ll tell her Congratulations for you Patrick, and pass on the rest of your message as well. There was a cloud of witnesses rejoicing in heaven along with those of us rejoicing in a downtown warehouse turned “home away from the streets”. Special thanks to Doyle (Sox) for loving the streetkids and for being a witness in Tammy’s life. Glad he’s my brother in Christ!

Speaking of brothers…we had a great time this weekend with Adam and Luke. Without sounding too mushy gushy…I LOVE THESE GUYS! I can’t express in words how much Adam means to me – though you know I’ve tried. I love him as my brother, and as much as I love my real brothers. I’m so glad that he shared his brother with us! Luke is awesome. We all had such a good time. For Zoe it was love at first sight. She took one look at Luke and got all giggly! LOL I loved the way the guys played with our kids, and they laughed at the way WE play with our kids…sword fights, wrestling and smackdowns…you know – the usual. We had 4 days to play and the guys had the opportunity to “live Dry Bones” for awhile. They both told me they came away from it changed. Benny took them on a turf tour downtown, they went to pool night and the feeding afterward, attended a party for Don, our friend who is a former streetkid and who recently got a job, and spent part of Easter Sunday with Tammy and Bob, our friends Corey and Tricia, and our family. We also drove up to Rocky Mountain National Park on Saturday to play tourist. It was beautiful and COLD. The temp dropped to 32 degrees and it started snowing. We teased Adam and Luke because they had worn shorts. (Southerners! -insert eye rolling and a giggle here) Seriously, they said it wasn’t too bad. We took some pictures and climbed on big rocks, and ate a snack on the side of the road. It was one of many little adventures we experienced with the guys.

Back to Easter Sunday…
I was able to catch the tail end of Michael’s lesson after arriving late with my new sister in Christ. Even the little bit I heard really touched me. I’ll be getting the CD to hear the rest, and I know I’ll be blogging about it next week sometime.

I knew the first time I heard the stories about Mary and Martha that I was Martha. She has “Niki Nowell” written all over her – in both stories I’m going to mention. First of all, she was only trying to be a good hostess…to her great loss, she got so caught up in her chores and providing a feast that she missed out on the best thing of the day. Jesus told her Mary made the better choice. So as I was scurrying around my kitchen yesterday, I was able to remind myself to be a bit of BOTH sisters. It was MY house and MY responsibility to provide a good meal for my guests, but there was no way I was going to miss out on great fellowship with those people I love so dearly. I also made a mental note of what Jesus did not say to Martha – “Since you’re so busy worrying and scurrying in there, and not burning food is more important than listening to what I have to say in here, I’ve decided I love Mary the best. You just take yourself back in that kitchen and I’ll deal with you later”. Nope, instead of harshly rebuking her, he says, “My dear Martha”…ahhh a term of endearment – “you’re worried about the wrong things and I can’t make Mary worry about them too. She has made the right choice, and I won’t take that away”. What was poor Martha to do? She’s just been embarrassed (the real word is convicted) by the Lord and she’s knows He’s right…but there’s still a meal to prepare…and somebody has to prepare it…

I tried to cook what everyone liked, and we were all stuffed by the end. We just lazed around the livingroom and talked, read the newspaper, and enjoyed each other’s company. It was relaxing and comfortable – the way holidays (and Holy Days) are supposed to be…RESTful. I fought Satan all weekend, so I needed the rest…and the good company. He kept whispering to me about what a bad hostess I was, though I know that’s not true. I kept praying, and he finally left me alone. Benny was reassuring to me and I’m sure he prayed for me as well.

My brain never stops even when my mouth does, so while I was listening to everyone talk, I was thinking about and processing the word “Resurrection”. Someone had once told me that there was only one man who came back from the dead (he meant Jesus), and I gladly pointed out his error and gave him the other examples of people being resurrected in scripture – like the good little pharisee I was. Yesterday my mind was on Lazarus…probably because I already had Martha on the brain.

Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick. They knew Jesus could heal him – they believed He would. When Jesus finally shows up, Lazarus has been in the tomb for 4 days. Someone tells Martha that Jesus is coming and she doesn’t hesitate…she goes to meet him (Does anyone else think it’s strange that Mary didn’t join her?) Unlike her sister, Martha meets Jesus toe to toe. Mary later falls to his feet, though she says basically the same thing to Jesus, “Where have you been? If you’d have come when we sent for you – my brother would still be alive”. She also says, “But even now I know God will give you anything you ask for”. Interesting…has she just told Jesus that she wants him to bring back Lazarus from the dead? Not long after, Jesus weeps – for Lazarus? I don’t think so. I think he wept for Martha and Mary…these two women he loved so much and who loved him. They had the kind of relationship that Martha could meet him face to face, look into his eyes and present her questions with irritation mixed with grief and frustration. She was not disrespectful, but she was REAL.

I refuse to think of Martha as the “bad” sister, or the one who was in the wrong. Mary and Martha were very different people. But Jesus loved them both. I don’t think he expected Martha to be Mary. They each had their roles to play in life. Martha was the one who spoke her mind. Mary was the one who was passionate and dramatic. (Remember she later pours perfume on Jesus’ feet and wipes them with her hair) Jesus loved both of these women, and I know He loves me…a woman a little more after Martha’s heart than Mary’s. A lot more than Lazarus was resurrected that day! Tammy was not the only thing resurrected yesterday. I said in my last post that yesterday – Easter – was about new beginnings. It sure was! We celebrated new friends, new hopes and dreams, and new courage to be REAL! All of it was possible because of an empty tomb.

Thank you God for resurrection – may we all experience it through YOU every day! Love, Martha…I mean Niki.

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